I have a list of friends who love palindromes!

Nell, Edna, Leon, Nedra, Anita, Rolf, Nora, Alice, Carol, Leo, Jane, Reed, Dena, Dale, Basil, Rae, Penny, Lana, Dave, Denny, Lena, Ida, Bernadette, Ben, Ray, Lila, Nina, Jo, Ira, Mara, Sara, Mario, Jan, Ina, Lily, Arne, Bette, Dan, Reba, Diane, Lynn, Ed, Eva, Dana, Lynne, Pearl, Isabel, Ada, Ned, Dee, Rena, Joel, Lora, Cecil, Aaron, Flora, Tina, Arden, Noel, and Ellen.

πŸ‘︎ 9k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/icemage27
πŸ“…︎ Mar 31 2021
🚨︎ report
What’s an impostor’s favorite breakfast?

Sus-age.

πŸ‘︎ 22
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ghost_Foot
πŸ“…︎ Apr 19 2021
🚨︎ report
A list of puns I made about a friend named Ann.

ANNforgivable, ANNother One, bANNed, ANNdroid, ANNticlimactic, ANNbelievable, ANNemployment, ANNcharted, ANNgry, ANNlucky, ANNseen, ANNalyze, ANNadvised, ANNafraid, ANNaided, ANNapologetic, United NatANNs, AmericANN, CanadiANN, IndiANN, JamaicANN, BritANN, JapANN, AsiANN, HumANN, ANNoying, DirectANN, ProductANN, DestructANN, RegeneratANN, AcceleratANN, AbsorptANN, AccommodatANN, AccumulatANN ActANN, additANN, SubscriptANN, SubtractANN, MultiplicatANN, DivisANN, EducatANN, AssumptANN, AppreciatANN, ANNything.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DevotionInChains
πŸ“…︎ Jun 17 2021
🚨︎ report
What do impostors do In front of therapists?

They vent.

πŸ‘︎ 20
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Artisticspawm
πŸ“…︎ Oct 05 2020
🚨︎ report
My dog peed on my list of favorite businesses in the city

Now what’s left is Yellow Pages

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/GrabApprehensive
πŸ“…︎ Jun 10 2021
🚨︎ report
When I married my wife, I made a list of all the chores I knew how to do to help out in the house.

It was the list I could do

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jpereira73
πŸ“…︎ May 29 2021
🚨︎ report
I was playing among us and someone accused me that i was impostor

I just need to vent about it for a bit

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/darkblade768
πŸ“…︎ Jan 28 2021
🚨︎ report
Below I will list my two favorite bee related dad-jokes.

What do you call bees that make milk?

Boo-bees

What do you call a beehive with no exit?

Un-bee-leavable

πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/rubzta
πŸ“…︎ Jun 28 2021
🚨︎ report
Nurse: Here is the list of heart, liver and kidney donors arranged in alphabetical order.

Doctor: Thank you. It is very organ-ized.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VeryLastBison
πŸ“…︎ Apr 30 2021
🚨︎ report
A was the Impostor
πŸ‘︎ 40
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HillAreasYT
πŸ“…︎ Oct 25 2020
🚨︎ report
Went for a job interview and I was put on the short list.

I’m 6ft 2” how big are the others?

πŸ‘︎ 31
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MaxQ50
πŸ“…︎ Jun 09 2021
🚨︎ report
My wife asked me to put ketchup on the shopping list...

Now I can't read anything.

πŸ‘︎ 8k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/crazyfortaco
πŸ“…︎ Feb 08 2021
🚨︎ report
I've spent all morning trying to think of a quality pun, just to come up with THIS otter rubbish.
πŸ‘︎ 3k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/awesome_smokey
πŸ“…︎ Jun 28 2021
🚨︎ report
My Son Ate a Bunch of Scrabble Tiles. My Wife is Scared but I'm not...

He should have a good vowel movement. His next diaper change could spell disaster though.

