I went through the trouble of cooking goose and pairing it with a exceptional whisky, but my sister hated it.
Last night at the bar though she swore she need that fine rye and gosling in her life. I was sure it would Drive her crazy. What Eva
π︎ 2
π
︎ Jan 28 2018
My mom was talking about pairing wine with food: "Some people over complicate it. This one with sea creatures, that one for everything else"
Dad:
> ...'C' creatures... like cows? Chickens?
Mom:
> .............
π︎ 31
π
︎ Dec 28 2016
Doctor doctor I feel like a pair of curtains!
Well just calm down and pull yourself together.
π︎ 11
π
︎ Jan 14 2021
I always bring an extra pair of pants golfing...
...just in case I get a hole in one.
π︎ 26
π
︎ Jan 02 2021
Do u know how the roman empire was cut in half?-------How?-------With a pair of Caesars!!!!
π︎ 2k
π
︎ Sep 27 2020
What is a synonym for a pair of shoes?
π︎ 6
π
︎ Jan 12 2021
What do you call a smart pair of pants?
π︎ 26
π
︎ Dec 15 2020
I bought a pair of shoes from this drug dealer yesterday
I don't know what he laced them with, but I was tripping the whole day.
π︎ 6
π
︎ Dec 25 2020
A pair of jumper cables walks into a bar
The bartender said "I'll serve you, BUT DON'T START ANYTHING!"
π︎ 46
π
︎ Nov 19 2020
Why did the distance runner buy a new pair of shoes?
It would be helpful in the long run.
π︎ 6
π
︎ Dec 29 2020
Which TV show pair has the best chemistry?
Walter White and Jesse Pinkman.
π︎ 2
π
︎ Dec 14 2020
Why canβt two elephants swim at the same time?
They only have a pair of trunks.
-my grandfather, just 5 minutes ago.
π︎ 13k
π
︎ Dec 20 2020
I recently bought a new pair of Orpothedic shoes
Doctor: No, it's pronounced 'Orthopedic'
Me: Ah, I stand corrected
π︎ 39
π
︎ Dec 02 2020
I bought a new pair of gloves today...
...but they're both "lefts". Which on the one hand is great, but on the other, it's just not right.
π︎ 12k
π
︎ Jun 06 2020
Why does a golfer always wear two pairs of pants?
In case he gets a hole in one.
π︎ 64
π
︎ Nov 02 2020
What do you call a pair of docs?
π︎ 2
π
︎ Nov 22 2020
Vin Diesel should commission a heraldic crest under his first name, a pair of snakes intertwined with fangs bared...
π︎ 3
π
︎ Oct 12 2020
Why did the woman break up with the man that had 5 pairs of legs?
He brought tension to the relationship
π︎ 7
π
︎ Oct 22 2020
How do you optimize a pair brainstorm?
You blow into you partners ear
π︎ 3
π
︎ Nov 02 2020
Son: Dad what are you going to do today? Dad: Well first I'm going to get a pair of glasses. Son: And after that?
π︎ 36
π
︎ Sep 12 2020
If you go golfing, make sure to wear two pair of pants
In case you get a hole in one
π︎ 28
π
︎ Aug 07 2020
I have a joke about a dull pair of scissors ...
But Iβm afraid it ainβt gonna cut it.
π︎ 17
π
︎ Sep 05 2020
Mom: Put a pair of normal shorts on.
Son: No I donβt like ghosts.
π︎ 4
π
︎ Aug 16 2020
An ancient Greek walks into his tailorβs shop with a pair of torn pants.
ββEuripidesββ says the tailor. ββYeah, Eumenides?ββ replies the man.
π︎ 23
π
︎ Aug 30 2020
My wife told me she saw two EMTs walking over by the hospital. βTwo EMTs?β I asked her...
...donβt you mean βpair oβ medicsβ?
π︎ 765
π
︎ Nov 16 2020
Maybe a pair would be enough.
π︎ 29
π
︎ Jun 23 2020
My neighbor has been mad at his wife for sunbathing nude.
I personally am on the fence
π︎ 16k
π
︎ Sep 06 2020
If you throw a pair of fins in water, they'll float. But if you throw one Fin in the water
π︎ 29
π
︎ Jun 19 2020
Iβve been wanting to go ice skating for a while. My friends bought me a pair of skates recently, but they broke on the first use!
If you ask me, theyβre cheapskates.
π︎ 76
π
︎ Jun 20 2020
They seem high tech
π︎ 2k
π
︎ Sep 25 2020
No one laughs at my βbring an extra pair of pants when you go golfingβ joke.
I guess βhole-in-oneβ jokes are sub-par.
π︎ 6
π
︎ Jul 11 2020
I was surprised about a pair of sunglasses on the road today
I got them for free, but that's way below street value
π︎ 3
π
︎ Aug 12 2020
A pair of underwear walked into the bar, ordered a drink, and began to tell the bartender a story. He went on and on and on.
The bartender interrupted him and said, "Hey can you make this brief?"
π︎ 8
π
︎ Jun 25 2020
How was Rome split in two?
π︎ 444
π
︎ Dec 04 2020
I have an ugly, tight pair of shorts that I only wear when every other pair is dirty.
Theyβre my last re-shorts!
π︎ 8
π
︎ Jun 27 2020
I had to get a new pair of scissors today
The old ones just weren't cutting it
π︎ 21
π
︎ Jul 02 2020
To save money I made myself a pair of glasses out of 2 old ketchup bottles.
In Heinz-sight I should have just bought a proper pair
π︎ 686
π
︎ Dec 29 2019
What do you call a pair of shoes ?
π︎ 7
π
︎ Nov 28 2020
Why did the golfer have an extra pair of trousers?
In case he got a hole in one!
π︎ 5
π
︎ Nov 22 2020
Why do golfers wear 2 pairs of pants
In case they get a hole in one
π︎ 6
π
︎ Aug 31 2020
Doctor doctor I feel like a pair of curtains.
Doctor:- Pull your self together!
π︎ 4
π
︎ Oct 08 2020
I bought a pair of shoes from a drug dealer.
I don't know what he laced them with but I've been tripping all day.
π︎ 15
π
︎ Sep 23 2020
Why do golfers wear two pairs of socks ?
In case they get a hole in one !
π︎ 10
π
︎ Sep 07 2020
Why do golfers wear two pairs of pants?
In case they get a hole in one.
π︎ 77
π
︎ Jul 08 2020
I took two pairs of socks golfing
In case I got a hole in one
π︎ 6k
π
︎ Jan 06 2020
I always take an extra pair of socks when I go golfing
In case I get a hole in one
π︎ 181
π
︎ May 02 2020
Doctor, I feel like a pair of curtains
Doctor: Then pull yourself together
π︎ 24
π
︎ Aug 21 2020
Q: Why did the golfer wear two pairs of pants?
A: In case he got a hole in one.
π︎ 91
π
︎ Jun 11 2020
Why do younever buy a pair of shoes from a drug dealer?
Because you don't know what he laces them with and you'll be tripping all day.
π︎ 338
π
︎ Feb 22 2020
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