I keep telling my wife to stop buying peeling masks
My arborist friend was helping a tree that was peeling
But it turns out he was barking up the wrong tree
*while peeling a banana* One skin, Two skin, Three skin.........
My girlfriend asked me if I was peeling sweet potatoes for Thanksgiving dinner.
My Dad was peeling fruit and he thought this was funny...
I'm an art major and my Dad looks at me and says
"Hey, what was vincents favorite fruit?"
I said "
what Dad?"
"Mango."
Fuck you.
Wife told me my forehead had peeling skin
My wife sits on my lap, looks at my face for a few seconds, then picks at my forehead and tells me I'm peeling.
wife: You're peeling.
me: a?
w: what? your forehead is peeling.
m: a?
w: 'a' what?
m: a?
w: huh?
m: just one spot?
w: well just one spot, but several flakes
m: so just one spot?
w: yeah
m: so, a?
w: ...
m: a?
w: what are you trying to tell me?
m: you find me appealing?
Wife gets up
My friends dad after peeling a bag of potatos
Holds up the shavings to us and in his thick New York accent says "disapealing to you?"
Dad is peeling potatos for Christmas Eve dinner..
..and none of the newer peelers are working for him, so he grabs the peeler he's had for years.
Dad: None of these peelers work as well as this one. There's a reason I buy and keep things like these.
Me: So you would say that one is most appealing to you?
Peeling an Orange
I recently broke my hand, and I was peeling an orange with a thumb-peeler on the broken hand. My mom asked, "Doesn't that hurt?" Then my dad chimed in with, "That depends. Are you talking to him or the orange?"
Mother was not pleased.
My wife is pissed at me. I made hard boiled eggs for breakfast this morning and let our 2 year old help peel them and he made a mess
I have been walking on eggshells ever since.
I feel strong peel pressure when all my friends start eating bananas.
My coworker asked me to judge their tan...
I gave it a tan out of tan.
I knew what apple juice tasted like before I even tried it.
I had in-cider information.
My friend walked upstairs, stepped on a banana peel, and fell on his bed
I don’t really like rotten bananas...
They’re not very a-peeling.
How many birds can use their huge beak to peel fruit?
Think this guy is gonna....peel out?
I caught my son rubbing banana peels all over him. At first, I was worried. Then I realized it.
He was going to be all ripe.
Two bananas are sitting at a drag strip
When the light drops the first banana split, the other peeled out.
Why did the banana always stare at his reflection?
Because he thought he was very apPEELing
Do you like potatoes?
Because I find them very a-peeling.
Why are Bananas so Popular?
Because they have a Peel for Everyone!
Why did the banana go to the doctor's.
It wasn't peeling to well.
Two bananas married without realising they were from the same tree.
They really split over it. It was a really slippery ordeal and peeled them apart.
Hey kids, do you know why did the banana go to the hospital?
He was peeling really bad! Hahaha!!
What do you call a shoe made of a banana?
When will you know if a banana is sick?
When its not peeling well... (cringe moment)
Why did the banana cross the road?
Because it wasn’t peeling well
What do you call a pair of banana peels on the floor?
ROFL with peels of laughter
Why should you be a banana for Halloween?
Because you know your costume has a-peel!
I learnt about the symptoms of sever athletes foot
Today my wife caught me redhanded in the kitchen
I beat my rivals by inventing the world's first book made from onion skin.
Did you hear about the guy who ate bananas whole?
This guy will probably peel out when he leafs today
Why should you never tell banana jokes?
Jordan Peele just won an Oscar?
Someone at work eats a bannana with the peel.
I just don't find it that a-peeling.
Me: "Son, I'm sorry to have to tell you this but your grandma slipped and fell on a banana peel. She's pretty banged up"
She got a banana Nana boo boo.
Want to hear a joke about bananas?
I'm a relatively new dad. My 2 year old daughter was eating a banana in the car. From the back seat, she started to hand me sections of the banana peel when I blurted this out:
"Don't do that, you'll hurt his peelings!"
Why did the banana go too the doctor
He wasn't PEELING very well
Why did the banana got to the doctor?
He wasn’t peeling well....
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