I call it mail pattern baldness
It really threw me for a loop.
There’s no left turns so it’s alright alright alright.
I said I wood because it's got a lot growing for it.
He re - cycled
Apparently it was a real hatchet job
I feel like the 66 route is a little late
Because let me tell you, it is never on time.
At least that’s the word on the street.
Cuz he likes to take a route that goes through this LONG tunnel
And I have carpool tunnel syndrome
I said “I sure hope it works, or we’ll have to take a longer route!”
I told her it was border line abuse.
I guess it depends which way you go.
He then explained "to Damme with faint praise"
Dad: where is it taking us?
Me: [destination]
Dad: no, I meant how is it going to guide us there?
Me: on the roads
I thought that was pretty radical.
it’s obviously a longer plane ride.
I yelled, "No mom! I'm so sick of your gelt trips!"
I was driving my daughter (10F) to her dance class. Although we have taken this route countless times before and she never said a word about it before, she did this time and said as she was looking out the window while driving by a particular area, "Why would anyone build a daycare next to a cemetery?"
Without thought, I said "I don't know, but I bet their neighbors are quiet"
There was a second or two pause and then she said "Daaaaaaad."
My chest puffed up with pride for several miles as I thought I had just crossed the line into Dad Jokedom!
It's never fun learning the error of your Waze.
...my dad says as we pass the exit sign for Shorter, AL.
I guess they're taking me for a ride
http://i.imgur.com/M0R9tHo.jpg
Dad: At least we dont have to take the battery tunnel to get to school. Me: Why? Dad: Because then we'd have carpool tunnel syndrome.
“That’s a nice bit of a ham you have there. It’d be a shame if there was an s at the beginning of it and an e at the end.”
Every year, the team was in the state championship game, and usually won it handily. Every able lad within a few hundred miles wanted to play football for Central Catholic Fighting Knights.
Those who were familiar with the program, knew that the true heart and soul of the Knights football program was Sister Mary Margaret, an aged nun who would, in full habit, get out on the practice field and work on routes with the receivers, give pointers to the quarterbacks on their stances and releases, but most of all, love them like the second mother that she became to all of the boys in that program.
One year, on the eve of the state championship game, some evil malefactors broke into the convent and kidnapped Sister Mary Margaret. Everyone was stunned by the news, but none more so than the Knights of Central Catholic. They were devastated at the loss of their mentor.
As you might guess, the state championship game didn't go very well. For the first time in the history of the football program, the Knights were shut out. The Spartans beat them 42-0.
The next day, the headline on the local sports section read:
No Offense, Nun Taken
they changed the bus route so the driver had to be updated.
R2-Detour
A new postman on a route sees that in outgoing mail are several letters he delivered a day before. He thinks it's odd and redelivers them to the right mail boxes. Next day he sees the same letters again and he gets curious and sees that they all were addressed to same street. He redelivers them again to the right mailboxes. Same thing happens on the third day, so he thinks hard and formulates a hypothesis. He wants to confirm it, so he decides to stop his route delivery and wait there rest of the day.
Around 7 pm, he sees 4 men come to the mailbox, take their letters and put them back into the outgoing bin. The postman runs over to them and asks "hey, you guys use Reddit?" - they say "yeah, how did you know?", The postman says "all that reposting is pissing me off guys"
He said to his sons “You two take the north and south side properties” . And to his daughters he said “ you two can have the downtown and riverfront properties”. He then suddenly died. The nurse said to the children “I’m so sorry for your loss, I had no idea your father was such a wealthy man!” His son said “wealthy?! That’s his paper route!”
I was on a bus route headed to Target to pick up some groceries. I was in a hurry so I had opted for the express route. The bus picks up on the part of my college campus where the streets are named after the great lakes. We pass Erie and Ontario, and the bus driver comes over the intercom and says:
"This bus will be express from Huron out."
Everybody groans, the driver has a good chuckle, and I begin laughing like a maniac.
