Do Priests have an altar ego?
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πŸ“…︎ Dec 20 2020
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Officer: The victims were dismembered and sacrificed on an altar of antlers

Detective: Dear god

Officer: Yes most likely

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Connor0388
πŸ“…︎ Sep 09 2020
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Why did the penguin leave his bride at the altar?

He got cold feet.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/coot32
πŸ“…︎ Apr 22 2019
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At the altar today the arbour didn't fall on us newly weds.

I guess we can call it a safe arbour.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/dudecancode
πŸ“…︎ Jul 27 2019
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Bridezillas have altar egos
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AZachOfTheClones
πŸ“…︎ Apr 05 2017
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Why do they call it an β€œaltar”?

Because religion changes you.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SvenSvenkill2
πŸ“…︎ Jun 18 2017
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Why did the frog leave his bride at the altar?

He wasn’t ready for kermitment.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bigfoothobbit
πŸ“…︎ Feb 01 2017
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What did they say when the bride got jilted at the altar?

The wedding went off without a hitch!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/emiteal
πŸ“…︎ Feb 13 2015
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I just found out that my friend lives a secret life as a priest.

It’s his altar ego.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Dec 27 2020
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Church Alter Ego

This youth pastor is usually very humble, but once he stands on pulpit, he gets proud.

I think it’s his Altar ego

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πŸ‘€︎ u/leonelritchie
πŸ“…︎ Dec 13 2020
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Did you hear about the conceited minister?

...he had an altar ego.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Pewper
πŸ“…︎ May 20 2020
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A woman who lived next door to a preacher was puzzled by his personality change in the pulpit.

At home he was shy, quiet and retiring, but in the church he was a real fire and brimstone orator, rousing the masses in the name of God. It was as if he was two different people.

One day she asked him about the dramatic transformation that came over him when he preached.

"Ah," he said, "That's my altar ego."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/bot_10
πŸ“…︎ Sep 28 2019
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The priest at our church wanted to do something different with the place where sacrifices are made...

He decided to altar it.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Dec 05 2019
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What makes a priest sweat?

Exorcising

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Hailvq
πŸ“…︎ Jul 27 2018
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My dad at my Grandmother's Funeral

My grandmother was cremated and we were having a service to pay our respects. I was scared and didn't want to go up to the altar alone so my dad went with me.

We stood there, side by side, and stared in reverent silence at the small simple wooden box which was holding my grandmother's ashes. After a minute or so passed my father bowed slightly, leaning in with what I assumed would be words of wisdom and said, "your grandmother was a lot smaller than I remember."

I had to fight just not to bust out laughing in a room full of mourners.

I was told to cross post this here from an askreddit thread yesterday

πŸ‘︎ 3k
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πŸ“…︎ Apr 24 2014
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As a youngster, I used to spend a lot of time dressed as a choir boy helping the local Vicar prepare the communion table.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/sub273
πŸ“…︎ Mar 07 2018
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I happened to see one of my pals dressed as a priest

Apparently its his altar ego

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πŸ‘€︎ u/iTubbs
πŸ“…︎ Jul 15 2018
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What do you call Gary when he's 65?

Gary Oldman

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πŸ‘€︎ u/gurgenhakobyan
πŸ“…︎ Jan 01 2018
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Have you heard of the superhero Priest-Man?

He's my altar ego.

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πŸ“…︎ Jul 23 2016
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Village Idiot Puns

Way back when I was a kid, for my school's Renaissance Faire-esque fundraiser, I went around wearing a sign that read "Vilage Idiot". When guests asked why, I'd reply, "I wasn't always the village idiot...

  • β€œI used to be a tailor... but it didn't quite suit me... It was only a so-so job.”
  • β€œI once was a lumberjack... but I couldn't hack it... so they gave me the axe.”
  • β€œI was a fisherman too... I just couldn't live off my net income.”
  • β€œI thought about being a witch for a spell.”
  • β€œI tried being a chef... but I just didn't have enough thyme for it.”
  • β€œI was a musician once... but I didn't accomplish anything noteworthy.”
  • β€œFor awhile I was a doctor... but I didn't have the patience to keep it up.”
  • β€œI once was a accountant... but I lost interest. The job was too taxing.”
  • β€œI tried moonlighting as a nun... but I confess, they didn't like my altar ego... or my bad habits.”
  • β€œMore recently, I was a baker... but I couldn't make enough dough at it... Guess I wasn't bred for the job.”
  • β€œHeck, I was even king for a day... but I didn't have any crowning achievements.”

...And so now, here I am: village idiot, just like my father was. Ah... my father, he was the best village idiot we ever had. It's hard living in his shadow sometimes. You see, my father was a complete idiot! ...I'm just a half-wit.”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ason42
πŸ“…︎ Nov 30 2016
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What do you call it when a priest has multiple personality disorder?

They've got an altar ego.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Dimentioze
πŸ“…︎ Dec 28 2014
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Dadjoked nearly all of my coworkers

Before a staff meeting, a coworker was talking about living in a renovated church with 15 other people. He said it's just like any other big house, they hang out, party, etc., then someone asked if they drink on the altar.

I said, "yeah, it's a great place to drink. You only need to bring water."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/krncnr
πŸ“…︎ May 28 2014
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I just found out that my friend has a secret life as a priest.

It’s his altar ego.

πŸ‘︎ 8k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Feb 08 2020
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I just found out my friend has a secret life as a priest.

It's his altar ego.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mojo884ever
πŸ“…︎ Feb 26 2020
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I just found out my friend has a secret life as a priest

It’s his altar ego

πŸ‘︎ 7k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/GabeRothel
πŸ“…︎ Jan 09 2018
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I just found out my friend has a secret life as a priest.

It's his altar ego.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/washcapsfan37
πŸ“…︎ Feb 20 2019
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I just found my friend has a secret life as a priest.

It's his altar ego.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/keithasaurus
πŸ“…︎ Aug 13 2018
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