I went through the trouble of cooking goose and pairing it with a exceptional whisky, but my sister hated it.

Last night at the bar though she swore she need that fine rye and gosling in her life. I was sure it would Drive her crazy. What Eva

πŸ‘οΈŽ 2
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/PaxPaw
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 28 2018
🚨︎ report
My mom was talking about pairing wine with food: "Some people over complicate it. This one with sea creatures, that one for everything else"

Dad:

> ...'C' creatures... like cows? Chickens?

Mom:

> .............

πŸ‘οΈŽ 28
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/mynameipaul
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 28 2016
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What do you do when your Bluetooth device doesn't pair?

You repair it...

(Sorry I will show myself out)

πŸ‘οΈŽ 100
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/VegetableNatural
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 18 2021
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Did you hear about the optician who made the biggest pair of glasses in the world?

It was a huge spectacle!

πŸ‘οΈŽ 32
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Bang-a-lore
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 16 2021
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Doctor doctor I feel like a pair of curtains!

Well just calm down and pull yourself together.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 11
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/robjmcm
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 14 2021
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I always bring an extra pair of pants golfing...

...just in case I get a hole in one.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 28
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Sugar_Wolf
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 02 2021
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Do u know how the roman empire was cut in half?-------How?-------With a pair of Caesars!!!!
πŸ‘οΈŽ 2k
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/st0len_meme
πŸ“…οΈŽ Sep 27 2020
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What is a synonym for a pair of shoes?

Sole-mates.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 6
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/PeeSeaBayBee
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 12 2021
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What do you call a smart pair of pants?

A jeanius

πŸ‘οΈŽ 25
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Ronin861
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 15 2020
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I bought a pair of shoes from this drug dealer yesterday

I don't know what he laced them with, but I was tripping the whole day.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 6
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Descator
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 25 2020
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A pair of jumper cables walks into a bar

The bartender said "I'll serve you, BUT DON'T START ANYTHING!"

πŸ‘οΈŽ 45
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/CreepyPastaKing1
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 19 2020
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Why did the distance runner buy a new pair of shoes?

It would be helpful in the long run.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 6
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/ryxnisfy
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 29 2020
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Which TV show pair has the best chemistry?

Walter White and Jesse Pinkman.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 3
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/sarcasticpremed
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 14 2020
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Why can’t two elephants swim at the same time?

They only have a pair of trunks.

-my grandfather, just 5 minutes ago.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 13k
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/TheCVisNih
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 20 2020
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I recently bought a new pair of Orpothedic shoes

Doctor: No, it's pronounced 'Orthopedic'

Me: Ah, I stand corrected

πŸ‘οΈŽ 40
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/ProjectShadw
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 02 2020
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I bought a new pair of gloves today...

...but they're both "lefts". Which on the one hand is great, but on the other, it's just not right.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 12k
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/_oddballwoofwoof_
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 06 2020
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Why does a golfer always wear two pairs of pants?

In case he gets a hole in one.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 62
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/cosh1990
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 02 2020
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What do you call a pair of docs?

Orthodox

πŸ‘οΈŽ 2
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/LordVader1080
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 22 2020
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Vin Diesel should commission a heraldic crest under his first name, a pair of snakes intertwined with fangs bared...

Vin's Shield: Vipers

πŸ‘οΈŽ 4
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Ranzear
πŸ“…οΈŽ Oct 12 2020
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Why did the woman break up with the man that had 5 pairs of legs?

He brought tension to the relationship

πŸ‘οΈŽ 5
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/AceMcSqueezy
πŸ“…οΈŽ Oct 22 2020
🚨︎ report
How do you optimize a pair brainstorm?

You blow into you partners ear

πŸ‘οΈŽ 3
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Jacob_Orehoj
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 02 2020
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Son: Dad what are you going to do today? Dad: Well first I'm going to get a pair of glasses. Son: And after that?

Dad: I'll see.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 38
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/KingTheo75520
πŸ“…οΈŽ Sep 12 2020
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If you go golfing, make sure to wear two pair of pants

In case you get a hole in one

πŸ‘οΈŽ 29
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Shalopalop
πŸ“…οΈŽ Aug 07 2020
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I have a joke about a dull pair of scissors ...

But I’m afraid it ain’t gonna cut it.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 18
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/face-spunk
πŸ“…οΈŽ Sep 05 2020
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Mom: Put a pair of normal shorts on.

Son: No I don’t like ghosts.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 4
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Braden-Morley
πŸ“…οΈŽ Aug 16 2020
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An ancient Greek walks into his tailor’s shop with a pair of torn pants.

