TIL about Peaches
They come from a can,
And they were put there by a man
In a factory, downtown
How many peaches are in these two cans?
Depends on how much those toucans eat
Once there was a man who owned an orchard. He grew lots of things. Apples, pears, cherries, peaches, oranges and lemons.
The stonefruit was almost ready for harvest when he was hit with a bout of laryngitis that left him unable to talk.
Despite the doctors orders for bed rest, he went into the orchard early one morning to find all of his mature peach trees had been stolen.
He was peachless."
My 11 year old and I were at a grocery store. I got one of those flimsy bags to put peaches in. The bag ripped, my daughter laughed. I looked at her said oh no, I had a Bagcident. She stopped laughing.
Why is it a good idea to have peaches make your shoes?
They make great cobblers.
What happens when you tape two peaches together?
They are pitted against one another.
How do you get two peaches to fight?
By pitting them against one another.
Did you hear the dadjoke about the peaches?
Nectarines are peaches without fuzz. Alopecia is hair loss. So...
Are Nectarines Alo-peaches?
Do you know why peaches are so mean?
They all have hearts of stone.
I can't stand the insides of peaches.
What do you call a Peach and Turkey Pie?
How does mario break up with peach
It’s not you, it’s a me mario
Peach soccer or peach volley?
In Cuba, blueberry pie costs $5. In the Bahamas, apple pie costs $6. In Haiti, peach pie costs $4.
These are the pie-rates of the Caribbean.
Twitter has gone too far! Now they're banning Mario for threatening the President.
Evidently he found out that Trump was in Peach twice.
I don't get why everyone wants Trump to be a peach...
When he would look perfectly natural dressed as an orange.
What is big, orange, and ends with peach?
James and the Giant Peach
What do you call a pretty girl from Georgia with a limp?
A peach hobbler.
(One of my kids favorites).
I threw a fuzzy peach at his head and he said "that's not assault that's a sugar"
Breaking news: president Trump has been in-peached
Americans love frozen fruit so much, they wrote it into the constitution...
The 1st amendment is the right to freeze peach.
Wandering the fruit aisle, looking for Peach.
What did Mario say when he broke up with princess peach?
What kind of chair does Princess Peach like to sit on?
What did Princess Peach say to Toad?
Got my wife with a peach today
Text from her saying "I got to work and realised I forgot my nectarine"
Me: "What a fruitless endeavour"
In school my teacher was a peach.
She had a heart if stone.
What did the annoyed peach say to the mango?
Mario is highly upset
He heard Trump has been in Peach.
I don’t eat cantaloupe
I prefer to eat fruit that have positive attitudes.
*random citizen to Donald Trump* : Hey you're orange!
Donald : Wrong!
Donald : Im peach
I asked my dad how he whittles a monkey out of a peach pit.
He responded, "You just have to whittle away everything that doesn't look like a monkey"
What did Mario say when he broke up with Peach?
It's not you, it's a me Mario
What did Mario say to Peach when they broke up?
“It’s not you, its-a-me Mario”
What did Mario say to peach when they broke up?
It's not a you, it's a me-a-mario!
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