A drunk dude decided to drive and get more beer. After being pulled over and questioned by the cop, the cop said β€œ sir I’m going to have to put you under arrest.” The guy then said

Bud-wei-ser?

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/exier--
πŸ“…︎ Nov 05 2020
🚨︎ report
My grandpa just came over to my house with a young guy wearing skinny jeans and eating avocado toast. Miffed, I questioned, β€œWho's this guy?” Gramps chuckled and replied, "Who, him?"

"This is my hip replacement!"

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ May 28 2020
🚨︎ report
Who is the most questioned man in the world?

Mark.

πŸ‘︎ 54
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Phripheoniks
πŸ“…︎ Jan 08 2020
🚨︎ report
Someone questioned the piece of cloth and fabric covering the lower half of my face

I told them β€œyou’re masking me something I don’t have the answer to, why not mask someone else?”

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/theburgerjoint
πŸ“…︎ May 28 2020
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the guy that robbed the library for every book they had? When questioned on how he did it he told authorities he basically talked the librarian into letting him. So i guess you could say he got a way with words.
πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ninjahands1
πŸ“…︎ Sep 10 2019
🚨︎ report
The cops questioned me about the dangerous hacker on the loose.

I think he ransomware.

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ“…︎ Mar 23 2019
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My brother hit me with this after I questioned if he should be day drinking on a Wednesday.

"Don't worry, boss said it was ok"

He owns his own business.

πŸ‘︎ 439
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πŸ‘€︎ u/superAL1394
πŸ“…︎ Feb 27 2015
🚨︎ report
Whenever grandpa was questioned...

I may not be right, but I am never wrong, except that one time. I thought I was wrong, but I was really right.

πŸ‘︎ 497
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πŸ‘€︎ u/almalikisux
πŸ“…︎ Jun 25 2014
🚨︎ report
An Orca was questioned by the cods about a potential murder.

But he didn't admit to anything. His lips were sealed. https://imgur.com/ogcyNTN

(My dad came up with this one on the fly when we visited Monterey when I was a kid).

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/robinson217
πŸ“…︎ Sep 15 2016
🚨︎ report
What did one tiger say to another tiger when his honesty was questioned?

"I'm not Lion"

πŸ‘︎ 18
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πŸ‘€︎ u/catakab1198
πŸ“…︎ Jun 11 2013
🚨︎ report
I mustache you a question...

...?

Can you shave it for later?

πŸ‘︎ 21
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DavidHill76
πŸ“…︎ Feb 13 2021
🚨︎ report
Important questions being asked
πŸ‘︎ 73
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Nickatier_Carbs
πŸ“…︎ Feb 02 2021
🚨︎ report
My dad had a burning question about grammar and I didn't know the answer so I came here to ask it.

His question was, "Is 'buttcheeks' one word?"

"Or should I spread them apart?"

πŸ‘︎ 57
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πŸ‘€︎ u/tis-a-pirate
πŸ“…︎ Feb 02 2021
🚨︎ report
I have a serious question...

So imagine you are transexual but suddenly one day you decide to stop being it. Then you are Trans former?

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Blaset
πŸ“…︎ Jan 30 2021
🚨︎ report
I was once offered the chance to join a secret club, where anyone who asks a question is permanently banned.

I said, "Sure, why not?"

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ryanooooo
πŸ“…︎ Jan 23 2021
🚨︎ report
I moustache you a question

Never mind I'll shave it for later...

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/UnkleSam03
πŸ“…︎ Feb 13 2021
🚨︎ report
I have a genuine question

Jen, you in the living room?

πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bobby_vance
πŸ“…︎ Feb 12 2021
🚨︎ report
??
πŸ‘︎ 104
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πŸ‘€︎ u/M_Arslan_Tahir
πŸ“…︎ Feb 03 2021
🚨︎ report
I came home really drunk last night and my wife wasn’t happy at all. β€œHow much have you had to drink?” she asked sternly, staring at me. β€œNothing” I slurred. β€œLook at me!” she shouted. β€œIt’s either me or the pub, which one is it?”

I paused for a second while I thought and mumbled, β€œIt’s you. I can tell by the voice.”

πŸ‘︎ 16k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Dec 27 2020
🚨︎ report
USPS Questions

Should tortillas be sent flat rate? Is armor headgear sent over knight? Is an addicts mail tracked? Is mail to Gold's gym sent bulk rate? Should mail to a school's kindergarten be sent 1st class? Should the IRS send return receipts? just wondering...

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bolt470
πŸ“…︎ Jan 18 2021
🚨︎ report
I have a pencil that used to belong to William Shakespeare. He chewed it a lot.

Now, I can't tell if it's 2B or not 2B!

πŸ‘︎ 13k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/cotswoldboy
πŸ“…︎ Dec 10 2020
🚨︎ report
I was on a diabetes awareness website and it asked me if I accept cookies...

Is this a trick question?

πŸ‘︎ 10k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Jan 16 2021
🚨︎ report
Question

Why is today not National ballerina day?

I mean it is 2-2 after all

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/taterheadx2
πŸ“…︎ Feb 02 2021
🚨︎ report
What is the difference between a radius and a diameter?

A radius.

