I went through the trouble of cooking goose and pairing it with a exceptional whisky, but my sister hated it.

Last night at the bar though she swore she need that fine rye and gosling in her life. I was sure it would Drive her crazy. What Eva

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/PaxPaw
πŸ“…︎ Jan 28 2018
🚨︎ report
My mom was talking about pairing wine with food: "Some people over complicate it. This one with sea creatures, that one for everything else"

Dad:

> ...'C' creatures... like cows? Chickens?

Mom:

> .............

πŸ‘︎ 31
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/mynameipaul
πŸ“…︎ Dec 28 2016
🚨︎ report
Doctor doctor I feel like a pair of curtains!

Well just calm down and pull yourself together.

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/robjmcm
πŸ“…︎ Jan 14 2021
🚨︎ report
I always bring an extra pair of pants golfing...

...just in case I get a hole in one.

πŸ‘︎ 26
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Sugar_Wolf
πŸ“…︎ Jan 02 2021
🚨︎ report
Do u know how the roman empire was cut in half?-------How?-------With a pair of Caesars!!!!
πŸ‘︎ 2k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/st0len_meme
πŸ“…︎ Sep 27 2020
🚨︎ report
What is a synonym for a pair of shoes?

Sole-mates.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PeeSeaBayBee
πŸ“…︎ Jan 12 2021
🚨︎ report
What do you call a smart pair of pants?

A jeanius

πŸ‘︎ 26
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Ronin861
πŸ“…︎ Dec 15 2020
🚨︎ report
I bought a pair of shoes from this drug dealer yesterday

I don't know what he laced them with, but I was tripping the whole day.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Descator
πŸ“…︎ Dec 25 2020
🚨︎ report
A pair of jumper cables walks into a bar

The bartender said "I'll serve you, BUT DON'T START ANYTHING!"

πŸ‘︎ 46
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/CreepyPastaKing1
πŸ“…︎ Nov 19 2020
🚨︎ report
Why did the distance runner buy a new pair of shoes?

It would be helpful in the long run.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ryxnisfy
πŸ“…︎ Dec 29 2020
🚨︎ report
Which TV show pair has the best chemistry?

Walter White and Jesse Pinkman.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/sarcasticpremed
πŸ“…︎ Dec 14 2020
🚨︎ report
Why can’t two elephants swim at the same time?

They only have a pair of trunks.

-my grandfather, just 5 minutes ago.

πŸ‘︎ 13k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TheCVisNih
πŸ“…︎ Dec 20 2020
🚨︎ report
I recently bought a new pair of Orpothedic shoes

Doctor: No, it's pronounced 'Orthopedic'

Me: Ah, I stand corrected

πŸ‘︎ 39
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ProjectShadw
πŸ“…︎ Dec 02 2020
🚨︎ report
I bought a new pair of gloves today...

...but they're both "lefts". Which on the one hand is great, but on the other, it's just not right.

πŸ‘︎ 12k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/_oddballwoofwoof_
πŸ“…︎ Jun 06 2020
🚨︎ report
Why does a golfer always wear two pairs of pants?

In case he gets a hole in one.

πŸ‘︎ 64
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πŸ‘€︎ u/cosh1990
πŸ“…︎ Nov 02 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call a pair of docs?

Orthodox

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/LordVader1080
πŸ“…︎ Nov 22 2020
🚨︎ report
Vin Diesel should commission a heraldic crest under his first name, a pair of snakes intertwined with fangs bared...

Vin's Shield: Vipers

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Ranzear
πŸ“…︎ Oct 12 2020
🚨︎ report
Why did the woman break up with the man that had 5 pairs of legs?

He brought tension to the relationship

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/AceMcSqueezy
πŸ“…︎ Oct 22 2020
🚨︎ report
How do you optimize a pair brainstorm?

You blow into you partners ear

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Jacob_Orehoj
πŸ“…︎ Nov 02 2020
🚨︎ report
Son: Dad what are you going to do today? Dad: Well first I'm going to get a pair of glasses. Son: And after that?

Dad: I'll see.

πŸ‘︎ 36
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/KingTheo75520
πŸ“…︎ Sep 12 2020
🚨︎ report
If you go golfing, make sure to wear two pair of pants

In case you get a hole in one

πŸ‘︎ 28
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Shalopalop
πŸ“…︎ Aug 07 2020
🚨︎ report
I have a joke about a dull pair of scissors ...

But I’m afraid it ain’t gonna cut it.

πŸ‘︎ 17
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/face-spunk
πŸ“…︎ Sep 05 2020
🚨︎ report
Mom: Put a pair of normal shorts on.

Son: No I don’t like ghosts.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Braden-Morley
πŸ“…︎ Aug 16 2020
🚨︎ report
An ancient Greek walks into his tailor’s shop with a pair of torn pants.

β€˜β€™Euripides’’ says the tailor. β€˜β€™Yeah, Eumenides?’’ replies the man.

