Last Halloween a girl dressed as the grim reaper came to my door with messy hair and asked me politely to fix it.
That night, I had a brush with death.
How to politely tell your Greek friend Robert to be quite.
I was at a meeting, standing, when someone offered me a place to sit. I politely declined and said
"I don't accept charity."
A recruitment agency phoned me up. 'Can you tell me what your ideal position is?' asked the woman, very politely.
Apparently, 'legs up on the sofa' wasn't the answer she was looking for.
My political puns are tariffable.
Political pun: What does it look like when a government contractor flies the coop?
They should make a political organization for older people who've left the workforce.
Call it the retirement party
What is the most polite building in Italy?
The Leaning Tower of PLEASE-ah!
(Courtesy of my 7-year old daughter just a few minutes ago.)
Here’s my favourite politically incorrect joke of all time.
Benjamin Franklin was the greatest American President.
What do you call a knock-off lego rug with political views?
What are junk foods political beliefs?
The Trump White House is so polite these days.
Everyone there is saying “Pardon me” all the time now.
Did you hear that Lobsters have formed their own political movement?
They're fighting for a just claws.
My wife said I can’t take a joke.
So I asked for one politely.
Not to get all political in this sub, but...
Did you guys know that the guy who was recently pepper sprayed by Portland's mayor is a big dairy heir?
I asked my wife to describe me in 5 words. She said I'm mature, I'm moral, I'm pure, I'm polite and I'm perfect! Then she added that I also...
...had a fundamental lack of understanding about apostrophes and spaces...
My chiropractor started talking politics today
He was trying to see which way I was leaning
What’s the difference between politicians and flying pigs?
I’m voting for the Rock for president..
I'm worried that the supreme court will lack empathy now that Ginsburg is gone.
Without her they're ruthless.
My girlfriend said she'll leave me if I don't support Trump.
If Sephiroth from Final Fantasy VII was involved with politics, he’d be a republican.
Politics is the most accurate word in the English language
Poly = many.
Ticks = blood sucking parasites.
Credit to @comicsbyandy for this political cartoon that also has a pun
https://preview.redd.it/juu01g2we3s51.png?width=680&format=png&auto=webp&s=363c4e4cc3b0dd44ac8193dcdb74ee01bc854813
Since his political career is almost over the US vice president is starting his own soda company.
It's called Pence-a-cola.
The political climate is so polarizing these days that even Do, Re and Mi decided to form their own independent left leaning musical scale and vote Democratic.
When questioned they just stated they were now Anti Fa.
Which is the most polite food in the world?
I usually stay out of politics, but - and this is a big but - ...
>!https://imgur.com/xDwJi0C!<
I don’t like discussing North and South in polite company.
I find those topics to be quite polarizing.
What's the new hip political ideology?
What kind of self-defense does a Jewish Trump supporter practice?
My wife threatened to divorce me when I said I was going to give our daughter a silly name...
I got a warning message from a mod saying “my jokes are bringing to much religion and politics into this sub”
I replied saying “let the people in this sub decide, for christ sake”
Have you guys checked the news today?
What do you call a midget magician that escaped from prison?
What Sith Lord immobilizes his victims instead of killing them?
Darth Ritis.
Edit: The Sith Lord of politeness, Darth anksalot.
Among all the politically incorrect jokes I know, here’s my favourite:
Benjamin Franklin was the greatest US President.
Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.
