Why did the mustard lose the race between sauces?

Because it couldn't ketchup

πŸ‘︎ 763
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πŸ‘€︎ u/YZXFILE
πŸ“…︎ Nov 15 2021
🚨︎ report
How do pickles celebrate their birthdays?

They relish the moment!

πŸ‘︎ 145
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πŸ‘€︎ u/steveo817
πŸ“…︎ Jan 07 2022
🚨︎ report
As its my cake day here is my favourite birthday joke...

How did pickles celebrate their birthday?

They relish the moment.

πŸ‘︎ 51
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πŸ‘€︎ u/stonewallgamer
πŸ“…︎ Jan 03 2022
🚨︎ report
I was having a discussion with a friend about who makes the best ketchup...

In Heinz sight, I'm still not sure.

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Captain_365
πŸ“…︎ Oct 23 2021
🚨︎ report
What happens when a relish confronts someone changing clothes?

A dressing addressing a dressing

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Persons1001
πŸ“…︎ Aug 02 2020
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Pickles on a hot dog?

Ah! I relish the thought!

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SlickHeadSinger
πŸ“…︎ Dec 14 2021
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My wife asked me to put ketchup on the shopping list...

Now I can't read anything.

πŸ‘︎ 8k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/crazyfortaco
πŸ“…︎ Feb 08 2021
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What do you call funny mayonnaise?

LMAO

β€”β€”β€”β€”

Courtesy of my 12 year old

πŸ‘︎ 109
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πŸ‘€︎ u/chattelcattle
πŸ“…︎ Jul 03 2021
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A paragraph of cooking/food based puns

Yam know, I know alot of ice food plums. I can dumpling em on you right now desprite the pickle I'm in. They're pretea cheesey but they get cheddar! There's eggndless pastabilities when it cucumbers to word plate. I doughn't meat to egg you on butter you should really try it! Just lettuce loose. Mustard up the courage to ketchup with the times and mayoby relish in the potgress of bready made humor! I know it mayo seem fishy butter you'll loaf it! I know you vegemight not carrot about puns but they're truly bratworth it! Clam on, don't be a chicken! Don't let your creams be creams! You donut know what you're mincing! Yah goatta be nuts not to try it once! I meat, water you doing right now anywaffer? Once you do, orange you be glad you tried? I'll even pear you up with someone you can make grape puns with! I'm sugar you'll be able to bake olive the amazucchini ones I'm saying right now! There'll be so much to tacobout. Though, I hope you don't have any beef. I don't think I'm stroganoff to stop boba you if you fight. I won't be able to cashew . Cerealously. Soooda...I guess you batter be ice and things will be all peachy! Oh to be a pizza the fun.. Man, I can go on but I'm dragonfruitn' this out and I avocadon't wanna come off as souper corny. So, lettuce toast to the cake world of puns and mango on like never before!

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/LaptopArmageddon
πŸ“…︎ Oct 20 2021
🚨︎ report
I used to have this joke about condiments, but I forgot the punchline...

And then I remembered it with some mental strength that I mustard.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ“…︎ Jul 26 2021
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I watched a show about condiments a couple months back, but never finished it.

I think I may need to Mustard up enough confidence to Ketchup on it, I Mayo may not Relish it later.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kamakazeguy
πŸ“…︎ Nov 06 2021
🚨︎ report
My Grandfather survived Pepper spray and Mustard gas attacks in two wars...

... And came home to us a seasoned Veteran.

Edit : To use a war pun.. " Wow, this really blew up " ...Thanks to all for contributing to this bit of fun. I feel like Granddad now with all the medals.

πŸ‘︎ 19k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HugoZHackenbush2
πŸ“…︎ Jun 29 2020
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I relish her response.
πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mikerockitjones
πŸ“…︎ Feb 05 2018
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I got ketchup in my eye.

I learned Heinz site is not always 20/20.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/earth_humanoid
πŸ“…︎ Apr 26 2021
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Ketchup
πŸ‘︎ 207
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πŸ‘€︎ u/stont753
πŸ“…︎ Oct 09 2020
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How did the condiment report to the army?

It mustered.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Sir_Pluses
πŸ“…︎ May 24 2021
🚨︎ report
Always bring a jar of chopped pickles to special occasions...

