Walking around the mall with my daughter and we decided to go down a level. She expressed disappointment the elevator was broken,
I told her, " The escalator is just like an elevator but with extra steps."
π︎ 21
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︎ Mar 27 2021
Moldova named the biggest mall in its capital malldova
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︎ Jan 25 2021
What do you call a problem with the machinery at a mall?
π︎ 11
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︎ Feb 26 2021
Whatβs the difference between a mall and a parked car?
π︎ 74
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︎ Jan 12 2021
How do people lose their kids in the mall ?
Seriously, any tips would be greatly appreciated.
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π
︎ Feb 12 2021
Old shopping malls never dieβ¦
They just get de-mall-ished.
π︎ 6
π
︎ Jan 07 2021
What did the tree say when it ran into the mall?
Tina? Larry? Where is everybody?!? Oh my god, theyβre all gone!!! ... Oooh a sale!
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︎ Dec 28 2020
I once saw a woman punch a Mall Santa in the face.
But he did call her a "ho" like three times.
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︎ Nov 09 2020
Why did the city support the music hall being repurposed as a shopping mall?
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︎ Sep 22 2020
I tried to quell a disagreement between me and my girlfriend in the shopping mall. But by the time we got to the second level we were shouting at each other.
In retrospect we shouldnβt have been on that escalator.
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︎ Oct 30 2020
I work at the mall as Santa Claus during Christmas. I'm wearing the costume for most of the day, but sometimes my colleague takes my place while I take a break
I'm the main Claus and he's my subordinate Claus.
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π
︎ Oct 22 2020
I was going to buy my kid this winter coat we saw at the mall, but I couldn't afford it.
π︎ 5
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︎ Sep 25 2020
First child born in a couple of weeks so I thought to give it the good ol try. Sometimes when Iβm down I go to the mall and use the elevator.
So it can lift me up and make my day better.
I tried to OC.
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︎ Aug 01 2020
I went to an outdoor mall today and there was guy misting water at people as they walked by. My wife quickly avoided him.
Mister mister missed her.
π︎ 8
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︎ Aug 29 2020
I bad to punch the mall Santa in the face...
He called my daughter a 'ho'! 3 times!!!
π︎ 11
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︎ Aug 10 2020
What was the pianist doing at the mall?
π︎ 5
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︎ Feb 28 2020
Well I was doing speedy shopping, until I stopped and had hat to break to see this. Quality puns at the mall.
π︎ 8
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︎ Feb 23 2020
My balding grandfather told me that there was an adept wigmaker at the mall.
The wigmaker offered me a good deal that I was willing toupee for.
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︎ May 25 2020
Malled to death
π︎ 8
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︎ May 01 2020
Thereβs was a kidnapping in the mall yesterday!
He woke up.
(A true classic)
π︎ 6
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︎ Jul 10 2020
You know, if you have seen one collection of retail outlets under one roof, you have seen a mall.
π︎ 21
π
︎ Jan 10 2020
Do you know why the security guard is not the champion?
Because he is not the best of the mall
π︎ 7
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︎ Feb 11 2021
This bike stand outside my local mall
π︎ 1k
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︎ Dec 10 2018
There's a big space at the local mall where they're going to build a Starbucks. I suppose that space is now officially
π︎ 8
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︎ Mar 10 2020
So I know of this mall that uses animal employees...
I was walking along the food court when I saw this one animal that was incredibly overdressed compared to the others. While most where in their uniform, this one was in a red and gold robe, and was strangely being followed by a bunch of Buddhist monks.
I asked one of the customers if it was an Alpaca Packer.
They said no.
It's the Deli Llama.
π︎ 4
π
︎ Mar 23 2020
Why is "the mall" called "the mall?"
Because you don't just shop at one store, you shop at THEM-ALL
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︎ Sep 28 2018
A man's son entered a raffle to win the deed to an entire shopping plaza.
The son's ticket number wasn't the one picked to win. Despondently, the son told the results to his dad. In an effort to console him, his dad replied..."Well, sorry son, but you can't win the mall."
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︎ Jan 08 2021
I met Darth Vaderβs wife at the mall yesterday.
Nice gal, her nameβs Ella.
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︎ Oct 01 2019
My brother had an interview for a mall Santa in another town. His GPS led him astray and he missed it.
I think he was a lost Clause to begin with.
π︎ 4
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︎ Jan 04 2020
A teenager's car won't start out at the mall one night
He tries everything he knows to do, but finally calls his father for help.
Mom and Dad come up to mall parking lot, dad gets into the car, turns the key once, and the engine roars to life.
The teenager is shocked at how easy it was.
"Dad! What did you do differently? I tried everything!"
"It was easy son. I'm wearing my cargo shorts."
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π
︎ Apr 06 2019
Have you seen the mall?
No, but I've seen most of 'em.
(My father used this one every time we passed an enclosed shopping center. I wanted to die.)
π︎ 19
π
︎ Nov 07 2019
They said a killer was on the loose in the mall
I went to hide in the watch store to buy me some time
π︎ 51
π
︎ Sep 14 2019
I don't like how shopping centres are so similar..
You see one, you've seen a mall.
π︎ 8k
π
︎ Mar 11 2020
Where do the sith buy their stuff
π︎ 20
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︎ Nov 03 2020
My eye doctorβs office is at the shopping mall.
Sheβs an Opthemallogist
π︎ 4
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︎ Nov 02 2019
I just had a text conversation with my daughter...
She was sitting in the car at the mall while her mother shopped. I was sitting inside the mall but outside the shop waiting and wishing I was dead.
Daughter: How much longer, I have to pee.
Me: I have no idea. You'd better come inside, if you don't, urine trouble.
Daughter: You're an idiot.
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π
︎ Nov 17 2020
My daughters asked me when we were going to the upper level of the mall.
I told them we had choices. We could esca-now, or escalator.
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︎ May 14 2019
My 3 year old got scared of the mall Santa. I guess heβs claustrophobic like his old man
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︎ Nov 10 2019
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︎ Sep 14 2019
Walking through the mall with my 9 yr old and a kiosk saleswoman waves a sample of lotion and asks 'A gift for your daughter?'
I said 'No, thank you' and then looked down at my daughter and said 'Can you believe she thought I'd trade you away for just a tiny bit of lotion? I'd need a whole bottle, at least!'
She thought that was pretty funny.
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︎ Mar 11 2019
Far Cough
Had to visit a mall today. As I was standing on the escalator, someone coughed behind me. I turned around and noticed he was very near. We all know if you need to cough, you must cough far away. So I told him to FAR COUGH. And thatβs how the fight started
π︎ 8
π
︎ Nov 18 2020
Visiting Minnesota, family wanted to visit the Mall of America
βEhh, youβve been to one, youβve been to the mallβ
π︎ 4
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︎ Sep 29 2019
I heard someone stole a Shaggy CD from the mall
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︎ Aug 15 2019
What do you call it when you eat at a mall and you're satisfied by your meal?
π︎ 8
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︎ Jul 30 2019
Whoever called the loops in malls with restaurants "food courts" missed a huge opportunity. They ought to be cul-de-snacks.
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π
︎ Jun 29 2018
How do people lose their kids in a mall?
Seriously, any tips are welcome.
π︎ 6
π
︎ Sep 24 2020
How do people lose their kids in a mall?
Seriously, any tips are welcome.
π︎ 7k
π
︎ Jan 24 2018
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