I told my wife at dinner, "honey your chicken parmesan reminds me of a poutine" she said "how's that?"

Because I want to poutine my mouth.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/fullmiz
πŸ“…︎ Sep 03 2020
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Did you hear about the guy who spilled Parmesan all over his Apple computer?

Now he just has Mac and cheese

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πŸ‘€︎ u/BassMusicIsLife
πŸ“…︎ May 15 2020
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I spilled Parmesan all over my laptop...

This gives a whole new meaning to Mac β€˜n Cheese.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/andersonfmly
πŸ“…︎ May 13 2020
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If you buy real, block Parmesan you don't have to worry about tossing it in your bag
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πŸ‘€︎ u/_NoSkillJustHax
πŸ“…︎ Apr 07 2019
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Can you believe Trump wants to ban shakers of parmesan from supermarket shelves, only allowing it to be sold in wedge form?

He says he wants to make America grate again.

πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PopsicleMud
πŸ“…︎ Jun 05 2016
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Why can't anti-vaxxers eat Parmesan cheese?

They're against Big Parma

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πŸ‘€︎ u/RecklessDawn
πŸ“…︎ Apr 14 2019
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American grocery stores are going to start selling Parmesan cheese in chunks

To make America grate again!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/etawong
πŸ“…︎ May 09 2019
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What do you call a not-so-good Chicken Parmesan sandwich?

Sub parm

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πŸ‘€︎ u/nomittensthanks
πŸ“…︎ May 18 2018
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Yesterday, I bought my wife a cheese grater to use on cheddar and parmesan, both of which I hate.

It was the grater of two evils.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheManxLynx
πŸ“…︎ Aug 07 2018
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5yo daughter asked why I was the one who decided how much grated parmesan she could have on her pasta...

...I told her it was because in our house, I'm Julius Cheese-ar!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/rubbergoat
πŸ“…︎ Mar 27 2018
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Why are Republicans persuading people to stop slicing their parmesan cheese?

Because they want to make America grate again.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/johngreenink
πŸ“…︎ Jan 19 2017
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Did you hear Trump is banning Kraft Parmesan Cheese in the green can?

#######MakeAmericaGrateAgain

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ActualButt
πŸ“…︎ Jan 20 2017
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I think it's still raw
πŸ‘︎ 3k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/homodemen
πŸ“…︎ Dec 27 2019
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The family wasn't thrilled with my cheese choices.

Queso?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/osirisrebel
πŸ“…︎ Dec 21 2019
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This is grate
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πŸ‘€︎ u/EC097
πŸ“…︎ Apr 13 2019
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What do you call a row of people lifting mozzarella?

A cheesy pick up line.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Lord_Webthryst
πŸ“…︎ Apr 30 2018
🚨︎ report
Forbidden Mac and Cheese
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SirAeneas
πŸ“…︎ Mar 28 2019
🚨︎ report
The Blitz of Puns

It really grinds my gears when people say stick-shift is obsolete.

Most people like their music bass-boosted, but it seems like too much treble.

When an astronaut drinks tea, he takes a big space-sip.

The best electricity puns are live wires. Coppers really don’t know how to resist these in a coil. If you make enough of this type of pun you can really blow their fuses. You need to be smart about how you conduct these so you don’t overload your capacitors.

The only kind of rap I like is the wrapping paper on gifts.

Scissors always cut to the point.

Airplane puns always fly overhead. You have to be careful so you don’t stall out. Always use better judgement so you nose how to dive. When used correctly, this pun classification can really propel to infinity and beyond. However, if misused, the fall from grace is full of turbulence.

When working with electricity puns always make sure to be grounded to prevent shocking results.

Mr. Tea says, ”Don’t be a fool, stay in school!”

i c e i c e w a t e r

Architecture is an aspiring career path.

β€˜Pun’ puns don’t add up. The are starting to get negative receptions.

I’ll do algebra. I’ll even do calculus. But graphing is where I draw the line.

Plants should always rooted in the ground.

