Replying Puns

I still can’t believe she holy ghosted me

Rich exclaimed, "I want lots of money!"

“It’s to look at.”

"Stop eating caterpillars!"

"Rudolph the red knows rain dear"

"Stairs don't talk!"

That was last Tuesday, and I still haven’t got all the crumbs out of my hair.

I felt your presents!

“No thanks, I’m stuffed!"

So I'm pretty excited for the new year!

“Ya, I’m positive.”

"I'm a huge metal fan"

“They’re yellow, Homer’s fat, and Marge has blue hair.”

"It’s cutting hedge technology!"

Bidet bidet bidet, that’s all folks.

Looks like they are too busy today

“Beats me”

A car cant run it drives

“Fifty dollar bills.”

0K

Turkey says "blulululu awesome, bring me a Kevin!"

Finally, the Chihuahua says, "Liver alone, cheese mine."

"Put the horses in the back." I hate the song but it made me laugh

The mortician asked the deceased’s wife how she would like the body dressed. He points out the man looks good in the black suit he’s already wearing. The widow however said she thought her husband always looked his best in blue, and she would really like him in a blue suit. She then hands the mortician a blank cheque and says “I don’t care how much it costs, but please have my husband in a blue suit for the viewing.” The woman returns the next day for the wake. To her delight she finds her husband dressed in a gorgeous blue suit with a subtle chalk stripe. Remarkably, the suit fit him perfectly. She says to the mortician, “whatever this costs I’m very satisfied, you did an excellent job and I’m incredibly grateful. How much did you spend?” To her astonishment the mortician presents her with her blank cheque, and he says “there’s no charge.” Shocked she replies “no really, I feel like i must compensate you for the cost of that exquisite blue suit.” “Honestly ma’am”, the mortician says, “it costs nothing, you see a diseased gentleman about your husbands size was brought in shortly after you left yesterday. He was wearing an attractive blue suit. So I asked his wife if she minded if her husband went to the grave wearing black. She had said it made no difference so long as he looked nice. So from that point on it was really just a matter of switching the heads.”

"There are nun"

No, the steaks are too high!

... Just had my Appendix removed.

Man : *immediately starts marching around the room and says "so can you tell me now?"

"because where there's a Will there's a weigh."

Yes my horse is a Mustang and it mustang somewhere!

"Dont worry, those are freebees"

After about half an hour the doctor says..."You won't believe this, but i just pulled $1999 out of your bottom"

The man turns around and says "Yeah, I wasn't feeling 2 grand"

" I'm just a cactus " , it said. " You have a point there ", I replied.

She looked me dead in the eye and said, “Window or aisle?” I laughed in her face and replied, “Window or you’ll what?”

"You're both worth more than you used to be, even though you're unhinged and your knobs don't work!"

"For drinking." replies the cop.

"Great" says the man. "When do we start?"

Re:LAX

Second dog leaps up and goes berserk...

"Whisper it some words of encouragement!"

Then he shows me the empty packet of KY Jelly had smeared all over his morning toast.

He retorted, "Don't call me Three Years Old I'm Dad."

I have never been more proud.

Sofa sew good.

Dad: Give me your best knock knock joke. Or jokes. Do it when you can no rush.

Me: Does it have to be a knock knock joke or can it be any joke?

Dad: Knock Knock.

Me: Who’s there?

"Stop eating caterpillars!"

“No thanks, I’m stuffed!"

.. just had my Appendix removed.