Is it crude to make oil jokes now ?
A recession is when you lose your job, a depression is what happens when I lose mine.
You know, they have apse for that.
I'm an elementary school teacher. When kids tell me they're tired, hungry etc, I often give the typical "hi hungry, I'm Adam response"
On Friday a first grader came to me at recess and said "I'm bored!" I said "ok". She looked confused, then flustered, then blurted out "...nice to meet you Adam!" and ran away to play on the swings.
A lawyer on recess
I'm a pre-k teacher, and when I was hanging around during my break at the first grade recess, one of them tripped over a ball a few feet away, and saw me watching her. She said, "I'm okay." with a proud voice.
I walked over slowly, asked her if she needs to go to the hospital. She responded no. I walked her over to the teachers on duty, and told them that she needed to go to the hospital. She kept saying that she didn't.
I told them that she needs to go because she forgot her name. She thinks her name is "okay."
She stared at me and shook her head while the teachers laughed.
My friend's dad was watching the news and I had just walked in and sat down. We made small talk and then I asked what was going on with the news and he drops this prize on me "There was a kidnapping at a school, ...... but it's okay he woke up before recess".
I got a really good chuckle out of this.
I have written this book to sweep away all misunderstandings about the crafty art of punnery and to convince you that the pun is well worth celebrating.... After all, the pun is mightier than the sword, and these days you are much more likely to run into a pun than into a sword. [A pun is a witticism involving the playful use of a word in different senses, or of words which differ in meaning but sound alike.]
Scoffing at puns seems to be a conditioned reflex, and through the centuries a steady barrage of libel and slander has been aimed at the practice of punning. Nearly three hundred years ago John Dennis sneered, “A pun is the lowest form of wit,” a charge that has been butted and rebutted by a mighty line of pundits and punheads.
Henry Erskine, for example, has protested that if a pun is the lowest form of wit, “It is, therefore, the foundation of all wit.” Oscar Levant has added a tag line: “A pun is the lowest form of humor—when you don’t think of it first.” John Crosbie and Bob Davies have responded to Dennis with hot, cross puns: “...If someone complains that punning is the lowest form of humor you can tell them that poetry is verse.”
Samuel Johnson, the eighteenth century self-appointed custodian of the English language, once thundered, “To trifle with the vocabulary which is the vehicle of social intercourse is to tamper with the currency of human intelligence. He who would violate the sanctities of his mother tongue would invade the recesses of the national till without remorse... ”
Joseph Addison pronounced that the seeds of punning are in the minds of all men, and tho’ they may be subdued by reason, reflection, and good sense, they will be very apt to shoot up in the greatest genius, that which is not broken and cultivated by the rules of art.
Far from being invertebrate, the inveterate punster is a brave entertainer. He or she loves to create a three-ring circus of words: words clowning, words teetering on tightropes, words swinging from tent tops, words thrusting their head into the mouths of lions. Punnery can be highly entertaining, but it is always a risky business. The humor can fall on its face, it can lose its balance and plunge into the sawdust, or it can be decapitated by the snapping shut of jaws. While circus performers often receive laughter or applause for their efforts, punsters often draw an obligatory groan for theirs. But the fact that most people groan at, rather than laugh at, puns doesn’t mean that the punnery isn’t fu... keep reading on reddit ➡
My parents are in their kitchen, talking about their different lighting options. Right now, they have several (8, in fact) recessed lights. Some are on a dimmer, some are not.
Mom's talking about how with the way the lights are currently set up, she likes when only 4 are turned on, based on the way they're set up.
"At any rate, the way it looks right now, won't be the same if we get the pendant lights put in. It'll be much better, they won't all be so close together" Mom says.
"Yeah", says Dad, "they'll all be...
God love him.