πŸ‘︎ 8k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/hypeaze
πŸ“…︎ Jun 23 2021
🚨︎ report
Two drunk guys were about to get into a brawl. One of the guys grabs a stick and draws a line in the dirt and says "If you cross this line, I'll hit you in the face"

That was the punchline

πŸ‘︎ 9k
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πŸ“…︎ Jun 29 2021
🚨︎ report
Chinese takeout: $11.77. Price of gas to get there: $3.00

Making it all the way home and realizing that they forgot one of the containers:

Riceless

πŸ‘︎ 5k
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πŸ“…︎ Jun 28 2021
🚨︎ report
I've just made a list of the top 10 dad jokes I know. The first 9 are alright but the last one is absoutely briliant.
  1. alright
  2. alright
  3. alright
  4. alright
  5. alright
  6. alright
  7. alright
  8. alright
  9. alright
  10. absoutely briliant
πŸ‘︎ 54
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Skycam3014
πŸ“…︎ Jan 28 2021
🚨︎ report
Today on a walk my son was asking about a bunch of plants and stuff, he pointed to one and I said it was a fungi.

Without missing a beat he asks "Daddy, do you know how much room you need to grow Fungi like that?"

I did not know.

So he tells me "as Mushroom as possible!"

So proud.

πŸ‘︎ 9k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/smoffatt34920
πŸ“…︎ Jun 26 2021
🚨︎ report
The benefits of beer listed in bullet pints:

🍺 Beer is more nutritious than other alcoholic drinks.

🍺 Beer can help protect your heart.

🍺 Beer helps prevent kidney stones.

🍺 Beer lowers bad cholesterol.

🍺 Beer strengthens your bones.

🍺 Beer helps reduce stress.

🍺 Beer may help improve memory.

🍺 Beer helps cognitive function.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dubaidadjokes
πŸ“…︎ Mar 10 2021
🚨︎ report
My wife told me to pick up 8 cans of soda on my way home from work

She was pretty mad when I only picked seven up

πŸ‘︎ 6k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/eamonn_russell
πŸ“…︎ Jun 27 2021
🚨︎ report
Grandma is always saying to me ' Hey what's the name of that German guy again who keeps taking my stuff '

Alzheimer, Grandma, it's Alzheimer.

πŸ‘︎ 6k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HugoZHackenbush2
πŸ“…︎ Jun 23 2021
🚨︎ report
why was V the impostor

it comes after U

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jeff-herebois
πŸ“…︎ Nov 12 2020
🚨︎ report
Always part of a classical dish
πŸ‘︎ 3k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ToastyZ71
πŸ“…︎ Jun 19 2021
🚨︎ report
What do cannibals serve at the beginning of dinner party?

handshakes

πŸ‘︎ 8k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Tarjuful_Tabeeb
πŸ“…︎ Jun 02 2021
🚨︎ report
SpongeBob may be the main character of the show.

But Patrick is the star.

πŸ‘︎ 11k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jun 16 2021
🚨︎ report
A conversation I had on a dating app. For context, her instagram is mainly pictures of chairs and her name rhymes with chair.
πŸ‘︎ 912
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πŸ‘€︎ u/No-Priority5118
πŸ“…︎ Jun 23 2021
🚨︎ report
My gaming buddy who works at Walter Reed told that he knows who the impostor is

He told me he "saw orange vented".

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/GasDoves
πŸ“…︎ Oct 02 2020
🚨︎ report
I asked my German friend if he knew the square root of 81.

He said no.

πŸ‘︎ 11k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/superuglypotate
πŸ“…︎ May 25 2021
🚨︎ report
Hired a handy man and gave him a list. When I got home, only items #1, 3, & 5 were done.

Turns out, he only does odd jobs.

πŸ‘︎ 490
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πŸ‘€︎ u/crazyfortaco
πŸ“…︎ Feb 26 2021
🚨︎ report
What kind of tree comes from your mouth?

Poetry.

πŸ‘︎ 1k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/h3rmitsunited
πŸ“…︎ Jun 28 2021
🚨︎ report
What do you call a line of men waiting to get haircuts?

