But I immediately recognized the faux pas.
So he yelled, "Hey - ya new tent has come I bet!" as he ran to the door
He's totally a sucker.
But the truth is, I can't stand it.
Oops, wrong sub.
Her: Are you okay?
Me: Yeah. It just Hertz a little.
It's getting late, baby is napping, wife is starting to make dinner, I'm browsing Reddit in the other room. Suddenly from the other room I hear:
> Wife: "Can you pick up the dog poop before it gets dark?" > > Me: Pause. "But the poop is already dark!" > > Wife: Pretends not to hear. > > Me: "heh heh heh"
I thought it was funny.
Because he was a "caw'n man"!
But I'm on a roll now.
She thinks that I'm a keeper.
Noble gases have no reaction.
So I had to put my foot down
He was ostrich-sized
Yeah. It was wrong on so many levels.
I said "no wait, I can change."
“No thanks, I’m stuffed!"
Stop pretending.
It's a running gag
When I woke up I realized that there was a bounty on my head
Chalkolate
She's a real night towel
You stop pretending.
"Greetings, comrade." says the spy, but before he could finish his sentence, the Russian says, "I think you are American spy."
The spy is alarmed, but being a skilled, trained, spy, he says, "That is not true! I am the proudest Soviet there is! I can sing the anthem more beautifully than any other man in the country!"
He then proceeds to sing the Soviet anthem, so melodically and beautifully, that everybody in the bar cheers.
"Very good, very good!" says the politician. "But I still think you are spy."
The man continues to keep his cool.
"I am a historian! I can tell you everything about this glorious country!"
He then spends about two hours recounting the Revolution, the Great Patriotic War, about how superior to the Russia is in terms of technology compared to America and makes a great argument about how communism is beneficial to society.
"Amazing! You are skilled!" says the politician.
The spy smirks.
"But I still think you American spy."
The spy is getting frustrated, but still unfazed.
He replies, "I am good drinker, a true Russian! Let us drink, and see who can come out top!"
The bar turns its attention to the politician and the spy, who are now in a drinking contest.
The bartender serves drink after drink of vodka.
After about an hour of drinking, the politician nearly passes out, unable to hold as much liquor as the spy, to a resounding cheer amongst the bar.
In the midst of the cheering, the Russian politician gets up, smiling, and in a slurred speech, repeats, "You are good, you are good... but I still think you are spy."
The American spy, piss drunk, loses his skill and gives up.
"Okay, you got me. I am an American. But what made you think that way, after all this time?"
The Russian politician replies, "There aren't many black people in Russia."
I’m tired of his mine games.
He was sick of me horsing around
I told her that in medieval days, people were named Lance a lot.
“That’s just spam.”
A purrson
The kid: "Me? How?"
He answered me neigh
"First we take the tortilla and lay it out. Then we add the sliced meat, and veggies, dressing it with the red sauce by Franks. Add the cheese and fold it in on itself".....
"Ok, that's a Wrap"
A college athlete.
It's a cherished air-loom in my family.
Pika-BOO!
Noble gases have no reaction.
Sorry, but I had to put my foot down with that one.
“No thanks, I’m stuffed!"
I said, “But wait, I can change!”
Noble gases have no reaction.
She asked, “Do you want anything to eat, Mr. Bear?”
In my best bear voice, I replied, “No thanks, I’m stuffed.”
Noble gases should have no reaction.
But I can't stop now! I'm on a roll!
I had to put my foot down.
