I went to a wedding where the bride was left at the altar

It went off without a hitch

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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Pudenator
πŸ“…οΈŽ Mar 20 2021
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How do you make an altar boy crispy?

Throw him into a deep friar.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 6
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/IronicJeremyIrons
πŸ“…οΈŽ Feb 11 2021
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Do Priests have an altar ego?
πŸ‘οΈŽ 12
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Outrageous_Desk_2187
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 20 2020
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Officer: The victims were dismembered and sacrificed on an altar of antlers

Detective: Dear god

Officer: Yes most likely

πŸ‘οΈŽ 498
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Connor0388
πŸ“…οΈŽ Sep 09 2020
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Why did the penguin leave his bride at the altar?

He got cold feet.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 26
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/coot32
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 22 2019
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Why do they call it an β€œaltar”?

Because religion changes you.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 18
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/SvenSvenkill2
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 18 2017
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Bridezillas have altar egos
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/AZachOfTheClones
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 05 2017
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Why did the frog leave his bride at the altar?

He wasn’t ready for kermitment.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 10
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Bigfoothobbit
πŸ“…οΈŽ Feb 01 2017
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When the church relocated ...

it had an organ transplant.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 11
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/kickypie
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 09 2021
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Church Alter Ego

This youth pastor is usually very humble, but once he stands on pulpit, he gets proud.

I think it’s his Altar ego

πŸ‘οΈŽ 5
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/leonelritchie
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 13 2020
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I just found out that my friend lives a secret life as a priest.

It’s his altar ego.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 20
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 27 2020
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Did you hear about the conceited minister?

...he had an altar ego.

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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Pewper
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 20 2020
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The priest at our church wanted to do something different with the place where sacrifices are made...

He decided to altar it.

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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 05 2019
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My dad at my Grandmother's Funeral

My grandmother was cremated and we were having a service to pay our respects. I was scared and didn't want to go up to the altar alone so my dad went with me.

We stood there, side by side, and stared in reverent silence at the small simple wooden box which was holding my grandmother's ashes. After a minute or so passed my father bowed slightly, leaning in with what I assumed would be words of wisdom and said, "your grandmother was a lot smaller than I remember."

I had to fight just not to bust out laughing in a room full of mourners.

I was told to cross post this here from an askreddit thread yesterday

πŸ‘οΈŽ 3k
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/theresamouseinmyhous
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 24 2014
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What makes a priest sweat?

Exorcising

πŸ‘οΈŽ 18
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Hailvq
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jul 27 2018
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As a youngster, I used to spend a lot of time dressed as a choir boy helping the local Vicar prepare the communion table.
πŸ‘οΈŽ 4
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/sub273
πŸ“…οΈŽ Mar 07 2018
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What do you call Gary when he's 65?

Gary Oldman

πŸ‘οΈŽ 2
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/gurgenhakobyan
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 01 2018
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I happened to see one of my pals dressed as a priest

Apparently its his altar ego

πŸ‘οΈŽ 23
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/iTubbs
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jul 15 2018
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Have you heard of the superhero Priest-Man?

He's my altar ego.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 215
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/setsomethingablaze
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jul 23 2016
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Village Idiot Puns

Way back when I was a kid, for my school's Renaissance Faire-esque fundraiser, I went around wearing a sign that read "Vilage Idiot". When guests asked why, I'd reply, "I wasn't always the village idiot...

  • β€œI used to be a tailor... but it didn't quite suit me... It was only a so-so job.”
  • β€œI once was a lumberjack... but I couldn't hack it... so they gave me the axe.”
  • β€œI was a fisherman too... I just couldn't live off my net income.”
  • β€œI thought about being a witch for a spell.”
  • β€œI tried being a chef... but I just didn't have enough thyme for it.”
  • β€œI was a musician once... but I didn't accomplish anything noteworthy.”
  • β€œFor awhile I was a doctor... but I didn't have the patience to keep it up.”
  • β€œI once was a accountant... but I lost interest. The job was too taxing.”
  • β€œI tried moonlighting as a nun... but I confess, they didn't like my altar ego... or my bad habits.”
  • β€œMore recently, I was a baker... but I couldn't make enough dough at it... Guess I wasn't bred for the job.”
  • β€œHeck, I was even king for a day... but I didn't have any crowning achievements.”

...And so now, here I am: village idiot, just like my father was. Ah... my father, he was the best village idiot we ever had. It's hard living in his shadow sometimes. You see, my father was a complete idiot! ...I'm just a half-wit.”

πŸ‘οΈŽ 17
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Ason42
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 30 2016
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What do you call it when a priest has multiple personality disorder?

They've got an altar ego.

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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Dimentioze
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 28 2014
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Dadjoked nearly all of my coworkers

Before a staff meeting, a coworker was talking about living in a renovated church with 15 other people. He said it's just like any other big house, they hang out, party, etc., then someone asked if they drink on the altar.

I said, "yeah, it's a great place to drink. You only need to bring water."

πŸ‘οΈŽ 7
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/krncnr
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 28 2014
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What did they say when the bride got jilted at the altar?

The wedding went off without a hitch!

πŸ‘οΈŽ 2
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/emiteal
πŸ“…οΈŽ Feb 13 2015
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I just found out that my friend has a secret life as a priest.

It’s his altar ego.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 8k
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…οΈŽ Feb 08 2020
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I just found out my friend has a secret life as a priest

It’s his altar ego

πŸ‘οΈŽ 7k
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/GabeRothel
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 09 2018
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I just found out my friend has a secret life as a priest.

It's his altar ego.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 127
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/washcapsfan37
πŸ“…οΈŽ Feb 20 2019
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I just found out my friend has a secret life as a priest.

It's his altar ego.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 7
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Mojo884ever
πŸ“…οΈŽ Feb 26 2020
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I just found my friend has a secret life as a priest.

It's his altar ego.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 8
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/keithasaurus
πŸ“…οΈŽ Aug 13 2018
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