Never argue with people when they are right or nobody will be left hanging out with you.

Rocks make boulder moves. This means they are pelite and not jagged. Don’t take these puns for granite.

Cheese puns are grate because you don’t have to ask for parmesan to use them.

Eskimos have cold personality. It is an ice society, but some of their history chills my spine.

My dog died a few years ago. It was really ruff.

I am not a fan of wind turbines.

Life is like driftwood. You never know where you will float.

Christmas lights stick together. When one goes out, they all do.

Puns about communism are only funny if everyone gets them.

Rocket scientists cannot fuel around or something bad can happen.

A baker is someone who kneads to make baked goods.

I sometimes wear stripes to avoid being spotted.

Sponges are great at absorbing liquids.

Contrary to the name, relationships have nothing to do with boats.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/zmanofdoom95
πŸ“…︎ May 16 2019
🚨︎ report
My daughter asked if she could grate extra cheese on top of my pizza.

Parmesan granted.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/wolfsnare24
πŸ“…︎ Feb 24 2019
🚨︎ report
My daughter bought some cheese without asking me, I was upset

because she did't take my Parmesan.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/shahzadafzal
πŸ“…︎ Feb 21 2019
🚨︎ report
Wanna hear a cheesy joke?

Parmesan

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mrender3
πŸ“…︎ Sep 22 2018
🚨︎ report
Giving our newly on the job waitress a hard time

Waitress: And what can I get for you Sir?

Dad: I'll take the Parmesan Encrusted Steak please.

Waitress: What temperature would you like that cooked?

Dad: 500...... KELVIN!

Me (facepalming): ...He'd like his steak medium...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/gloriously
πŸ“…︎ Sep 17 2013
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My dad just Laid this down on my step mom

SM: β€œI bought some shaved Parmesan and manchego”

D: β€œoh good that hairy Parmesan was no good last time”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/blueguy1271
πŸ“…︎ Nov 19 2017
🚨︎ report
Stinky Feet

As I was growing up, my Dad always called Parmesan cheese "stinky feet." I think maybe because it smells like feet? I've never been sure. I know now that this was a joke my dad made up long before I was born and it kind of just stuck. At the dinner table it was always referred to as "stinky feet" and my six year old self didn't know any better.

Cut to my very first sleep-over and my friend's family had spaghetti for dinner. There was no Parmesan cheese on the table, so I asked "do you guys have stinky feet?"

I wonder if my Dad was just doing the long troll.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/therealbreffix
πŸ“…︎ Oct 30 2013
🚨︎ report
A discussion I had with a woman over E-mail, Ripe with dad jokes.

Me:That's one of my specialties! Yesterday when one of my coworkers playfully hit me with curtains I threatened to have her arrested for assault with a thread-ly weapon.

Her: That's so cheesy, but so gouda.

M: Hearing you say that makes me feel grate!

H: Course! I couldn't just let it brie without returning with a different pun. :)

M: I'm so glad we curd share this moment, it keeps me from feeling bleu.

H: Are you stilton going on about this? It could be seen as a provelone.

M: No Whey! Really? I accepted Cheeses into my life a long time ago.

H: Well, I believe that there is more out there than Cheeses, with your Parmesan I could continue. Too bad I am bread tired, and wish to be loafing around. Good night and sweet dreams

M: Well, early to Bread early to Rise, as they say. You have sweet dreams. Oh, and don't ask Rye if I'm in them

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πŸ‘€︎ u/LegendofDragoon
πŸ“…︎ Apr 02 2016
🚨︎ report
At an Italian restaurant,

Waitress: Would you like some parmesan cheese?

Father: Yes thank you.

[Waitress begins grating the parmesan at an unusually high height, above my father's (seated) head.]

Father: Hold it closer, it'll be fresher.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/pickleops
πŸ“…︎ Nov 14 2013
🚨︎ report
Grocery stores in America are going to start selling Parmesan cheese in chunks

To make America grate again

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/etawong
πŸ“…︎ May 09 2019
🚨︎ report

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