You'd be hard-pressed to find good cider in this town.
One of my fathers last wishes was to have his ashes pressed into a record....
It was his vinyl request.
When Biden pressed Trump about his Chinese bank account, Trump admitted...
Depressed = not pressed (sorry if that ruined the joke but last time I posted this nobody got it)
When someone is depressed, apply pressure to some part of their body. They'll no longer be de-pressed.
What do you call a snake pressed up against the front glass of a car?
Prosecutors pressed charges against the popcorn maker today
Fresh pressed slacks...
...are the definition of irony.
Why did Karen press CTRL + ALT +DEL?
She wanted the task manager
A press conference was held with the lead of the school's administration about bullying
He said it has to be stopped, it's a matter of principal
Why is it a bad idea to iron a four leaf clover?
Because you shouldn't press your luck!
Why did the popcorn want to press charges?
Because it was a-salt-ed!
I don't know why I'm so afraid of pressing buttons.
I just can't put my finger on it.
Dad to Son: "Have you heard about the new online game that's just been released that's heaps popular and getting a lot of press?
Son: "What's it called?"
Dad: "Month."
Son: "Huh?"
Dad: "Apparently it's twice as good as Fortnite".
How do you describe bench-press obsessed army boys insulting each other while they're being shot at?
Chest nuts roasting in open fire
My wife told me she’ll slam my head on the keyboard if I don't get off the computer.
I’m not too worried, I think she’s jokinlkjhfakljn m,.nbziyoao78yv87dfaoyuofaytdf
Four Seasons Total Lawn Care created some good ones after the bizarre press conference Saturday such as "Lawn and Order" and "Make America Rake Again" - I don't see them using this one on their promotional materials though:
I always love pressing F5 on my keyboard.
Constitutional rights at stake.
The saddest activity in my life...is crushing coke cans.
I read a press release from Heinz saying: "We will never make a Bolognese version of our Alphabetti Spaghetti.
I thought, Blimey. They don't mince their words.
I got sad while reading a story about a deer who died from a hydraulic press...
It was very deer-pressing...
My brother had to quit his job as a weightlifter because he wasn't strong enough.
He handed in his too weak notice yesterday.
My uncle worked in a can crushing plant...
His job was soda pressing.
I resigned from the ironing board.
Too many pressing issues and no way to de crease the number of suits against us.
I just learned how the penny press at the mint works.
It makes cents if you think about it.
I used to have a job crushing pop cans
What do you call a cute button, which on pressing norifies the house owner to open the door?
Why was the Press Secretary hard to understand?
She wasn't McEnany sense.
I asked my husband to please press pause
and he did so on our dog’s paws
I've been bench pressing 10 dictionaries everyday for the past 4 weeks.
I've finally got some definition in my arms.
It's tough to admit that I'm using too much weight on my bench press.
I'm having a hard time getting this off my chest.
Did you hear the rumor about the mentally unstable man who was frozen solid?
In a press conference he said “I am not 0K”
When my father dies he wants his ashes pressed into a record
Why did Karen press CTRL + Alt + Delete?
She wanted the Task Manager.
Why did Karen press CTRL + Alt + Delete?
She wanted the Task Manager.
I love pressing the F5 key.
Why did Karen press ctrl+alt+delete?
She wanted to talk to the task manager.
why is it a bad idea to iron your rabbits foot?
You shouldn't press your luck
Why did Karen press Shift-Control-Escape on her PC?
She wanted to see the Task Manager.
Why did Karen press Ctrl+Alt+Del
She wanted to see the task manager
Never iron your four leaf clover.
You don't want to press your luck.
Why did the Karen press ctrl+alt+del?
She wanted to see the task manager
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