Poisonous Puns

Mum says no baby.

The baby grass snake says, Thank god for that ive just bitten my toungue.

Venomoose.

I said, "No, that snake's not poisonous at all."

So the boy picks up the snake which bites him, and the boy starts to spasm and foam at the mouth as the other kids look on in horror.

I continued, "But that snake is venomous. Poison is ingested or absorbed, while venom is injected. Let's get it right next time, boys."

Or you will sulfer the consequences.

Not enough legroom.

It goes “if drinking don’t kill me, her mammaries will”.

Poisons I, II, and III would all kill you with varying degrees of pain.

However, Poison IV would just make you really itchy.

He doesn’t like to make rash decisions.

Because the real killer is usually cyan-eyed.

Gonna call it Poi, Son.

while I ate some bad salmon and got chickenella.

They called it poison IV

She was, however, terrible at cultivating evil pluots.

But it's a morel.

A pool table.

Somehow he found out and killed my dad!

I’ve caught you bread handed

Sam and Ella.

... I guess you could call her a Hurl Scout.

He needed an itch to cook from scratch.

Guess it was his thyme to go.

That was a rash decision.

He has hives.

Baby shart, do do do do

Mommy shart, do do do do

Daddy shart, do do do do...

Not much

That's what trying to consume old Derry products will do to you.

If you give a man a poisoned fish, you feed him for his lifetime.

He was in the living room.

Can't remember its name, but it just was on the tip of my tongue.

I just didn't wanna sue Flay.

Poison IV.

They get dire yee-haw.

Source: I have food poisoning and am dying. The dehydration has led my mind to some cowboy related place I guess. Also dire hee-haw works better but I don't know anything about what cowboys say.

It was the wurst.

When he realized his mistake, he immediately called the police and confessed to all of the killings before laying down upon his death bed awaiting his own end, the same end that he had inflicted upon so many others. News media quickly came to the hospital and the killer was eventually asked two questions by two seperate reporters, one question following the other so quickly that he could not respond to the first before hearing the second. The first reporter asked, "How did the coffee taste that tipped you off into realizing you had poisoned yourself?" Where the second reporter blurted out, "How would you describe this situation where you have killed yourself by the very means you used to kill others?"

The murderous man only responded once before breathing his last breath:

"Irony," he replied.

As if it wasn't obvious enough...

They're two toad-ally different things!

Question: Why don't radioactive animals talk?

Answer: Because they're mute-ated!

Except the kids. They were in the living room.

...he was having the wurst week.

Hello Boys and Girls.

She asked if he Putin yet.

It was chair noble.

Foreign sick science.

man have I made a rash decision

That was a rash decision.

It was literally the wurst.