...since the rules say not to post in all craps.
Hopefully this post is allowed. 5 or so years ago, I decided to post puns that I either came up with or enjoyed a lot. My goal was to make it easy to find puns based on a topic or subject. So I heavily tagged all of the entries with relevant information. I've consistently uploaded new puns on at least a weekly basis, but usually every 3 days.
I've amassed a large collection that I've decided to open source. I've dumped my database into a JSON file that is open and free to use (with proper attribution).
Let me know what you think!
https://punatorium.com/opun
I used to post puns and dad jokes on my companyβs intranet daily. About a year ago I stopped for one reason or another. Iβd like to start again, but I need something witty to start it off. Any ideas?
The funniest and shortest puns for kids, you always remember while teaching children puns, try to choose the short ones because they are easy for them to remember and register.
Puns for Kids
Why are teddy bears never hungry? They are always stuffed!
What do you get when you cross a snake and a pie? A pie-thon!
Where do polar bears vote? The North Poll.
What did the judge say when the skunk walked into the court room? Odor in the court!
Two silkworms had a race. They ended up in a tie.
Why are fish so smart? Because they live in schools.
The streets in the capital of Afghanistan are paved with Kabulstones.
How does a lion greet the other animals in the field? Pleased to eat you.
What do you get when a chicken lays an egg on top of a barn? An egg roll!
No matter how much you push the envelope, it will still be stationery.
Why did the turkey cross the road? To prove he wasnβt chicken!
What musical is about a train conductor? βMy Fare, Ladyβ.
A man drowned in a bowl of muesli. A strong currant pulled him in.
What do you get from a pampered cow? Spoiled milk.
What animals are on legal documents? Seals!
Why did the lion spit out the clown? Because he tasted funny!
Why did the bumble bee leave the house? It heard the school was having a spelling bee.
Being struck by lightning is really a shocking experience!
How do celebrities stay cool? They have many fans!
Why do fish live in salt water? Because pepper makes them sneeze!
Dockyard: A physicianβs garden.
What did the angry mother say to the boiling pot of spaghetti? Simmer down!
The lights were too bright at the Chinese restaurant so the manager decided to dim sum.
βWhatβs purple and 5000 miles long?β βOoh! I know! The Grape Wall of China!β
Every calendarβs days are numbered.
This duck walks into a bar and orders a beer. βFour bucks,β says the bartender. βPut it on my bill.β
I used to be twins. My mother has a picture of me when I was two.
What sound do porcupines make when they kiss? Ouch!
When does a well-dressed lion look like a weed? When heβs a dandelion (dandy lion).
Two peanuts walk into a bar, and one was a-salted.
A bicycle canβt stand on its own because it is
... keep reading on reddit β‘these are all real. Some are made by me, some are not (ones with an "*" are mine.).
/r/NoPuns is a sub where posting puns will get you a ban.
/r/NoNoPuns is a sub for people banned from /r/NoPuns.
/r/NoNoNoPuns is a sub for people who weren't. *
/r/NoNoNoNoPuns is a sub where puns are mandatory.
/r/NoNoNoNoNoPuns is a sub where requiring puns is banned. *
A good pun is like a good cake: it has many layers. Subreddits are the same.
To clarify, he is a soccer player Don't worry, he's still alive and kicking
Edit: I just wanted to thank everyone for the awards, and the upvotes
Sorry if anyone found this offensive β½οΈ
In hindsight, I should have reddit.
P.S. My first Oc.
Well toucan play at that game.
It's particularly frustrating because now my fence has fallen over.
Na, you guys wouldnβt understand it.
I am anti-vax and I donβt care what you think. I am absolutely sick and tired of seeing people that are anti-vax getting ridiculed and bullied on Reddit because of their choice.
You need to understand we have good reason to feel this way and that by simply attacking us or belittling us will not change our minds. We will not be silenced.
I for one will never have another one again. Not a chance in hell, I donβt care what you say to try and convince me, Iβve fallen for that trap too many times before.
They are absolutely the worst brand of vacuum cleaner ever.
Itβs Hoover or Dyson all the way for me!
