A blonde goes into a church and asks the minister, "How much does it cost to rent a church singing group?"He said,"Do you mean a choir?"
She said "Fine... How much does it cost to acquire a church singing group?"
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︎ Dec 05 2020
Under appreciated dad phases of the day:
Children spinning or running or circles or anything in that nature
Dad - Wow, you are making ME dizzy
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︎ Nov 05 2020
My 3yo is in a phase where he makes up words a lot, and today I heard him singing "Crotch-ohs, crotch-ohs" over and over. I told my wife, "That sounds like the worst breakfast cereal ever..."
"But at least it's made with whole groins."
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︎ Oct 12 2020
Every month, I get a phase in which I make a lot of jokes about the +7 OS of iodine.
I make periodic periodic jokes.
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︎ Apr 04 2020
The wife looked concerned when my son showed an interest in electricals at the age of 5.
He asked about the neutral wire.
I said "don't worry, its just a phase."
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︎ Dec 22 2020
We should call this new phase of society 'Solitudarity.'
π︎ 5
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︎ Mar 22 2020
I watched a Cyberpunk 2077 gameplay video and there were lots of bugs in it.
There was a bug where an NPC in the game just phases through a door like thereβs nothing right there.
Guess thatβs what you get when watching a walkthrough gameplay video.
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︎ Dec 11 2020
My son identifies as a crescent moon. Iβm worried, but my wife says itβs just a phase.
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︎ Jun 23 2018
Did you hear about the phase where people drove around wingless airplanes? Probably not, it never took off.
Credit goes to my co worker, who made me cringe very much so.
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︎ Aug 26 2019
When you speak two languages, you hit the phase that you slightly forget both languages.
π︎ 10
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︎ Sep 15 2019
Press F
π︎ 3k
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︎ Nov 27 2019
What did Tesla's wife say about his new electric current
"he's going through a phase"
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︎ Sep 28 2020
My favorite phase of the moon is croissant moon
π︎ 7
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︎ Mar 11 2019
Somebody told me 'they' are phasing out Roman numerals.
π︎ 6
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︎ Jul 24 2019
I was told I often get sayings wrong, but it didn't phase me.
I didn't even batter an eyelid.
π︎ 7
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︎ Jun 13 2019
I went through an emotional phase in my 40s.
π︎ 3
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︎ Jul 01 2019
How does the moon cut its hair?
π︎ 8
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︎ Sep 09 2020
When I was younger, I was obsessed with the difference between sine and cosine.
As I got older, I realized it was just a phase.
π︎ 36
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︎ Jul 01 2020
π︎ 5
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︎ Oct 18 2016
I was an electrician once
π︎ 10
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︎ Feb 12 2020
I used to be really into the full Moon
Turns out it was just a phase
π︎ 9
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︎ Apr 06 2020
people are trying to phase out Roman numerals
I don't know why, they're grVIII
π︎ 4
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︎ Sep 29 2014
Whenever I find a difficult level on a game I give up and go search for a walkthrough in order to clear it.
I really should get past this phase.
π︎ 12
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︎ Feb 19 2020
What do you call a snake that's 3.14 meters long?
π︎ 2k
π
︎ Mar 14 2017
The rotation of the Earth really makes my day.
π︎ 407
π
︎ Jul 28 2018
As a child, I was obsessed with the difference between sines and cosines.
As an adult, I realized it was just a phase.
π︎ 177
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︎ May 04 2018
Solid Argument
π︎ 18
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︎ Nov 28 2018
Libya changed its plain green flag to a crescent moon, but I think they'll change it back.
It's only a phase, after all.
π︎ 9
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︎ Oct 02 2019
If FLASH ever makes mistakes...
He has to phase the consequences... Or just travel back in time to correct the past...
π︎ 5
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︎ Feb 08 2019
What did the moon say to it's emo kid?
π︎ 8
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︎ Jul 21 2019
Every full moon, my son goes outside and stares up at it for hours on end.
I know it's just a phase.
π︎ 11
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︎ Jan 14 2018
The moon keeps waxing his crescent...
