What did the Italian immigrant say to the priest after he gave him a sanctuary at the church?

Sanctuary much!

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📅︎ Feb 27 2021
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What do you call second thoughts about plans to visit a Native American sanctuary?

A reservation reservation reservation

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👤︎ u/xtilexx
📅︎ Feb 23 2021
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When I was in florida I saw signs saying "animal sanctuary 5$." so I decided to follow them but when I got there it was just a middle aged couple with hundreds of house cats and one dog in a cage.

It was a Shih Tzu

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📅︎ Feb 13 2021
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Feeling ugly? Work at a bee sanctuary and start helping the world! Everyone will think you are beautiful for that

Because beauty is in the eye of the beeholder

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📅︎ Oct 15 2020
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Why did the outlaw tailor seek sanctuary at Disneyland?

They'd let her lie low and stitch.

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👤︎ u/such_hpn
📅︎ Aug 22 2019
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What do you call a kangaroo sanctuary?

A kazoo.

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📅︎ Mar 27 2019
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My friend owns a greenhouse...

My friend owns a greenhouse and was trying to drum up sales for valentine's day. She put out a bunch of posters all over town - in the park, outside city hall, and even in a few convenience stores and restaurants. Just about everyone was incredibly helpful and gave her permission. However, the animal sanctuary owner refused outright and asked her to leave. She was very sad, but in the end, she came to understand that...

>!Only zoo can prevent florist fliers.!<

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📅︎ Jan 29 2020
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Story time!

A baker and his wife had a child. A lovely, healthy boy. Since the wife was mad about history, she wanted to give the boy a name suitable for a man destined for great things. Jokes were made, names proposed, but in the end the decision was made - they named the boy Attila.

Attila showed great potential from an early age - he excelled at sports, grew strong, but his other capabilities were astonishing as well. He learned and went through encyclopedias like a fire through forests. Surely enough, he was bound to become a great man some day.

Apart from being an exceptional young man, he loved animals as well. He was kind and compassionate, equally cherishing all forms of life. Since his parents loved him so much, they bought him all he ever wanted - but he did not ask for much, he was never greedy.

Growing up, he has received many animals as pets - there were cats, dogs, hamsters and even exotic animals - tarantulas, snakes, scorpions, you name it.

Their home became a sort of an animal sanctuary, and Attila took care of all animals with love and passion. But, the family business was starting to suffer when his father the baker got ill.

Being the amazing young man he was, Attila stepped up and started learning secrets of the trade - he started baking like no one else.

But, since he devoted his time to the bakery, the animals were starting to be neglected. He tried feeding them, petting them, but nothing helped.

Slowly, one by one the animals passed away leaving behind only the most resistant ones - the snake and a few spiders.

The spiders were easy to take care of, but the snake wouldn't eat, no matter what. Saddened, Attila came to his mother and asked for advice as he was all out of ideas. Of course, being the caring mother she always was, she passed on her knowledge to Attila:

"This anaconda don't want none, unless you got buns, Hun."

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📅︎ Jul 13 2016
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Dadjoked my dad from halfway across the planet.

My Father is currently on vacation with my Mother in Vietnam and everyday he sends photo trip reports.

Today he emailed me and sent the following.

Countryside on way to My Son Sanctuary.

My Son is thick in the middle of the jungle.

To which I replied back.

"No I'm not, I'm at work."

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👤︎ u/MrGoodGlow
📅︎ Jul 08 2015
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