But then I was like Na, people wouldnβt get it.
Itβs a classic 90s Christmas movie.
because you are 10/10
Blackmail.
so we went in a bar, had a few beer's it was fun.. it turns out he was a web designer
"Dad, my girlfriend is pregnant"
Son, I'm not mad.. Just disappointed
"Hi disappointed, I'm dad"
Son, did you just-
"Yes"
You're ready.
My wife and I just had our first yesterday. My son was less than 10 minutes old when the doctor was doing some post delivery stitching for my wife.
My wife said: "how many stitches is it going to be?"
Doc: "we're not actually counting stitches with this, it's a running stitch"
Without missing a beat, I said "is it going after the fridge?"
There was very brief pause of activity in the room, and then soft chuckles and head shakes. Someone muttered "that's a good one". I feel like I've been inaugurated.
Edit: to everyone confused by this, I'll explain
Back when landlines were the main way of calling people, and cellphones and caller ID was rare (or non-existent), making crank calls was a.... common past-time.
One of the common ones was went like this:
Victim: "hello?"
Pranker: "hi, is your fridge running?"
Victim: "yes, why?"
Pranker: "well then you better go catch it!"
And then you hang up. So the joke here is that because it was a "running stitch" it was running to catch the fridge.
<ba-dum tsss>
I'm getting really sick of all the NSFW jokes that have been hitting the front page lately. I know I'm not the only one who feels this either. IF YOU CAN'T TELL THE JOKE TO YOUR KID, IT'S NOT A DAD JOKE. dad jokes are clean, thats why they're dad jokes. If you have an NSFW joke, please refer to r/unclejokes. I'm sorry if I sound whiney, but dad jokes are dad jokes and uncle jokes are uncle jokes.
It went viral
Gotcha! Lol
Top urner
Of course he denied the charge first, but later I found him coiled up in his room. He's conducting himself better now, so I think that worked out. Well that's the current situation anyways, but there's definitely potential for greater resistance. Some days I just feel like I don't have the capacity for raising kids.
I posted maybe a month ago and wanted to give you all an update on how the wedding went!
My absolutely stunning bride walked down the isle to "The Throne Room" song from A New Hope where Princess Leia gives the medals to Han and Luke.
My vows were:
"You are the love of my life. Ever since you walked into my life about 2.5 years ago, you have made literally every part of my life better and more beautiful, you have filled my life with a lot of laughter and love. You have this amazing indefinable quality to you that makes you so amazing and the perfect woman for me. I love you with all of my heart.
Even when we are apart for only a few hours, we tell each other how much we miss each other. Well today, I misses you.
I vow that I will always be there for you, in sickness and in health, for richer or poorer, but letβs make it richer, we are the Richardsons
I vow that I will do my best to keep you laughing, smiling and happy for the rest of our lives.
I vow that I will never give you up, I will never let you down, I will never run around and desert you, never gonna make you cry, never gonna say goodbye, never gonna tell a lie and hurt you.
I vow I will love you with all of the love, for all of my days."
It was a beautiful evening, with lots of laughs, plenty of serious heartfelt moments and lots of happiness! My wife and I could not be happier and it was perfect! I hope you all had a good day, I sure did!
But thatβs comparing apples to oranges.
4 witnessed everything but was 2 squared to tell anyone
It just wasn't cut out for the job.
Water- Malone.
They're also pun-ishingly bad! You should be pun-alized for it!
Edit: >!I normally don't do this but let me explain the joke/post. Please notice the pun-chline below the title.!<
>!The idea behind this post was to make a pun out of the controversial topic of this sub and nothing else.!<
>!I'm the "devil's advocate" when it comes to both sides. I love both SFW and NSFW dad jokes. Also, there are many prude cultures in the world where parents don't use NSFW jokes with their kids even as an adult so it makes sense why they won't think an NSFW joke is not a dad joke. Reddit is not limited to western culture.!<
Edit 2: A lot of people have been sharing links in this post. Don't click them. They might be scammers.
Why do we put candles on top of the birthday cake? Because it's too hard to put them on the bottom.
Well, toucan play at that game.