πŸ‘︎ 23
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πŸ‘€︎ u/lastatlongbourne
πŸ“…︎ Aug 30 2020
🚨︎ report
My wife told me she saw two EMTs walking over by the hospital. β€œTwo EMTs?” I asked her...

...don’t you mean β€œpair o’ medics”?

πŸ‘︎ 765
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/shantron5000
πŸ“…︎ Nov 16 2020
🚨︎ report
Maybe a pair would be enough.
πŸ‘︎ 29
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Jimanji03
πŸ“…︎ Jun 23 2020
🚨︎ report
My neighbor has been mad at his wife for sunbathing nude.

I personally am on the fence

πŸ‘︎ 16k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Yarnell3131
πŸ“…︎ Sep 06 2020
🚨︎ report
If you throw a pair of fins in water, they'll float. But if you throw one Fin in the water

Helsinki

πŸ‘︎ 29
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/zsm1994
πŸ“…︎ Jun 19 2020
🚨︎ report
I’ve been wanting to go ice skating for a while. My friends bought me a pair of skates recently, but they broke on the first use!

If you ask me, they’re cheapskates.

πŸ‘︎ 76
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πŸ‘€︎ u/FunkyFaz
πŸ“…︎ Jun 20 2020
🚨︎ report
They seem high tech
πŸ‘︎ 2k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/DaGamer3921
πŸ“…︎ Sep 25 2020
🚨︎ report
No one laughs at my β€œbring an extra pair of pants when you go golfing” joke.

I guess β€œhole-in-one” jokes are sub-par.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/RAClef
πŸ“…︎ Jul 11 2020
🚨︎ report
I was surprised about a pair of sunglasses on the road today

I got them for free, but that's way below street value

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MajorTom314
πŸ“…︎ Aug 12 2020
🚨︎ report
A pair of underwear walked into the bar, ordered a drink, and began to tell the bartender a story. He went on and on and on.

The bartender interrupted him and said, "Hey can you make this brief?"

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ht_86
πŸ“…︎ Jun 25 2020
🚨︎ report
How was Rome split in two?

With a pair of Caesars.

πŸ‘︎ 444
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/The_Russell_Pinto
πŸ“…︎ Dec 04 2020
🚨︎ report
I have an ugly, tight pair of shorts that I only wear when every other pair is dirty.

They’re my last re-shorts!

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jun 27 2020
🚨︎ report
I had to get a new pair of scissors today

The old ones just weren't cutting it

πŸ‘︎ 21
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/HellsJuggernaut
πŸ“…︎ Jul 02 2020
🚨︎ report
To save money I made myself a pair of glasses out of 2 old ketchup bottles.

In Heinz-sight I should have just bought a proper pair

πŸ‘︎ 686
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/sekearney95
πŸ“…︎ Dec 29 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call a pair of shoes ?

Sole-mates

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/aritra_001
πŸ“…︎ Nov 28 2020
🚨︎ report
Why did the golfer have an extra pair of trousers?

In case he got a hole in one!

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Viral_Idiot
πŸ“…︎ Nov 22 2020
🚨︎ report
Why do golfers wear 2 pairs of pants

In case they get a hole in one

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/BurnedTatti
πŸ“…︎ Aug 31 2020
🚨︎ report
Doctor doctor I feel like a pair of curtains.

Doctor:- Pull your self together!

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/tiger7971
πŸ“…︎ Oct 08 2020
🚨︎ report
I bought a pair of shoes from a drug dealer.

I don't know what he laced them with but I've been tripping all day.

πŸ‘︎ 15
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Bombxing
πŸ“…︎ Sep 23 2020
🚨︎ report
Why do golfers wear two pairs of socks ?

In case they get a hole in one !

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/HellsJuggernaut
πŸ“…︎ Sep 07 2020
🚨︎ report
Why do golfers wear two pairs of pants?

In case they get a hole in one.

πŸ‘︎ 77
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/SyncingShiip
πŸ“…︎ Jul 08 2020
🚨︎ report
I took two pairs of socks golfing

In case I got a hole in one

πŸ‘︎ 6k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/mr-m-meeseeks
πŸ“…︎ Jan 06 2020
🚨︎ report
I always take an extra pair of socks when I go golfing

In case I get a hole in one

πŸ‘︎ 181
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ May 02 2020
🚨︎ report
Doctor, I feel like a pair of curtains

Doctor: Then pull yourself together

πŸ‘︎ 24
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/lyphng
πŸ“…︎ Aug 21 2020
🚨︎ report
Q: Why did the golfer wear two pairs of pants?

A: In case he got a hole in one.

πŸ‘︎ 91
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Rav4xle
πŸ“…︎ Jun 11 2020
🚨︎ report
Why do younever buy a pair of shoes from a drug dealer?

Because you don't know what he laces them with and you'll be tripping all day.

πŸ‘︎ 338
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Tungur_Knivur2020
πŸ“…︎ Feb 22 2020
🚨︎ report

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