Why can’t an egg speak publicly?
Cardi B’s sister used to spy for the Russian government, but refuses to talk about it publicly
New York isn't trading any iron publicly...
...but they do have Woodstock.
Publicly embarrassed the wife and daughter today.
We were pulling up to a coffee shop with a fairly crowded frozen yogurt store named Sweet Frog next door. My daughter upon getting out says "The frogurt store is slammed".
I seized my opportunity replying to her with "Don't you mean the frog-urt store is hoppin?"
I don’t really publicize the fact that I’m Thor’s brother.
How do you get a farm girl to like you?
Dad jokes that you overuse in public that infuriate your partner?
So my partner probably wants to stab me more than i think. Almost every time she ask is me to “put the kettle on” I respond “I can’t, it won’t fit” or if we’re shopping and I’m asked “do you need a bag” I point at her and say “it’s fine I brought my own” there are others, but they currently evade my 2am brain.
I feel I need some new ones to keep her on her toes and what better place than this sanctum of one liners (except for this post, for which I apologise).
Why did the teacher never fart in public?
Did you hear about the teddy who got arrested for public indecency?
Imagine a form of public transportation where there is no monetary fee but you relive past mistakes for as long as you are a passenger
The public pool sector must be taking a real dive right now
After many years of therapy, my psychologist has finally cured me of the desire to sit in the corner in public and blow on people that walk by! But now I have the urge to wear teen idol t-shirts and lean against the wall...
Long time fan, first time poster.
Throwback to when I found this vacant billboard in public
Bad saxophone players should be put on some kind of public list.
I want to know if I'm living next to a registered sax offender.
What do you call someone who doesn’t fart in public?
Public Service Announcement: In order to meet the energy budget for 2020....
the light at the end of the tunnel has been turned off.
Thank you and have a nice day.
My friend tried to delay the inevitable by locking himself in a public bathroom...
I don't think it worked out
Do you use toilet seat liners in public restrooms?
Or do you not give a crap
Egyptian Council Leader: the public transport in Cairo is terrible.
Egyptian Transport Secretary: We need a new bus
I know it's a public health thing ... still getting pretty tired of this Korn teen
People who go out in public without a mask make me sick.
Why is whispering in public a bad idea?
I can't believe the lights in the public bathroom went out
now i can't see Jack shit
What do you call bread that doesn’t want its name out in the public
While living alone and always wearing a mask in public, I grew a mustache without anyone knowing.
A new disease is sweeping the world. It's a type of nostril infection, very costly to test for
But one man, born with extra sensitive smelling, has been providing free exams to the public to eradicate this new threat. Dr. Theodore Nose of UCH Hospital has a long line of patients waiting every morning, wanting the incredible accuracy of this man.
And as his secretary says...
No one's nose knows noses like Nose's nose knows noses.
In order to stay healthy during this pandemic, I’ve been dancing in public while insulting people.
I practice social diss dancing.
Did you hear about the fraction that was arrested for drinking whiskey in public?
I'm thinking about starting a company to provide Wi-Fi in public swimming areas.
I'm going to call it IP in Pools
People who dislike breadfeeding in public are not haters.
They're just tired of breasts being milked for all its worth.
Farmers notice : Public access to this field and footpath is free.
I just had an half hour argument with my 5 year old about the importance of wearing pants in public, and she won.
So today I’m wearing pants to take her to school.
I tried to start a conversation in the public restroom...
but everyone was occupied
Hey pal, why won’t you cover your face while you’re in public?
What was the rap name of the Jewish guy with a fear of public speaking?
Friend asked why I never used the public restrooms
Because I'm not a party pooper.
The missus just told me airlines are selling their ready meals to the public.
Dad: They'll never take off.
llamenting every public breath I take
I just passed gas in public and everyone heard it.
They really caught wind of the situation
If A is for Apple and B is for Banana, then what is C for?
People! The public bathrooms are for peeing only!
Either you're in, or you're out!
Why did the flash light get arrested?...
.
.
.
.
For public flashing.
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