πŸ‘︎ 775
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πŸ‘€︎ u/angrysandclock
πŸ“…︎ Jan 16 2021
🚨︎ report
I have one question for victims of ninjas...

..Who hurt you?

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jan 19 2021
🚨︎ report
Question: What are doldrums?

Answer: Barbie's bongos.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ“…︎ Dec 26 2020
🚨︎ report
I built a model of Mount Everest and my son asked, β€œIs it to scale?” I replied, β€œNo…”

β€œIt’s to look at.”

πŸ‘︎ 18k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Nov 23 2020
🚨︎ report
Jean-Pierre’s dream of meeting an Extra-Terrestrial finally came true. His first question for the alien was...

You must be from Mars, eh?

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/granquist04
πŸ“…︎ Jan 24 2021
🚨︎ report
A simple question from my 6 year old son.

A meteorite is a small meteor, right?

Full credit to my son, he will truly make a great dad some day.

πŸ‘︎ 18
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πŸ‘€︎ u/melanthius
πŸ“…︎ Jan 09 2021
🚨︎ report
What did Obi Wan say to Luke when he was dating morally questionable women?

Your thots will betray you.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/michaelc84
πŸ“…︎ Jan 14 2021
🚨︎ report
Dad joke

What do you see when the smog lifts in Los Angeles?

U.C.L.A...

πŸ‘︎ 47
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheChestar
πŸ“…︎ Feb 11 2021
🚨︎ report
Dentists always ask dumb questions like β€œwhen’s the last time you flossed?”

Like bro you were there!

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Sandyatk445
πŸ“…︎ Dec 26 2020
🚨︎ report
Son: "Dad, what are condoms used for ?"

Dad: "To avoid such questions."

πŸ‘︎ 3k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Jan 12 2021
🚨︎ report
Wife (serious question): What is the difference between a date and a prune?

Me: one you get lucky and the other you don't.

She was mad enough to leave the room...

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/moar-coffee-plz
πŸ“…︎ Nov 23 2020
🚨︎ report
I’ve been trying to solve a complicated maths question to take my mind off my constipation. Today, using only a pencil and sheer determination...

I finally worked it out.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Dongwaffler
πŸ“…︎ Dec 26 2020
🚨︎ report
Don't question the context.
πŸ‘︎ 33
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πŸ‘€︎ u/GoodTastingDad
πŸ“…︎ Nov 10 2020
🚨︎ report
My son was about to ask me 1 million questions about everything.

I said " Chucky Cheese"

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Slymood
πŸ“…︎ Dec 06 2020
🚨︎ report
Police were questioning an egg

He couldn’t say anything, he was scrambling for words.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Dec 06 2020
🚨︎ report
Which question can come to first, but never last?

First question.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kittyreaper88
πŸ“…︎ Dec 21 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you get when you cross a dad joke with rhetorical question?

Hmm.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/yet-another-dad
πŸ“…︎ Dec 15 2020
🚨︎ report
The guy I suspect is a cannibal in the office always brings in something questionable.

Today was white chick in chili.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TitFartFerguson
πŸ“…︎ Dec 07 2020
🚨︎ report
The most important question before choosing your future wife ...

Which is witch ?

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/afarro
πŸ“…︎ Dec 11 2020
🚨︎ report
Dr: We had to remove your colon

Me Why?

πŸ‘︎ 67
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Blindingdoor554
πŸ“…︎ Jan 19 2021
🚨︎ report
A woman was 3 months pregnant when she fell into a deep coma and woke up after about 6 months.

The woman asked the doctor about her baby.

Doctor: You had twins, a boy and a girl. They're both fine. And, you're brother named them for you.

Woman: No No No! Not my brother. He's an idiot! What did he name the girl?

Doctor: Denise.

Woman: Ohh, that's actually a nice name. What about the boy?

Doctor: deeply sighs Denephew.

πŸ‘︎ 25k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/_joshi_
πŸ“…︎ Aug 19 2020
🚨︎ report
Axolotl questions
πŸ‘︎ 106
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πŸ‘€︎ u/averyhungryperson
πŸ“…︎ Sep 12 2020
🚨︎ report
What has questionable principles and flies?

Mike pence during tonight’s debate.

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Anddditburns
πŸ“…︎ Oct 08 2020
🚨︎ report
Can I axe you a question?

Never mind you’d chop at it.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Joe_mama_89
πŸ“…︎ Dec 06 2020
🚨︎ report
Guys, I have a question. Me and a friend are arguing about the setting of the Ace Attorney games.

He keeps telling me its LA, but its gotta be Phoenix, right?

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SilverStoneX1
πŸ“…︎ Nov 20 2020
🚨︎ report
Someone asked me to name 2 structures that hold water.

I was like well damn.

πŸ‘︎ 18k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Branith
πŸ“…︎ Aug 25 2020
🚨︎ report
With the global warming raising the sea level, it is only a question of time for England to become Engsea.
πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Matthieunc
πŸ“…︎ Oct 23 2020
🚨︎ report
Dad, can I ask you a question?

You just did.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bp1108
πŸ“…︎ Dec 20 2020
🚨︎ report
Dad, can I ask you a question?

You just did.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bp1108
πŸ“…︎ Dec 20 2020
🚨︎ report

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