I bought a package of trail mix and it only had cashews, almonds, and pistachios.
Why did the almond close the blinds?
Because her neighbour was always pecan.
I thought about going on an all almond diet
But that would be just nuts
Mashed up dates, chocolate chips, peanut butter, granola, almonds....delicious homemade granola bars
My uncle drink dialed me the other night and told me he was going on an exclusively almond diet.
I said, "That's just nuts."
I love almond milk.
It’s unlike any udder milk.
Semi drivers who haul almonds
If almonds are $1, peanuts $.50, and pistachios $1.50, how much are deer nuts?
Why did the almonds cross the busy road?
Apparently there was an almond charged with aggravated assault.
I get the police do a lot of good, but I don’t know how I feel about them busting a nut in public.
Have you ever seen how they milk an almond?
Crying over spilt almond milk
Dad: Don’t cry over spilt almond milk son
Son: Why? (Sobbing)
Dad: Because that’s just nuts!
It was annoying when our local shop stopped stocking my favourite almond milk. It was even more frustrating when the tofu was removed as well.
If it carries on like this, I’m really going to start losing my Tempeh
Did you hear about the visual artist who works with almonds?
Almond milk
So my girlfriend and I are visiting her parents this weekend.
At breakfast her dad asks if we'd like almond milk with our coffee and we say yes.
He comes back and plops a gallon of 2% in front of us with this huge grin on his face, makes the sign of the cross in the air and goes "ah-mend"
There is so much this man can teach me.
I bet they called it almond milk because
nobody can say "nut juice" with a straight face
My wife told me her new diet meant she could only eat foods made from almonds. Almond meal, almond milk, almond... everything.
When I heard this, I said, "but that's just nuts".
When I asked my dad if he thought it was a good idea to switch my diet to one consisting mainly of almonds, cashews and macadamias...
He just shrugged and said, it’s ok, go nuts
I remember my first girlfriend. She was an almond delivery girl. Sadly, it didn't work out.
My favorite brand of almonds is offering a free tank of gasoline with every purchase
Blue Diamond Fill-Ups have been a big hit
A friend of mine confessed that he is sexually attracted to almond trees.
I said, “Are you f*cking nuts?”
An almond doesn’t lactate: The FDA hasn’t been enforcing its own policy or putting the squeeze on product makers—and that it’s time to get abreast of the labeling language.
arstechnica.com/tech-poli…
For Halloween, we dressed up as almonds. Everyone thought we were nuts.
A pile of almonds is an almound...
until it's all of them, then it's the Allmond.
I returned the ground almonds I bought.
They tasted nothing like dirt.
My Dad wants him and I to start an Allman Brothers tribute band called the Almond Brothers.
"We'll be like the Allman Brothers, but we're nuts!"
Did you hear the conspiracy about almonds secretly controlling the world?
They're called the illuminutty.
Making a salad with toasted almonds
Mom: "We'd better toast the almonds now."
Dad: *raises imaginary glass* "Here's to the almonds!"
Have you ever thought about substituting almonds for deernuts?
They are much cheaper. Always under a buck.
The latest Hollywood health craze is to regularly drink a mixture of almond milk and milk of magnesia.
It's called a Blue Diamond Phillips.
What did Yankee Doodle have to say about the Italian almond cake he tried?
He called it "macaroon-y"
I thought about going on an all-almond diet
I was about to go on an all-almond diet
I thought about going on an all-almond diet….
I thought about going on an all Almond diet
I went nuts when someone asked me what cashews and almonds were.
I was thinking of going on an all almond diet.
Why do the call it almond milk?
Nobody can say "nut juice" with a straight face
My niece can eat all nuts but almonds.
She can only eat mostmonds.
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