Relish the moment

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/hotsprings1234
πŸ“…︎ Aug 06 2021
🚨︎ report
Hey, pickle! I heard it was your birthday.

Relish it.

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mcdofras
πŸ“…︎ Jul 21 2021
🚨︎ report
What did the hotdog say to it’s bun?

Ketchup! I’ve mustard all my strength to help you!

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/imprettywitty
πŸ“…︎ Dec 11 2020
🚨︎ report
Wife dropped a jar of pickles upon opening the fridge; glass and pickle juice went all over the kitchen floor.

My 10 year old son: Don't worry, it's not a big dill. My wife while looking at me: -.-

πŸ‘︎ 21
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ProfessorPeterr
πŸ“…︎ Oct 21 2020
🚨︎ report
puns from r/memes
πŸ‘︎ 936
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πŸ‘€︎ u/StealthyInk
πŸ“…︎ Oct 20 2019
🚨︎ report
Dawn craved repetition.

It explains why she relished relish, and was a fan of fans.

But nothing compared to the joy of the early morning.

Because that's when the dawn dawned on Dawn.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/greedydita
πŸ“…︎ Jun 27 2021
🚨︎ report
What’s the sign of a really dedicated hot dog eating contestant?

They relish the competition.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jester57
πŸ“…︎ May 20 2021
🚨︎ report
nothing tops a plain hotdog
πŸ‘︎ 1k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/__ch4nc3__
πŸ“…︎ Mar 30 2019
🚨︎ report
We will never run out of puns now!

A giant list of puns

What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.

I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.

Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it’s tearable.

Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.

What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.

How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.

I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.

Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.

I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.

My cat was just sick on the carpet, I don’t think it’s feline well.

Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.

How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.

What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.

Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.

There’s a new type of broom out, it’s sweeping the nation.

What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.

What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.

Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.

Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.

The shovel was a ground breaking invention.

A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."

A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."

Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.

What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.

I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.

What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.

I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.

Towels can’t tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.

Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says "Do you smell fish?"

Do you know sign language? You should learn it, it’s pretty handy.

What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.

Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.

What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.

What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.

A cross eyed teacher couldn’t control his pupils.

After the accident, the juggler didn’t have the balls to do it.

I used to be afraid of hu

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 23
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πŸ‘€︎ u/communist_scumbag
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2020
🚨︎ report
What's the similarity between pessimists and people with a phobia of sausages?

They both fear the wurst

πŸ‘︎ 4k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TomG93
πŸ“…︎ Oct 26 2016
🚨︎ report
The Punner’s Prayer

Dear Lord as week seek to produce puns worthy of your praise, lettuce relish this opportunity. We ask that you would cause humor to sprout in the hearts of those who think us nuts. Continue to cultivate in us passion, fruit which beets back sadness and joy which leeks into others. Though some may say we are corny we know you will give us sage wisdom. Give us the confidence to know we are kale’in it as we bring choy to the world and live apply ever after.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Cool-breeze7
πŸ“…︎ Nov 13 2020
🚨︎ report
Hehe.
πŸ‘︎ 34
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πŸ‘€︎ u/scaredofheights00
πŸ“…︎ Oct 15 2019
🚨︎ report
I bought a horse

I bought a horse and called it mayo because mayo neighs.

πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ezeei
πŸ“…︎ Jul 08 2017
🚨︎ report
My wife tells my son (wearing a green shirt) he looks like a pickle...

My son: "I will take that as a condiment"

πŸ‘︎ 4k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/override11
πŸ“…︎ Sep 16 2015
🚨︎ report
He's a dad too. He chuckled.

Co-worker was telling me about his experience through the storms this weekend and how high winds blew his tomatoes down even though they were staked up.

Me: So, what you're telling me is you got caught with your plants down.

πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bobarhino
πŸ“…︎ Jun 09 2014
🚨︎ report
Why did the ketchup never leave the fridge?

He just couldn’t muster up the courage.

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Nolanix
πŸ“…︎ Apr 11 2019
🚨︎ report
What does a Ketchup say when he has to use a bathroom?

I Must-turd

πŸ‘︎ 149
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HanSoloz
πŸ“…︎ Nov 25 2017
🚨︎ report
My wife despises a certain condiment

I asked if she had ever heard of the local horse impersonator? That man neighs!

