Adam was ribbed for his own pleasure
πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ACDH_2002
πŸ“…︎ Mar 03 2019
🚨︎ report
My son ribbed me, "You know dad, even though you're getting up there, your hearing is still really good."

I retorted, "Well son, I guess you could say that I'm just deaf defying!"

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Feb 27 2018
🚨︎ report
I'll stick to my ribs

A woman walked into the kitchen one day and saw, much to her horror, her husband sitting at the table with blood all over most of his face, his chest, hands, arm, and on the table. She watched for a moment, shocked, as he began pouring barbeque sauce on his arm where most of the blood was coming from.

"Stop that! What are you doing!? What happened to your arm?!" She finally managed to scream as she unjammed all the words trying to flow out at once.

Her husband looked at her with a disgusted frown and a shake of his head and replied "I've made a terrible me-steak"

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dazmo
πŸ“…︎ Jan 12 2021
🚨︎ report
That's some prime rib roast rith there
πŸ‘︎ 114
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πŸ‘€︎ u/squidley7793
πŸ“…︎ Jun 23 2020
🚨︎ report
Why, after a rib dinner, did everyone want wet, juvenile nocturnal raptors?

And why do they think I’d have a supply of moist owlets, anyways?

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/pj566
πŸ“…︎ May 10 2020
🚨︎ report
What’s a Frog’s favourite food?

Rib Bits.

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/RogueVogueDino
πŸ“…︎ Mar 24 2021
🚨︎ report
A meat-loving king has a contest to find the next royal chef

A meat-loving king has a contest to find the next royal chef. He invites 3 renowned chefs from all over the kingdom to serve him and the favorite will become the new royal chef!

The first chef serves the king an enormous rack of ribs. "Very impressive," said the king.

The second chef serves a huge steak, cooked to perfection. "So satisfying," said the king.

The third chef gives the king a plate with small rocks on a bed of shredded cabbage. "What the hell is this," the king asks.

The third chef says, "These rocks fell from the sky into my back yard. Indeed, ribs and steak are very meaty, but asteroids are meteor!"

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ppardee
πŸ“…︎ Mar 19 2021
🚨︎ report
Read to have your ribs tickled.
πŸ‘︎ 173
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Farhan_Hyder
πŸ“…︎ Mar 20 2019
🚨︎ report
I just invested in a company that will pay me to keep t-bones and rib-eyes in my freezer to sell when the market improves...

I'm a steak-holder.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Apr 24 2020
🚨︎ report
When do ribs become seafood?

When you eat it in a so-fish-ticated restaurant

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/falknorRockman
πŸ“…︎ Jan 18 2020
🚨︎ report
Do you like ribs or wings?

I like them both i am bisnacksual

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Drgonnofski
πŸ“…︎ Nov 24 2019
🚨︎ report
Ronald McDonald was lonely.

So God made a woman for him from his McRib.

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DoomRulz
πŸ“…︎ Jan 26 2021
🚨︎ report
Have you ever tried glueing a hundred beef rib-eyes to every window of your house?

It’s pane steaking

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/boogerknows
πŸ“…︎ Sep 28 2019
🚨︎ report
We will never run out of puns now!

A giant list of puns

What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.

I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.

Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it’s tearable.

Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.

What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.

How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.

I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.

Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.

I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.

My cat was just sick on the carpet, I don’t think it’s feline well.

Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.

How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.

What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.

Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.

There’s a new type of broom out, it’s sweeping the nation.

What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.

What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.

Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.

Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.

The shovel was a ground breaking invention.

A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."

A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."

Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.

What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.

I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.

What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.

I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.

Towels can’t tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.

Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says "Do you smell fish?"

Do you know sign language? You should learn it, it’s pretty handy.

What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.

Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.

What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.

What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.

A cross eyed teacher couldn’t control his pupils.

After the accident, the juggler didn’t have the balls to do it.

I used to be afraid of hu

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 18
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πŸ‘€︎ u/communist_scumbag
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2020
🚨︎ report
Strudels stick to your ribs

Because they are made out of pastry.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/wordjunque
πŸ“…︎ Oct 10 2019
🚨︎ report
What beef only comes in 2, 3, 5, 7, or 11 ounce portions?

Prime Rib!

πŸ‘︎ 9k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Sir_Pluses
πŸ“…︎ May 15 2020
🚨︎ report
Can you Spare a Rib?

At the grocery store with my wife and we walk past the meat counter.....

Me: Oh these ribs must be the extras!

