Can anybody give me some advice to help me removing ice from my windshield? I just tried with a discount card I had In my pocket
I accidentally left some AA batteries in my pocket when I put them in the wash
That's what I call clean energy
“Back in the day...” my dad started to say. “You could walk into a grocery store with $2 in your pocket and walk out with a loaf of bread, a dozen eggs and a bit of butter as well. But today...” he lamented...
“Wherever you go, there are those darn cameras!"
I invented a portable pocket toilet
I dumped everything I had into it
Wouldn't that be a pocket pocket dimension?
Why should you keep at least a buck in your back pocket when you go gambling?
So you can bet your bottom dollar
A nurse looks in her pocket, and finds a rectal thermometer.
She says, in exasperation, “some arsehole’s got my pen.”
Why don't elephants have pockets?
Because they can store everything their trunk
Its important to keep some candy in your pocket at all times.
A friend of mine once found a hundred dollar bill in his pocket after doing laundry..
i became too afraid he might have gotten himself into the money laundering business.
When I was young, I once asked my dad for a pocket calculator, but he said no.
He said, “Who cares how many pockets you have?”
A man with a hole in his pocket...
Police have been trying to catch a person stealing people's coins out of their pockets
My brother always has hard candy inside a pocket of his 3-piece suit
He calls them “in vest mints”.
There's a type of mushroom I bring everywhere, to dinner parties, bball games, work, they easily fit in my pocket
They're called portablebellos.
Teacher - 'Johnny, if you had £10 in one pocket and £5 in your other pocket, what would you have?'
Johnny - 'Someone else's trousers on Miss.'
My wife just picked up her lighter and put it in her pocket...
...then looked at me and said "I'm packing heat"
What's the difference between a pick pocket and a peeping tom?
The dirtiest clean joke I know...
What's the difference between a pick pocket and a peeping tom?
A pick pocket snatches watches.
Credit to Redd Foxx
What do you call a brassiere with pockets?
I left some change in my pants pocket
And now my wife is getting accused of laundering money
I heard Peter Dinklage got his pocket picked last week.
I mean, who would stoop so low?
I’m an ER nurse and I just found a rectal thermometer in my pocket.
Some asshole’s got my pen!
At my funeral check my pockets.
I might still have your lighter.
A tennis player is walking off the court and a guys asks him “What’s that in your pocket?” The player replies “tennis balls” . . .
The guy says “Well if it’s anything like tennis elbow, it must be painful!!”
I forgot that I had stashed a small rounded bread from dinner in my back pocket when I sat down at the roulette table... I immediately started winning!
Is that a sushi roll in your pocket?
Or are you just happy sashimi?
Today I went to a college visit, and in order to speed up the line for food I just grabbed some butter for my bagel and put it in my pocket
My sister said, oh no, it almost fell out! You butter watch it! ;D
I’m so proud of her, I’ve raised her well
I’ve kept the same mints in my pocket for as long as I can remember.
What do you call a fat jolly man with no pocket change?
Dad and I were building a storage shed. His pocket starts to beep until I got annoyed. I said “Dad, what is that beeping? Turn it off!”
He pulls out a handheld plastic device and says “Sorry kiddo, I left my Stud Finder on.”
Why do I carry a piece of bark around in my pocket?
It's just part of my shtick
I don't know why people carry pocket calculators
I can tell how many pockets I have without one.
My friend asked me if I had macaroni in my pocket
I replied “It’s pastable”
Son to Dad: I desperately need some pocket protectors
Dad to Son: Yeah, you and Russell Wilson both
Whenever I see a mime performing on the street, I always make sure I put my hand in my pocket and throw in some invisible money.
Always empty your pockets before washing your clothes...
I hear money laundering is serious business
Why did the 8-ball go into the corner pocket?
It took its cue from the white ball.
I've been putting soap in my son's pockets for weeks, today he finally asked me why..
I replied, "Sorry son, I must have pocket-dialed you by mistake.."
What did the nurse say when she found a rectal thermometer in her pocket?
“Some asshole has my pen.”
I asked my dad if he could buy me a pocket calculator.
He said, “Why? You don’t know how many pockets you have?”
“Back in the day...” my grandfather started to say. “You could walk into a grocery store with $2 in your pocket and walk out with a loaf of bread, a dozen eggs and a bit of butter as well.”
“But today...” he continued. “Wherever you go, there are cameras...”
You should always keep candy in your pocket
A nurse finds a rectal thermometer in her pocket and thinks
"Some asshole has my pen"
Why did the doctor pull a rectal thermometer out of their pocket?
Some asshole has their pen.
Is that a califorina roll in your pocket?
Or are you just happy sashimi
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