A neighbor who's a hog farmer just showed me his brand new enclosures for his piggies...

I wish he'd stop flaunting his new shoes.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Aug 07 2020
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I went to the zoo today and saw a loaf of bread in one of the enclosures

Turns out it was bread in captivity

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πŸ‘€︎ u/samworger
πŸ“…︎ Mar 30 2019
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Was at the zoo in Dublin Ireland today. Was very early and there was a group trying to spot the Snow Leopards in their enclosure without any luck. After a few minutes of looking I quipped Snow Leopards.... sNO leopards... well I laughed....
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πŸ‘€︎ u/feckthis
πŸ“…︎ Apr 07 2019
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Did you know when an animal is injured at the zoo, they take it to the tiger enclosure?

Well yeah! That's where all the big CAT scans are done

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheBaldNerd
πŸ“…︎ Jan 26 2019
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I took my kids to the zoo today and we noticed a slice of toast in one of the enclosures...

I asked the keeper, β€œHow did that toast get into the cage?”

She replied, β€œIt was bread in captivity."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Oct 03 2017
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I know it's you, going around, stealing enclosures. Whether I'm right or wrong,

please don't take a fence

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ganders81
πŸ“…︎ Dec 12 2017
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I saw a piece of toast in a zoo enclosure today...

It looked like it was bread in captivity.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Charlovescoffee
πŸ“…︎ Jun 21 2017
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Did you hear about the disaster at the zoo over in the primate enclosure...

It was a real lemur-gency.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/eltodd
πŸ“…︎ Aug 10 2017
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Two men are organizing a herd of deer.

Two men are organizing a herd of deer. Seeing as the had 26 deer, they decided to label each one with a letter of the alphabet. As they’re herding them into an enclosure, they realize they only had 25.

β€œOne of them’s missing,” said the first man.

β€œOh dear.”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/mcnicken1
πŸ“…︎ May 04 2020
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My son called excitedly from the other room, shouting, "Look dad! A fricken' ground hornbill escaped from the zoo!" Not certain about what I heard and a little upset, I asked, "What did you say!?"

He repeated, "A fricken' ground hornbill...!"

Really upset now, I stopped him mid-sentence and asked, "Who taught you how to talk like that!?"

He pointed to the TV, "It says it right there!"

I looked at the screen and read, "Two African ground hornbills escaped from their enclosure at the Honolulu Zoo in Waikiki Sunday."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Feb 11 2019
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My dad can string this joke out forever. I've seen it go for 20 minutes.

A man gets a new job at the zoo.

On his first day, he still doesn't really understand what exactly he's meant to do, just that it involves the Gorillas. He goes and checks in and the manager sits him down to explain.

"Now look," says the manager, "We've been having some troubles lately with our gorilla. He was acting up, getting really agitated with the environment, so we had to send him away. We told the people that enclosure's being repaired, but we're actually looking for a new gorilla - can you do it for us?"

The man is unsure, but he needs the money, so he agrees, puts on a gorilla suit and goes out there. At first he's a bit mopey, so he sits around a lot.

After a couple of days he begins to warp up and eats a couple of bananas and wanders around a little.

Over the course of the next few weeks he becomes progressively more outgoing, moving around, playing in the jungle gym, hollering around and beating his chest. He's a big hit and everything's going really well for him, until one day he's on his monkey bars and getting really into it, but he slips and flies through the air, over the pit, clears the fence and lands in a pile of bushes in the next enclosure.

He is just beginning to pick himself up, when out of the corner of his eye, he sees something in the foliage.

A pair of eyes lock with his.

It moves closer.

He knows this is it.

He begins to pray.

Suddenly the creature leaps and tackles him - the biggest, ugliest lion he's ever seen!

It leans in close.

He can see every gleaming tooth in it's mouth

He can smell the lion's breath

It opens it's mouth

And from inside the lion he hears a whisper.

"Make this good or we'll both lose our jobs."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Toggle2
πŸ“…︎ Aug 10 2013
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A long one

So, a few weeks ago, someone posted a pretty long dad joke. Here's mine--it's what my dad would call a "Shaggy dog story".