A barberqueue

πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ“…︎ Jun 30 2021
🚨︎ report
The one and only acceptable way of advertising
πŸ‘︎ 3k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/supdawggg00
πŸ“…︎ Jun 25 2021
🚨︎ report
Scientist have actually discovered a feline-like life-form on Mars! But unfortunately, one of their rovers ran over it, and

Curiosity killed the cat :(

πŸ‘︎ 9k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ancient_Presence
πŸ“…︎ Jun 04 2021
🚨︎ report
I’m sorry aboot these. Please don’t kick me out of this sub or shoe me away....
πŸ‘︎ 3k
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πŸ“…︎ Jun 12 2021
🚨︎ report
My friend keeps saying β€œCheer up, man. It could be worse, you could be stuck underground in a hole full of water.”

I know he means well.

Edit: Wow. Thanks for the awards, kind Reddit strangers!

πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/EightRules
πŸ“…︎ Jun 29 2021
🚨︎ report
Everyone has heard of the historical figure, Karl Marx.

But no one remembers his sister, Onya, who invented the starting pistol.

πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/OwenJthomas89
πŸ“…︎ Jun 19 2021
🚨︎ report
My friend was trying to feed her baby but he was having none of it. I said "Try the Airplane."

She said, "Airplane? What is it?"

"It's a classic spoof film from the 1980s but that's not important right now."

πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BellaLugosisChips
πŸ“…︎ Jun 08 2021
🚨︎ report
What do you call 2000 pounds of bones?

A skele-ton!

πŸ‘︎ 504
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VegetarianReaper
πŸ“…︎ Jun 30 2021
🚨︎ report
Ah sorry i didn't read the name of the subreddit right
πŸ‘︎ 241
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πŸ“…︎ Jun 30 2021
🚨︎ report
The CEO of IKEA was just selected as the Prime Minister of Sweden

He’s assembling his cabinet.

πŸ‘︎ 864
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πŸ“…︎ Jul 02 2021
🚨︎ report
A storm blew away 25% of my roof last night....

..... oof !!

πŸ‘︎ 8k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ May 23 2021
🚨︎ report
So we all know that you find H2O inside a fire hydrant, but what do you find on the outside of a fire hydrant?

K9P

πŸ‘︎ 7k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MyNameIsVoodoo
πŸ“…︎ May 18 2021
🚨︎ report
What weighs more? A gallon of water or a gallon of butane?

Water. Butane is a lighter fluid

πŸ‘︎ 613
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πŸ‘€︎ u/OwenJthomas89
πŸ“…︎ Jun 26 2021
🚨︎ report
DAD JOKES ARE NOT DIRTY.

Go post NSFW jokes somewhere else. If I can't tell my kids this joke, then it is not a DAD JOKE.

If you feel it's appropriate to share NSFW jokes with your kids, that's on you. But a real, true dad joke should work for anyone's kid.

Mods... If you exist... Please, stop this madness. Rule #6 should simply not allow NSFW or (wtf) NSFL tags. Also, remember that MINORS browse this subreddit too? Why put that in rule #6, then allow NSFW???

Please consider changing rule #6. I love this sub, but the recent influx of NSFW tagged posts that get all the upvotes, just seem wrong when there are good solid DAD jokes being overlooked because of them.

Thank you,

A Dad.

πŸ‘︎ 11k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Von_Bostaph
πŸ“…︎ Jun 18 2021
🚨︎ report
Does anyone know any good sword fighting puns ? I'm trying to think of any words that have..

..a duel meaning.

πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HugoZHackenbush2
πŸ“…︎ May 23 2021
🚨︎ report
My dad asked me if I had heard of Murphy's Law

I said "Yes, dad. If something can go wrong, it will go wrong".

He then asked me if I had heard of Coles Law

"No, dad. What is that one"?

He says, "thinly sliced cabbage".

πŸ‘︎ 505
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πŸ“…︎ Jul 02 2021
🚨︎ report
I've come up with a list of the top 10 types of specialized chairs

Number 3 will shock you

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/LinkRar
πŸ“…︎ Dec 17 2020
🚨︎ report
My Daughter says to me at dinner " Hey Dad, your glass is empty, would you like another one of those ? "

..why would I want two empty glasses..!?

πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HugoZHackenbush2
πŸ“…︎ Jun 27 2021
🚨︎ report
My wife told me to put ketchup on the shopping list .

Now I can't read anything .

πŸ‘︎ 31
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ivanshu
πŸ“…︎ May 24 2021
🚨︎ report

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