Now he has sloppy jams.
Why he was in my pajamas I will never know
Am I going to change? Probably not.
How it ever got into my pajamas I'll never know.
How he got in my pajamas, I’ll never know.
The clerk asks him "Did you get a copy of all the Disney movies you wanted?"
"Nah, I just got UP."
A soft wear engineer.
Its not my fault I sleep naked.
No, I sleep in my bed.
My wife asked, "why are you wearing swim trunks right now?"
Because, I'm about to dive into bed!
They are the cat's pajamas.
Tonight my wife and I were explaining why my son had to wear pajama bottoms after putting anti-itch cream on his legs, because it kept it from rubbing off on the sheets. “But doesn’t it rub off on the pajamas?” asked my daughter. My wife patiently explained that the cream could then rub back onto his legs.
“Yes,” I said. “It’s a perpetual lotion machine.”
Today a student of mine was wearing a Pikachu onesie for pajama day at work (a junior in h.s.).our conversation went like this. If she wasn't in anime club with me I would have left her alone.
Me: did your wear that so guys would want to take a peek-at-chu?
Student : Mrs. Acinomismonica, please stop
Me: why? You scared they won't choose you?
Student : I'm going to stop talking to you now
Me: don't be such an Ash
Student : Mrs. Acinomismonica, you need to stop!
Me: c'mon student, you gotta Ketchum to my jokes
Enter the rest of my class groaning, it was a good day. Good thing I stopped before they threw Brocks at me.
I shot an elephant in my underwear the other day. I have no idea how it got in them
After a date night, I walked her to a car. It was late, so she tole me to go upstairs and put on my pajamas.
Her - "well, you don't wear pajamas. I guess your boxers"
Me - "right. I don't sleep in the nude. That'd be a little weird"
Her - "There are weirder things to sleep in"
Me - "Yeah, like a suit of armor"
Her - "That would be weird"
Me - "At least I'd get a good knight's sleep!"
She roller her eyes and told me to go to bed.
Edit - I clearly can't type. I'm leaving the 'roller' mistake though.
The boy in the striped pajamas
Context: Our 3 month old son had some cotton/fuzz/lint stuck between his fingers from a newer pair of pajamas. I was trying to keep his hands out of his mouth because I didn't want him eating the cloth particles.
Husband came out with this: Leave him alone LDJD. He has to get his fiber. Get it, fiber?
I was asked to help chauffeur a carload of youth around town for a Christmas caroling activity last night. One of the names on the list was Jack, who lost his wife earlier this year. Jack is in his early 90's, stands about 5'2, and is quite possibly the king of all dad jokes.
So, the group of about 25 kids and 5 adults sneak up to his doorstep and begin singing a few short Christmas carols. Eventually, he opens the door and is thrilled to have visitors.
After we are finished singing and the kids are all running back to the vehicles to get out of the 15 degree weather, jack steps out of his doorway and on to his porch. He is wearing a light t-shirt and pajama pants... he was setting us up, and we took the bait, hook, line, and sinker.
Woman: Are you freezing?
Jack: No, I'm not freezing, I'm Jack (pause for laughter)
Jack: but if you hang on for just a minute, I can get freezing for you.
and then he just stood there smiling at us. It was precious. Come to find out, Jack is entering... keep reading on reddit ➡
It was spirit week at work (to raise money for American Cancer Society) and today was pajama day. I showed up in my pink owl pajamas and looked real cute. Anyways as we're leaving, he almost slips on the hardwood, forgetting he wasn't wearing shoes.
Me: (laughing) are you okay? Him: yeah, I'm sure that was a real... Hoot. insert groans from other co workers
My gf was obsessing over these batman pajamas when she said...
"OMG I want these so bad, i think i might just have to sell my body for them." (obviously implying prostitution)
"But then what would you put them on?"
My wife is always cold in bed and uses a heated mattress pad to keep her side so scalding hot you could fry eggs on it. And then she piles on a ton of blankets. And wears flannel pajamas. As she was climbing into bed last night I said:
me - I wish I was a dragon.
her - ::confused look::
me - So I could withstand the insane heat it would take to get you to sleep naked.
She laughed. But didn't get naked. Guess the joke was on me.
A: (getting out of the tub) "I'm cold!"
I proceed to call him "Cold" as a proper name for the next five minutes while he gets dried off and I clip his fingernails. ("Give me your hand, Cold." "What's so funny, Cold?")
Me: "Okay, Cold, go get on your pajamas."
A: (laughing) "STOP CALLING ME 'COLD.'"
Me: "You know... if you get your pajamas on... and warm up..."
A: "Then I won't be 'Cold' any more."
Me: "A! Where have you been?? I haven't seen you for a while. I thought 'Cold' was going to be here all night!"
While putting footie pajamas on my baby niece we realized she was too tall for them. My dad says, "Cut off her feet and they'll fit. She's young, she'll adapt."
Daughter yells from the bathroom: "I'm going to get in my pajamas now!"
Husband replies without missing a beat: "finish wiping first or they'll be Poojamas."
Me: "that needs to go on r/dadjokes. Either you post it or I will.