The dolphin trainers at the zoo were very upset because the dolphins were very ill and getting worse. An animal shaman told them that he could not only cure the dolphins, but make them live forever--all he needed were some young sea gulls. The trainers immediately set off to find some young sea gulls.

While looking for the gulls, a lion at the zoo escaped. The trainers didn't care--they had to save the dolphins. They found their gulls and were making there way back to the dolphin enclosure when they came across the lion. Fortunately, it was dead asleep, having been hit with a tranquilizer dart--but it was right in the middle of the path. So, they carefully stepped across it, and were immediately arrested. The crime? Transporting young gulls across state lions for immortal porpoises.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/esoper1976
πŸ“…︎ Mar 15 2018
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Went to the Zoo with this girl I'm seeing...

We got to this rocky enclosure they made for mountain goats, who were all just hanging out on this huge rock face. Right at the top there was this really big goat, looking all majestic with a very fluffy coat.

Girl: Look at that one at the top, he's looking over the rest like some kind of big boss.

Me: Yeah, they call him the Goatfather.

She walked away while I keeled over in laughter.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ViolentWanderer
πŸ“…︎ Feb 02 2016
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I was at the zoo with my boyfriend...

We were at the snow leopard enclosure and we couldn't see any. Boyfriend: 'They're hiding' Me: There's snow leopard here.


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πŸ‘€︎ u/Coburg
πŸ“…︎ Dec 24 2013
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Dad Poem for Harambe (Closer Remix)

So pull thay baby closer

Like that kid in your enclosure

That Harambe call his home

Shoot a bullet through his shoulder

Pull the sheets right of the corner

Of the haystack that he stole

From his brother back in jungle

Harambe's never getting older!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/KappaKeppa
πŸ“…︎ Jan 06 2017
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Dadjoked my fiance on FB

I saw this on /r/aww and posted it on FB:


My fiance commented and said "OMG, I want to do that!"

I replied "I suppose I can build you an enclosure, but having you separated from the rest of us might confuse the kids..."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/confibulator
πŸ“…︎ May 29 2014
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Here's one for the next time you're at the zoo

What's the opposite of an Okapi?

An Original.

(My buddy who's not even a dad yet made that one up at the Okapi enclosure at San Diego zoo)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/circuitfive
πŸ“…︎ Sep 13 2016
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Dad joke at the Zoo

My husband and I were at the zoo for our anniversary. We are standing at the otter enclosure and a dad and his daughter walk up. The little girl says, "Oh, that's what is in here." The dad looks at the two of us and says, "It otter be." We all laugh and then he says, "That sure was punny." and laughs some more before walking away.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/smoochums
πŸ“…︎ Nov 17 2013
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Taking a Tram Tour at the San Diego Zoo Safari Park while a Gran'dad

While taking the Tram Tour around the Africa enclosure at the Safari Park we passed a group of Wildebeest.

I turned to my wife and said "I don't remember this group of Wildebeest, they must be Gnu."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/FreddieFreelance
πŸ“…︎ Dec 02 2013
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A trip to the zoo (recommended I post this here)

So a little boy goes to the Zoo with his mom. They go to the elephant enclosure and the little boy points to the elephant and says "Mom, What's that thing hanging down?" The mom looks and says "Well honey that's his tail." The boy says "No, the other thing.." Mom replies "Well that's his trunk." The boy gets exasperated and says no the thing between the elephant's back legs." The mother get embarrassed and says " oh that...well that's nothing" A little later the boy returns with his father. He turns to his dad and asks "Hey dad, what is that big thing hanging down between the elephant's legs? Mom said it was nothing." The dad smiles and says "Well son, that's because your mom has been spoiled."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Busterdouglas
πŸ“…︎ Jan 12 2014
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At the zoo I noticed a slice of toast in one of the enclosures.

I asked the keeper, 'How did that toast get into the cage?'

'It was bread in captivity' she replied.

πŸ‘︎ 118
πŸ‘€︎ u/lukepeterwatson
πŸ“…︎ Oct 01 2017
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