My Wife: Huh? What are you talking about?

Me: The package says they are Spare Ribs.

My Wife: Oh geez, you really need to stop.

πŸ‘︎ 1k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/cdub5298
πŸ“…︎ Jun 27 2016
🚨︎ report
Told this to my wife today

Me: What does Ronald McDonald do when he's angry?

Her: (sigh) What??

Me: He McGrrrrs

Her: (groan) please stop......

Me: Does that make you Grimace? (Chuckles)

Her: swift elbow to my ribs You tell me! * Sticks tongue out*

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/cneuf802
πŸ“…︎ Jan 28 2021
🚨︎ report
Me: "Dad, why are you banging a hammer on the rib roast?"

Dad: "Just fixing dinner."

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JoeFas
πŸ“…︎ Aug 27 2019
🚨︎ report
[Request] I need every skeleton/bone related pun you can think of for an upcoming D&D session...I want to really get under my players skin and give them a good ribbing!
πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SwimmingNaked
πŸ“…︎ May 19 2018
🚨︎ report
Would you take a look at her rack
πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ“…︎ Sep 27 2020
🚨︎ report
Baby Back Ribs
πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/hellABunk
πŸ“…︎ Jan 29 2018
🚨︎ report
What's a toads favorite drink?

Croaka-cola

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kickypie
πŸ“…︎ Oct 14 2020
🚨︎ report
How do surgeons do chest operations without breaking the rib cage?

They use the key.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Pdonkey
πŸ“…︎ Dec 24 2018
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the sentient rack of ribs working at the BBQ?

Though it was good at its job, it was fired anyway.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BartholomewDan
πŸ“…︎ Feb 23 2019
🚨︎ report
What is a skeleton's favorite snack?

Spare ribs.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kreyfor
πŸ“…︎ Dec 08 2020
🚨︎ report
How does a French skeleton say hello?

Bone-jour.

πŸ‘︎ 61
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πŸ‘€︎ u/howiewu0402
πŸ“…︎ Jul 03 2020
🚨︎ report
What does a 6'5" butcher weigh?

Meat.

πŸ‘︎ 8k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/cyphr0st
πŸ“…︎ Aug 05 2019
🚨︎ report
With the McRib re-released a couple of days ago, I did this at McDonalds drive-thru today:

Me: Do you have Mac Rib in that special box.

Order Girl: Yes, yes we do.

Me: You should let him out. And I'll take three of them and a large fry.

(I was the only one that laughed, she just read back my total)

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/professorf
πŸ“…︎ Dec 04 2020
🚨︎ report
How do nymphomaniacs like their barbecue ribs?

Bonin'.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/NathanOfLight
πŸ“…︎ Dec 01 2017
🚨︎ report
Why don't mathematicians need knives to eat prime rib?

It's indivisible!

πŸ‘︎ 25
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πŸ“…︎ Jul 05 2015
🚨︎ report
I was eating ribs at a BBQ restaurant, and the waiter asked me, β€œ Sir, do you need a Wet-Nap?”

I said, β€œNo thanks. I already took one this afternoon.”

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Nov 17 2018
🚨︎ report
So I was eating ribs last night

And my dad came and sat down beside me at the table. I apologized for not waiting to begin my meal, and told him that I was utterly starving having not had lunch.

He looked at me and said "I can tell, I can see your ribs" then he began to eat.

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/floppypick
πŸ“…︎ Aug 31 2017
🚨︎ report
My father fell from a tree and shattered the ribs on his left side

He's really broken up about it

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Apr 27 2017
🚨︎ report
Excuse me, is someone doing dad jokes over here ?

'Cause I could step-dad in.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mr_CAVOK
πŸ“…︎ Aug 14 2020
🚨︎ report
If Amazon sold meat, it would be Prime rib.
πŸ‘︎ 22
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πŸ‘€︎ u/neragonian
πŸ“…︎ Mar 31 2017
🚨︎ report
What is Megatron's favorite steak?

Priiiiime Rib.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/henriega
πŸ“…︎ Sep 09 2020
🚨︎ report
While eating ribs I ask my daughter if she's seen how they make those little moistowelettes.

http://i.imgur.com/KqAnS3v.jpg

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/fatherramon
πŸ“…︎ Jan 16 2017
🚨︎ report
Last weak I broke my rib...

