Father: "So, how does it feel being a dad?"
Son: "It feels good. I'm a bit scared of course, but so excited at the same time. How does it feel being a grandfather?"
Father: "It feels pretty great. You've always been a good son and I've been patiently waiting for this special moment. There's something now that I have to give you."
The son watches curiously as his father pulls a large tome out of his backpack with exquisite text on the cover: 'The Big Book of Dad Jokes'.
Father: " For generations these sacred texts have been passed down through the patriarchs of our family. My father gave it to me when you were born and now, as a new father yourself, I bestow it to you. With this book you will have all the knowledge needed to become a truly great Dad."
Son: " Wow, Dad, this is amazing! Truly! I'm... I'm honored."
The father smiles as he extends his arm out to shake his son's hand and says,
"Nice to meet you, Honored. I'm Dad."
But sometimes I have trouble getting into the driver’s seat.
Whoops wrong sub
Dad: web design.
It can write other words too
It's not easy, but these days we all have to make concessions.
https://preview.redd.it/7wyoq3zl6k851.png?width=258&format=png&auto=webp&s=a7d2ac8d21cb3e052c973ef24c8b08dd21baedd5
In a way, I was beside myself.
If he owned Wal-Mart, would it be called Wahl-Mart?
The British were simply out-plaid
I don't know, sounds like a big brewhaha to me.
expect a long sentence.
She was a mathemachicken.
"Go ahead," he said, "Knock yourself out."
But I've no concrete plans yet.
He names it cigarette.
Every night he takes it out for a drag.
a Cell-fie
I didn’t want to toot my own horn.
It's going really well and I've just noticed my first leek!
That really pushes my buttons.
It's hobophobic.
It's "two" tired 😴
But it's awful
I asked him, "What lights up your night?"
He said " Blub"
Sorry, he's a bit dyslexic.
Cannellonely
Advertising slogan will be a doddle: “Please drink Responsibly.”
It's true, I saw it today and they were suuuuuuper busy! The waiting room was packed, and every time the orderly would come out to call in another patient, the half-man-half-horse would get all excited; "is it my turn now? oh, pick me, pick me!" and all that jazz. Of course, every time it was actually someone else's turn; the Kraken, or the Minotaur, or the Chupacabra. Eventually it seemed to get on the Satyr's nerves, because he yelled over "pipe down, Mike, we're all sick of you needing to be the Centaur of attention!"
It was called Smells Like Green Spearmint.
That guy is just full of himself!
Luckily I was in my living room.
A Chocolate Declaire
He has hives.
Suture self!
He said, "Working from home"
...but it's really starting to grow on me.
It’s a real head turner.
Perfect thyme-ing.
He was rushed to hospital with a hairline fracture
But it's growing on me
My grains give me migraines, Mike Rains
But “Shatner Panties” was not a good business.
My 14 year old daughter got up from the table after eating a bowl of cereal, so I told her to put the milk away. Then we had this exchange:
"Before you put that back in the fridge, why don't you plug it into the iPhone charger on the counter first?"
"What? What are you talking about?"
"Yeah, you gotta charge up that milk. It's only at one percent!"
I say it so often now that my kids stopped eating cereal, and have pretty much cut dairy from their diets.
It provides me energy and it’s also my biggest fan.
Well, after a lot of trial and error, he finally came to his Senseis.
It was Whiskey business
It was a bit too short and at first I didn't like it, but it's growing on me
They put a cap on it.
He said, “Like everyone else, I’m working from home.”
He approached me after I had parked in my driveway and asked if I knew why he was writing me a ticket.
I told him I had no idea what I had done wrong.
He said that he followed me for my entire commute and not once did I get in an accident. He fined me for wreck-less driving.
I think she may have multiple personal tea disorder.
Because it was two-tired.
Classic
He had to work from home.
NetfLIX
That way I can set my own hours.
A Holy Braille
But it just made scents to me.
They can't install Windows.
But I heard the ice cream market is a rocky road
It comes in at one end, and out the udder
Then you are a chicken tender!
He said “Fine, suit yourself.”
Suture self!
Gorilla wharf heir.
Because it was two-tired
...that way, the door is always ajar.
She’s too kneady.
It’s sweeping the nation
It's easy... I just take away her coat.
No, it never made it past the 11th grade.
Today I accidentally set loose the dolphins.
My wife has no porpoise.
My friend owns a greenhouse and was trying to drum up sales for valentine's day. She put out a bunch of posters all over town - in the park, outside city hall, and even in a few convenience stores and restaurants. Just about everyone was incredibly helpful and gave her permission. However, the animal sanctuary owner refused outright and asked her to leave. She was very sad, but in the end, she came to understand that...
>!Only zoo can prevent florist fliers.!<
Actually never mind, its just a Fanta-sy
An entrepreneur
It was two tired.
Because it was two tired!
The surgeon said: go ahead, knock yourself out.
Because it's two tired.
Me: "What are you doing?"
Burglar: "Working from home."
Because it is two-tired.
Because it is two tired
