Pasteurism Puns

She said, "No, just up to my breasts."

They run it past your eyes

Milk. It's pasteurized before you see it.

'No, just up to your neck'

He was a scholar of bayou chemistry.

She said no, just above the knees.

Our milk lasts the rest of this decade!

Nothing, it's pasteurize.

It's pasteurized before you can even see it.

Because it's always pasteurize

I am so, so sorry

Because they lacktoes

Nothing gets pasteurize.

Dad: Hey, do you think that pool water is pasteurized?

Me: Why would they pasteurize the pool water?

Dad: If you scoop some up in in your hands and splash it on your face then it would be past your eyes!

I work in the pizza department at a local grocery chain. While working my co-worker answered a call from a customer. Not sure of the answer to the customer's question he turns and asks me if the cheese we use is pasteurized.

My response of course: "Depends how high it's stacked."

He responded with, "Its when something is really far away so its "past-your-eyes'd"

It becomes pasteurized

It's Pasteur bedtime

"Dad, what does pasteurised mean?"
Dad picks up milk carton.
"Well this is milk,"
He slowly moves the carton past my sisters face.
"...and now it's past-your-eyes-'d milk"

Yesterday a lady was wondering what type of cheese she should put on her sub so I recommended the Swiss cheese because, as I put it, "The Swiss cheese is always really neutral".

The worst part is she didn't even laugh.

Pasteurized milk

'Pasteurized milk' in sign language is 'Milk' Past your eyes.

You get to watch their lives flash pasteurize.

Dad, did you get a haircut? No I got them all cut.

What do you call a Mexican who has lost his car? Carlos.

Dad, can you put my shoes on? No, I don’t think they’ll fit me.

Can I watch the TV? Dad: Yes, but don’t turn it on.

I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.

What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.

You know, people say they pick their nose, but I feel like I was just born with mine.

“Every time I hurt myself, even to this day, my dad says, ‘The good news is..it’ll feel better when it quits hurting.'”

What’s brown and sticky? A stick.

Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it’s tearable.

Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon? Great food, no atmosphere.

“I’ll call you later!”- “Please don’t do that. I’ve always asked you to call me Dad!”

Q: Why did the cookie cry? A: Because his father was a wafer so long!

What did the mountain climber name his son? Cliff.

This graveyard looks overcrowded. People must be dying to get in there.

“My dad literally told me this one last week: ‘Did you hear about the guy who invented Lifesavers? They say he made a mint.’”

“Whenever the cashier at the grocery store asks my dad if he would like the milk in a bag he replies, ‘No, just leave it in the carton!’”

I got so angry the other day when I couldn’t find my stress ball.

If I had a dime for every book I’ve ever read, I’d say: “Wow, that’s coincidental.”

I’m not indecisive. Unless you want me to be.

How many apples grow on a tree? All of them.

How does a penguin build it’s house? Igloos it together.

“Me: ‘Dad, make me a sandwich!’ Dad: ‘Poof, You’re a sandwich!’”

“I heard there was a new store called Moderation. They have everything there

A steak pun is a rare medium well done.

“How can you tell if a ant is a boy or a girl? They’re all girls, otherwise they’d be uncles.”

Milk is also the fastest liquid on earth – its pasteurized before you even see it

“What’s Forrest Gump’s password? 1forrest1”

The only thing worse than having diarrhea is having to spell it.

I asked my friend to help me with a math problem. He said: “Don’t worry; this is a piece of cake.” I said: “No, it’s a math problem.”

I keep trying to lose weight, but it keeps finding me.

I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport. I’m just doing it for kicks.

Did I tell you the time I fell in love during a backflip? I was heels over head.

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.

Why do you never see elephants hiding in trees?

Pasteurize

Before you see it, it's already pasteurized

It’s pasteurized before you can even see it.

Too far to see.

It's pasteurized before you even see it.

Milk. Its pasteurized before you can see it

Its pasteurized before you see it.

Milk, it’s pasteurized before you can even see it!

Milk! It’s pasteurized before you even see it!

Because it’s pasteurized before you see it.

It's pasteurized before you even see it.

Milk, because it's pasteurized before you see it

Milk- it’s pasteurized before you see it

Because its pasteurized before you see it.

Pasteurized milk

Milk

It's pasteurized before you see it!

It's pasteurized before you know it.

When its pasteurize

It's pasteurized before you even see it!

It’s pasteurized before you ever see it.

It’s pasteurized before you even see it.

It’s pasteurized before you even see it.