...when I asked my dad what was for dinner he said:

"Spare ribs", and he actually made me eat spare ribs.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/FelixMcCulloch64
πŸ“…︎ Jul 20 2015
🚨︎ report
From my 9yo. How do you tell someone was cutting wood?

You saw-dust. (There were exaggerated winks after. And a elbow to the ribs. It was glorious)

Edit: thanks for the love: My kid asked me if I was gonna share it on Facebook. I don’t use Facebook so I said I’d share it here. He’s practicing his jokes, he said, so he can be a good big brother. He’s got a corny sense of humor and loves a good dad joke.

For the couple of you who think I pimped his joke for Karma, look outward to that speck of light in your dark life. That light is your asshole. Go that way to remove your head from from it.

πŸ‘︎ 7k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Yeoshua82
πŸ“…︎ Jan 29 2019
🚨︎ report
My friend was going to barbecue baby backs but fell in the way to the grill...

He broke his ribs.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Jul 30 2020
🚨︎ report
Funny 'Dads Anonymous' story to share for the holiday weekend.

"Welcome everyone to Dads Anonymous. Again my name is Bill and you will notice that we have a new member, please welcome Gary -- Can you tell us what brought you to us today?"

"Well I have a very embarrassing confession. It's even hard to get the words out."

Bill reassures him, "We are all dads here and have been meeting for decades, we've been through all the highs and lows, births and deaths, tragedies, we've heard it all. Just tell us what's on your mind son, we are here to support each other."

"Well, a couple months ago, I broke both my legs in a motorcycle accident and couldn't walk, so I let my wife use the lawnmower." He says through the sobs...

Bob, one of the other dads, starts to get pale. "...and she didn't even cut it in a crisp geometric pattern, it was just random..." Bob starts to sweat and get dry heaves. "YOU BASTARD", he screams. "HOW COULD YOU LET THAT HAPPEN." The dads rise and get ready to beat the crap out of Gary, when Bill stands between them and breaks it up.

"Guys! Guys, we all get weak sometimes and things happen outside our control. Doug, you remember when you were in recovering from Chemo and you gave your wife a hammer, and she used it to hammer a roofing nail into the drywall to hang a picture!" Doug, looks down in shame, "Yes, that was a bad day, I was so weak. She missed the stud and left a dent in the wall, and she just hung the picture over it, crooked!" There was dead silence. "Thats ok Doug, it was twenty years ago, you were young and foolish, you can let it go". Then all the dads shook hands and sat back down.

Bill starts the meeting up again. Then Gary says, "..theres one more thing, Right after I got out of the hospital, she wanted to make a special dinner for us, so I let her grill the steaks..." "OH LORD THIS CAN'T BE HAPPENING!" screams Dave, another dad, his face turning red. Gary continues "...she burnt them one one side and they were dry and chewy." Now there is a bedlam, one dad immediately passes out cold, chairs are thrown, broken bottles, Gary is on the ground being kicked in the ribs. After a few tense minutes Bill managed to get the dads off of Gary. "Stop it, Dave you're killing him. Come on, you remember that time you let your wife go to the repair shop for an oil change?" Dave hung his head, and muttered yeah. "They convinced her to change the cabin filter, wiper blades and the radiator collant..." Bill kept prodding "and, aaand" ...Dave broke down, "and she bought a jug of blinker fluid!" T

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/KW-DadJoker
πŸ“…︎ May 24 2020
🚨︎ report
What's a cannibal's favorite snack?

A knuckle sandwich

πŸ‘︎ 41
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Sirdavide101
πŸ“…︎ Nov 21 2019
🚨︎ report
A giant list of puns from r/copypasta

A giant list of puns

What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.

I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.

Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it’s tearable.

Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.

What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.

How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.

I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.

Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.

I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.

My cat was just sick on the carpet, I don’t think it’s feline well.

Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.

How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.

What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.

Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.

There’s a new type of broom out, it’s sweeping the nation.

What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.

What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.

Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.

Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.

The shovel was a ground breaking invention.

A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."

A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."

Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.

What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.

I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.

What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.

I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.

Towels can’t tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.

Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says "Do you smell fish?"

Do you know sign language? You should learn it, it’s pretty handy.

What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.

Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.

What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.

What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.

A cross eyed teacher couldn’t control his pupils.

After the accident, the juggler didn’t have the balls to do it.

I used to be afraid of hu

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2020
🚨︎ report
Frogs don’t put pulled pork on their plates at a barbecue

They just rib it.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/CJCray8
πŸ“…︎ Oct 21 2020
🚨︎ report

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