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mrmeanmustid
πŸ“…︎ Sep 15 2018
🚨︎ report
Unless sweet is your thing.

If you put too much relish on your hotdog is it dill appetited?

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/GavinStrict
πŸ“…︎ May 03 2020
🚨︎ report
I started my own pickle company

It's kinda a big dill.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/RobRoy333
πŸ“…︎ Jul 18 2019
🚨︎ report
Why did mustard start walking slower?

Because his friend couldn't ketch up

πŸ‘︎ 27
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PCreeper394
πŸ“…︎ Sep 08 2016
🚨︎ report
My obese friend was proud as she heaped a pickle topping all over her hot dog...

She relished it.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Sep 05 2020
🚨︎ report
My niece is a dad i think

She was wearing yellow and her sister was wearing red. i told them they looked like ketchup and mustard when she replied, "Well thank you. I'll take that as a condiment."

πŸ‘︎ 231
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πŸ“…︎ Mar 04 2016
🚨︎ report
Gordon Ramsay once survived a mustard-gas attack when he was in the army. Then, he got pepper-sprayed whilst at a protest.

You could say that he is relished among the cooking community, and truly a seasoned veteran

πŸ‘︎ 30
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dg_zano
πŸ“…︎ Feb 14 2020
🚨︎ report
What did the mustard say to the other sauce when they went for a run?

Ketch up

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/liverpool135
πŸ“…︎ Jul 13 2020
🚨︎ report
A giant list of puns from r/copypasta

A giant list of puns

What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.

I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.

Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it’s tearable.

Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.

What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.

How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.

I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.

Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.

I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.

My cat was just sick on the carpet, I don’t think it’s feline well.

Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.

How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.

What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.

Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.

There’s a new type of broom out, it’s sweeping the nation.

What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.

What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.

Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.

Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.

The shovel was a ground breaking invention.

A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."

A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."

Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.

What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.

I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.

What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.

I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.

Towels can’t tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.

Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says "Do you smell fish?"

Do you know sign language? You should learn it, it’s pretty handy.

What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.

Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.

What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.

What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.

A cross eyed teacher couldn’t control his pupils.

After the accident, the juggler didn’t have the balls to do it.

I used to be afraid of hu

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2020
🚨︎ report
How does a magician eat a hotdog?

With relish!

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Fabled_Bear
πŸ“…︎ Mar 03 2021
🚨︎ report
How do pickles celebrate their cake day?

They relish the moment.

πŸ‘︎ 66
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TB_II
πŸ“…︎ Jun 13 2020
🚨︎ report
Dad-joked my son when I picked him up from school yesterday.

Me: Did you hear about the soldier that survived mustard gas and pepper spray?

My Son: Nope.

Me: He's a seasoned veteran.

My Son: Ugh...

πŸ‘︎ 2k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ItMightGetBeard
πŸ“…︎ Oct 23 2013
🚨︎ report
514 Dad Jokes

What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.

I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.

Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it’s tearable.

Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.

What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.

How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.

I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.

Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.

I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.

My cat was just sick on the carpet, I don’t think it’s feline well.

Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.

How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.

What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.

Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.

There’s a new type of broom out, it’s sweeping the nation.

What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.

What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.

Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.

Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.

The shovel was a ground breaking invention.

A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."

A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."

Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.

What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.

I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.

What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.

I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.

Towels can’t tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.

Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says "Do you smell fish?"

Do you know sign language? You should learn it, it’s pretty handy.

What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.

Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.

What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.

What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.

A cross eyed teacher couldn’t control his pupils.

After the accident, the juggler didn

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 76
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Josvys
πŸ“…︎ Oct 03 2019
🚨︎ report
How do pickles enjoy their day off?

They relish it.

πŸ‘︎ 30
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Hiesenbooger
πŸ“…︎ Apr 23 2020
🚨︎ report
My dad pulled a fast one on me.

Me (eating hot dogs): Damn, I love how relish and mustard go so well together! It's like they're made for each other or something.

Dad: I didn't know you like relish and mustard that much.

Me: Me neither, this is really good!

Dad: Well that was quite the... complement.

πŸ‘︎ 46
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/iAmWerfs
πŸ“…︎ Dec 05 2016
🚨︎ report

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