β€˜β€™Euripides’’ says the tailor. β€˜β€™Yeah, Eumenides?’’ replies the man.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 24
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/lastatlongbourne
πŸ“…οΈŽ Aug 30 2020
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My wife told me she saw two EMTs walking over by the hospital. β€œTwo EMTs?” I asked her...

...don’t you mean β€œpair o’ medics”?

πŸ‘οΈŽ 770
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/shantron5000
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 16 2020
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Maybe a pair would be enough.
πŸ‘οΈŽ 29
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Jimanji03
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 23 2020
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If you throw a pair of fins in water, they'll float. But if you throw one Fin in the water

Helsinki

πŸ‘οΈŽ 28
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/zsm1994
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 19 2020
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My neighbor has been mad at his wife for sunbathing nude.

I personally am on the fence

πŸ‘οΈŽ 16k
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Yarnell3131
πŸ“…οΈŽ Sep 06 2020
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I’ve been wanting to go ice skating for a while. My friends bought me a pair of skates recently, but they broke on the first use!

If you ask me, they’re cheapskates.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 76
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/FunkyFaz
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 20 2020
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They seem high tech
πŸ‘οΈŽ 2k
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/DaGamer3921
πŸ“…οΈŽ Sep 25 2020
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No one laughs at my β€œbring an extra pair of pants when you go golfing” joke.

I guess β€œhole-in-one” jokes are sub-par.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 5
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/RAClef
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jul 11 2020
🚨︎ report
I was surprised about a pair of sunglasses on the road today

I got them for free, but that's way below street value

πŸ‘οΈŽ 2
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/MajorTom314
πŸ“…οΈŽ Aug 12 2020
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A pair of underwear walked into the bar, ordered a drink, and began to tell the bartender a story. He went on and on and on.

The bartender interrupted him and said, "Hey can you make this brief?"

πŸ‘οΈŽ 8
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/ht_86
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 25 2020
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How was Rome split in two?

With a pair of Caesars.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 446
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/The_Russell_Pinto
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 04 2020
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I have an ugly, tight pair of shorts that I only wear when every other pair is dirty.

They’re my last re-shorts!

πŸ‘οΈŽ 7
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/rSlashisthenewPewdes
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 27 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call a pair of shoes ?

Sole-mates

πŸ‘οΈŽ 7
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/aritra_001
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 28 2020
🚨︎ report
Why did the golfer have an extra pair of trousers?

In case he got a hole in one!

πŸ‘οΈŽ 4
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Viral_Idiot
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 22 2020
🚨︎ report
Why do golfers wear 2 pairs of pants

In case they get a hole in one

πŸ‘οΈŽ 6
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/BurnedTatti
πŸ“…οΈŽ Aug 31 2020
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I bought a pair of shoes from a drug dealer.

I don't know what he laced them with but I've been tripping all day.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 15
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Bombxing
πŸ“…οΈŽ Sep 23 2020
🚨︎ report
Doctor doctor I feel like a pair of curtains.

Doctor:- Pull your self together!

πŸ‘οΈŽ 4
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/tiger7971
πŸ“…οΈŽ Oct 08 2020
🚨︎ report
Why do golfers wear two pairs of socks ?

In case they get a hole in one !

πŸ‘οΈŽ 10
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/HellsJuggernaut
πŸ“…οΈŽ Sep 07 2020
🚨︎ report
Why do golfers wear two pairs of pants?

In case they get a hole in one.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 79
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/SyncingShiip
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jul 08 2020
🚨︎ report
I took two pairs of socks golfing

In case I got a hole in one

πŸ‘οΈŽ 6k
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/mr-m-meeseeks
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 06 2020
🚨︎ report
I always take an extra pair of socks when I go golfing

In case I get a hole in one

πŸ‘οΈŽ 179
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Planet12838adamsmith
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 02 2020
🚨︎ report
Doctor, I feel like a pair of curtains

Doctor: Then pull yourself together

πŸ‘οΈŽ 21
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/lyphng
πŸ“…οΈŽ Aug 21 2020
🚨︎ report
Q: Why did the golfer wear two pairs of pants?

A: In case he got a hole in one.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 94
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Rav4xle
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 11 2020
🚨︎ report
Why do younever buy a pair of shoes from a drug dealer?

Because you don't know what he laces them with and you'll be tripping all day.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 339
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Tungur_Knivur2020
πŸ“…οΈŽ Feb 22 2020
🚨︎ report

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