My friend got a concussion and I want to send him a concussion pun. It could be wishing him well but not required. Ideas?
King: how many volunteers do we have for the army?
Squire: 384 my liege
King: ok, round them up
Squire: 400 my liege
So we've been driving for about 30 minutes down state route 1 and talking has died down a bit. We're just listening to some oldies on the radio when my dad says, "Flo Rida must be pretty popular down here. I keep seeing his name everywhere." I replied, "really? I haven't seen it anywhere..... Ugh Shut up dad."
Edit: Key West is the most southern part of the state of Florida, USA. Flo Rida is a rapper. Flo Rida is really popular in Florida. My dad saw Flo Rida a lot during our drive in Florida. If you don't get it yet, leave /r/dadjokes
Edit 2 because people keep struggling. If this doesn't help you understand the joke you're lost.
Flo Rida
Flo rida
Florida
Decorating a cardboard boat tomorrow (made it today) and thinking of covering it with different puns. The name shall be Admiralable Saboateur if I go this route, but I'm not sure how to incorporate it all together to make it a theme. I also thought of Aquadisiac and "Are you my armama?" but I'm not sure if the crowd would get the armada reference either. Any boat puns are appreciated!
Well then, I guess Singapore airlines did not get to CAPITALise on this capital to capital route
I was driving with my permit and my Dad was in the passenger seat. He is notoriously good with directions (and at the time I was unfamiliar with our whereabouts), we are approaching a dead end stop sign (I can only turn left or right). I proceed to ask my dad about 30 yards away from the intersection if it was faster to go left or right (to our destination) he simply replies "yes."
Anytime I bring it up now he just chuckles and changes the subject.
She was originally going to school for radiography but has changed her mind and decided to go a different route
Her: "I'm going to major in Kinesiology."
Me: "What's that?"
Her: "It's the study of the human body with relation to movement and fitness."
Me: "That sounds neat. What do you already know about it?"
Her: "Next to nothing. But I also don't know Chemistry. Well, except for the basics."
Me: "What about the acids?"
Went to WFs to buy some killer produce, specifically avocados. They sell both "organic" and "conventional" type avocados at the one near me. I decided to not overspend on four avocados so I went the conventional route. I take my poor man's avocados to the cashier to ring up and she asked "Are these organic?" I said, "no conventional, but still organic." She looked at me while handing me my receipt and said, "ooooh, that's a gooooood one. Bye bye."
A man walks out of his work building and hails a taxi. He gets into the taxi and says, "Take me to the sandwich shop up on 45^th street." Ten minutes later they arrive, and the cab driver checks the console. "That'll be $12.00." The man is shocked. "This route used to be only $6.00! What happened?" The taxi driver explains. "Well, construction was blocking the usual route, so I had to double back and take a longer route." The man considers this, then shrugs.
"I guess that's fare."
He'd forgotten his routes.
She said she had car pooled most if her school days. I asked what route they took, and she mentioned a road that had a tunnel. I asked if it made her wrist hurt. She said 'No, why would it?' my response: 'Havent you ever heard if Car Pool-Tunnel Syndrome?"
I have to eat dinner with the dogs tonight now.
Every able lad within a few hundred miles wanted to play football for Central Catholic Fighting Knights.
Those who were familiar with the program, knew that the true heart and soul of the Knights football program was Sister Mary Margaret, an aged nun who would, in full habit, get out on the practice field and work on routes with the receivers, give pointers to the quarterbacks on their stances and releases, but most of all, love them like the second mother that she became to all of the boys in that program.
One year, on the eve of the state championship game, some evil malefactors broke into the convent and kidnapped Sister Mary Margaret. Everyone was stunned by the news, but none more so than the Knights of Central Catholic. They were devastated at the loss of their mentor.
As you might guess, the state championship game didn't go very well. For the first time in the history of the football program, the Knights were shut out. The Spartans beat them 42-0.
The next day, the headline on the local sports section read:
No Offense, Nun Taken
