Penises Puns

His condoms fitted him like a glove.

I asked him how his pants felt and he said "Like a glove!"

Sir Cumcision

A dictatorship

Librarian said 'I don't think it's in yet'

I said 'that's the one'

"Five penises!!" he said "How do your trousers fit"

"Like a glove" I said

A graphic designer.

They'd be uncles if they did!

Because then they'd be a Foot

https://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/tuppence

http://www.cnn.com/2016/07/14/politics/donald-trump-vice-presidential-choice/

They are both quality control managers and are instructed to check on the product before leaving.

They go below deck and open on of the boxes, and inside are hundreds of potatoes. One of them picks one up and notices that it’s a very odd shape for a potato. He picks up another and is also perplexed by its peculiarity.

He picks up a third and realizes that they are all shaped like penises. He says to his friend “I don’t think we can work on this ship with all these penis potatoes.”

So they go up to the captains quarters to quit. When they arrive they say “Captain, we cant work on this ship. We would like to get off.”

He looks them in the eye and says, “I’m sorry gentlemen. This isn’t a democracy. It’s a dictatorship.”

—

Originally read on r/jokes , but reworded for brevity.

I was working a pre-assessment with an older guy before his exam and while I was checking his vision he stops and says;

“I was at the eye doctor the other day and I told the doc, ‘hey man, why is it that everywhere I look, all I see is penises?’ The doctor told me, ‘well, that’s because you’re cock-eyed.’”

I stopped what I was doing and laughed pretty hard, pretty loud, and shook the guys hand and told him he was hired.

Talking about Zaphod Beeblebrox and his three arms and my dad proceeds to say "I knew a guy with 5 penises once, his pants fit him like a glove!"

My mother has given birth to 5 boys, no girls, of which I am the oldest. Sitting at dinner after two of my younger brothers duked out, my mother begins...

"There are too many penises in this house!"

Dad replied, "Oh, you're just jealous."

"No, I'm not. I much prefer my boobs."

"Sounds like you're in denial."

I chimed in, "Don't you mean penile?"

I was rewarded with a hearty chuckle from my father and a roll of the eyes from my mother. The signs of a good days work.

"Like a glove."

Doctor: How does it fit in your pants?

Man: Like a glove.

His pants fit like a glove

Did you hear about the man with 5 penises? His underwear fits like a glove.

His pants fit him like a glove!

Man tells doctor not to be alarmed but he has 5 penises.

Doctor says “wow! How do your pants fit?”

Man: “Like a glove”

Did you hear about the man with five penises? His pants fit like a glove