Apparently every police department has a food division

However, they only take cases involving a salt and buttery.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/kriskidd21
πŸ“…︎ Oct 14 2020
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The police department made all homicide detectives stay under quarantine for two weeks.

>!They had coroner-virus.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/RealTheAsh
πŸ“…︎ Mar 13 2020
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My cousin got a job at the police department sketching pictures of suspects.

Apparently he’s a con artist.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/labink
πŸ“…︎ Jul 13 2019
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Why does the Gotham Police Department refuse to eat another Greek sandwich?

Because it's the gyro Gotham deserves, but not the one it needs right now.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ThanHowWhy
πŸ“…︎ Nov 15 2016
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What do you call two police departments working together to take down a marijuana distributor?

A joint operation.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Replies_To_All
πŸ“…︎ Apr 25 2018
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I figured out what font my local police department uses!

Sans Sheriff

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πŸ‘€︎ u/zazathebassist
πŸ“…︎ Jun 13 2016
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Got a co-worker with this one as he was heading home after a 24hr shift.

I work in the investigations section of a military police department, and aside from our normal office hours, we have 24hr shifts that cycle through the office, so that there's an investigator present and on-duty 24/7/365.

My co-worker was wrapping up some paperwork this morning, and coming off of his 24 hr shift, and almost dead to the world. At the time, a pair of other investigators in my office were discussing some case that had happened a day or two prior that involved an emancipated juvenile.

I was just logging into my workstation to check my e-mail and I turned to my co-worker and asked, "Hey, so when a juvenile gets emancipated, and he announces it - proclaims it, if you will - what would they call that?"

He stares at me with a blank, uncomprehending expression and I continue, "An emancipation...proclamation? Maybe?"

The annoyed groans of someone who's been up for 24 hours are so satisfying.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Droidball
πŸ“…︎ Jul 08 2015
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Teacher Told Us a Dad joke in Class Today

Tired of being broke and stuck in an unhappy marriage, a young husband decided to solve both problems by taking out a large insurance policy on his wife and arranging to have her killed.

A "friend of a friend" put him in touch with a nefarious underworld figure, who went by the name of "Artie." Artie explained to the husband that his going price for snuffing out a spouse was $5,000. The husband said he was willing to pay that amount, but that he wouldn't have any cash on hand until he could collect his wife's insurance money.

Artie insisted on being paid in part up front. The man opened up his wallet and displayed the single dollar bill that rested inside. Artie sighed, rolled his eyes, and reluctantly agreed to accept the dollar as down payment for the dirty deed.

A few days later, Artie followed the man's wife to the local Wall-mart grocery store. There, he surprised her in the produce department and proceeded to strangle her with his gloved hands. As the poor unsuspecting woman drew her last breath and slumped to the floor, the manager of the produce department stumbled unexpectedly onto the scene. Unwilling to leave any witnesses behind, Artie had no choice but to strangle the produce manager as well.

Unknown to Artie, the entire proceeding were captured by hidden cameras and observed by the store's security guard, who immediately called the police. Artie was caught and arrested before he could leave the store.

Under intense questioning at the police station, Artie revealed the sordid plan, including his financial arrangements with the hapless husband.

And that is why, the next day in the newspaper, the headline declared: "Artie chokes two for a dollar at Wall-mart."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ThisisCarl
πŸ“…︎ Oct 03 2013
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You working for Easter?

At the dinner table with parents and rest of family, My mom to my uncle: "hey do you work for easter?"

My dad : "uhm no, he works for the police department."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/c-lozzz
πŸ“…︎ Mar 09 2014
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My father just posted this on Facebook.

MURDER AT COSTCO STORE

Tired of constantly being broke and stuck in an unhappy marriage, a young husband decided to solve both problems by taking out a large insurance policy on his wife with himself as the beneficiary and then arranging to have her killed.

A 'friend of a friend' put him in touch with a nefarious dark-side underworld figure who went by the name of 'Artie.' Artie explained to the husband that his going price for snuffing out a spouse was $10,000.

The Husband said he was willing to pay that amount but that he wouldn't have any cash on hand until he could collect his wife's insurance money. Artie insisted on being paid at least something up front, so the man opened his wallet, displaying the single dollar that rested inside. Artie sighed, rolled his eyes and reluctantly agreed to accept the dollar as down payment for the dirty deed.

A few days later, Artie followed the man's wife to the local Costco supermarket. There, he surprised her in the produce department and proceeded to strangle her with his gloved hands. As the poor unsuspecting woman drew her last breath and slumped to the floor, the manager of the produce department stumbled unexpectedly onto the murder scene. Unwilling to leave any living witnesses behind, Artie had no choice but to strangle the produce manager as well.

However, unknown to Artie, the entire proceedings were captured by the hidden security cameras and observed by the shop's security guard, who immediately called the police. Artie was caught and arrested before he could even leave the premises.

Under intense questioning at the police station, Artie revealed the whole sordid plan, including his unusual financial arrangements with the hapless husband who was also quickly arrested.

The next day in the newspaper, the headline declared...

(You're going to hate me for this.........)

'ARTIE CHOKES 2 for $1.00 Costco

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πŸ‘€︎ u/fluffyxsama
πŸ“…︎ Feb 19 2014
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