...but it's just a phase.
π︎ 6
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︎ Apr 20 2019
Timmy got sent home from school today, he mooned his class again.
Donβt worry honey heβs just going through a phase.
π︎ 8
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︎ Dec 22 2018
90s Eurodance group Technotronic recently bought a factory that manufactures all types of fruit preserves
However, there was an issue with getting the preserves into the packaging phase as the manufacturing plant was downstairs and the bottling machinery was upstairs.
After carefully reviewing the process, the group settled on a solution.
They decided to Pump Up The Jam.
π︎ 10
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︎ Aug 01 2018
I challenged, I failed. Dad triumphs.
My friend asked this on her wall on facebook.
Anyone else suffering from electricity shortage?
Dad: Nope. That would be shocking! Or revolting.
Me: Ohmm...These puns are so ampty..needs to be more electrifying
Dad: OP, Watt??
Dad: The puns are the current thing.
Me: I hope nobody breaks the circuit of these puns.
Dad: Wire you worried about that? They'll just socket to ya!
Me: This is such a Polarity moment. Say Cheese, Brofs SPARK
Dad: Don't be negative. Try alternating. It's not terminal.
Me: You have bested me, You win. #dadjokes too good
The Dad is strong, too strong.
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︎ Apr 30 2014
Why are horny teenage weaboos always so grumpy?
They are simply tired because they can't get a good night's sleep.
Their Rem phase is unhealthy for them.
π︎ 4
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︎ Oct 17 2017
I'm creating a new curry recipe from scratch
It's still in the experi-lentlil phase
π︎ 4
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︎ Aug 17 2018
As a kid I wanted to be an electrician.
My parents said it was just a phase.
π︎ 9
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︎ Jul 19 2017
Unexpected dad joke at work
It's been really cold in my neck of the world lately. Today a coworker came into the office and said, "I'm freezing."
My other coworker replies, "You're just going through a phase."
I'm not entirely sure it's a dad joke (it wasn't "Hi freezing, I'm [name]"), and maybe it's only hilarious to us because we're chemists, but I thought this subreddit might enjoy this.
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︎ Dec 12 2013
I laughed while my daughter cried today
Context: Today was helping at practice for a play that my 4th grade daughters class is going to put on. My daughter (Sarah) was playing a tree, and another girl (Mikayla) was playing a Deer. Right now they're all into this weird "dating" phase. So Sarah ran over to me sobbing...
Sarah: Dad, Mikayla kissed my boyfriend. She is already dating Scott and Michael kissed her just now!
Me: Hoe dear, that sounds like a really sticky situation you're in.
I then proceeded to start laughing while failing to control it while my daughter started bawling. The other adults looked at me like I was a demon, and I had to leave the room for a minute to control myself.
Edit: Also I later realized that my daughter doesn't understand what a hoe is and thought I was just laughing at her. Don't worry, I have apologized and bought her ice cream.
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︎ Mar 04 2015
Put Some Clothes On!
Wife: βPut some clothes on! Are you going through a phase?!β
Me: βWell, I was at first, but now itβs just on and off.β
π︎ 2
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︎ Jun 04 2018
How does the moon cut his hair.
π︎ 437
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︎ Oct 11 2018
When I was in high school, I was obsessed with the difference between sine and cosine.
Now I realize it was just a phase.
π︎ 17
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︎ Oct 23 2019
My son identifies as a crescent moon.
Iβm worried, but my wife says itβs just a phase.
π︎ 31
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︎ Dec 13 2019
When my kids were young, they were obsessed with the difference between sine and cosineβ¦
As they got older, I realized it was just a phaseβ¦
π︎ 2k
π
︎ Jul 16 2017
As a child, I was obsessed with the difference between sine and cosine.
When I got older, I realized it was just a phase.
π︎ 24
π
︎ Dec 15 2018
When I was younger, I was obsessed with the difference between sines and cosines.
Turns outβ-it was just a phase.
π︎ 22
π
︎ Jan 17 2019
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