I’ve always found them to be very uplifting.
He says its like shooting fish in apparel.
A three peas suit ...
I said, well, they do have the same genes.
I'm not lion and won't be a cheetah
The singer of "Believe" asked me to give her some.
I told her, "But I don't want to, Cher"
It's called Thai Me Down
She said he was the lone arranger.
Yet none of my coworkers have noticed.
I let the salesman pick my nose.
She said it’s an old habit
Because good habits are hard to maintain and bad habits are hard to break.
https://i.redd.it/32qkvjdpobk21.jpg
The ipatch
A sweat suit
(My mom told this to me not even 5 minutes ago; I think they're evolving)
I told them it came out of the closet this morning
She got all up in my gill.
If the actress who played Padme Amidala wore an outfit that showed a crease at her crotch it would be a Natalie Portmanteau
For when they get a hole in one!
I think he is a little racist
They'll both clean up your meth.
But after looking through her knicker drawer and finding a nurse's outfit, a French maids outfit, and a police woman's uniform, I finally decided: if she can't hold down a job, she's not for me.
I can't wait to see her going down the stairs!
What a waist of paper.
They said “ we don’t have any I’m afraid”. I said “don’t be silly, it’s just a costume.”
We were in the newborns size sections.
Wife: Oh, look at this cute newborn! Can we buy it?
Me: I thought you were going to give birth to it?
Wife: The outfit...?
Me: No, the baby.
So this needs a little backstory.
About 10 years ago my wife and I went to see the comedian Jim Gaffigan in Santa Rosa, CA where we live. About 2/3 the way through his set, he did an old Steve Martin bit. I leaned over to my wife and said quietly (or so I thought,) "Steve Martin called, he wants his bit back."
Apparently Mr. Gaffigan heard me, because he did the last 1/3 of his set staring at his shoes.
Flash forward to last night. We were at a public event with TONS of people, loud music, dancing, whatever. Some guy walked by wearing an outrageously funny outfit, and I leaned very close to my wife's ear to make a comment about it. She mildly upset and said, "Don't do a Jim Gaffigan," she said.
I blinked and leaned in again and said, clearly: "You mean...Don't make a Jim Gaffe Again?"
It was clothes-quarters combat.
Surrounded by his son, his twin daughters and a haggard-looking nurse who looked about ready to end it all if only she could find the bloody switch, he was finally breathing his last.
His son, who loved him dearly and wasn't at all sure if he had been cut out of the will or not, burst into tears at the plight of a man who would look more at home in a red woolly outfit than he ever could in drab, white linen.
"I do not wish to die today, Anthony", he intoned fixing his gaze slightly above his son's left shoulder, "there is something you must do to save me."
"Tell me what to do dad, I can't bear to look at you this way", cried Anthony.
"There is a land, not far from here, where no one ever dies. It is not for dying you see. That is where I must go."
"Where is this place father? Tell me, and I shall take you to it."
"Take me there now", he said faintly as if in great pain, "Take me to, The Living Room."
....are Costumer's Customers....
But then I realized that would be a little pre-conceived.
If we're going out somewhere nice, and I decide to wear something different:
Me- I'm going to go change Dad- Hopefully into a nice person
Har har dad. Har. Har.
He didn’t wear women’s clothing, he just got annoyed when he changed his outfit
Dad: Nah, it won't go with my outfit.
Last seen her rocking this gorgeous outfit at that Boulder City monumental gig with a bunch of stoners around.
Man, she was just stunning.
an outfit.
Mine is probably the Ceiling Fan. "GO CEILINGS!"
My wife was getting ready for church and I was in charge of dressing the kids. I got my son dressed and told him to go tell his mother.
Son: "Daddy and I are best buds".
Wife: "That's great to hear".
Son: pulling on his sweater and upset "No, we're best buds".
Wife: "I know, you said that before".
I walk in with a matching outfit "No, we're vest buds!"
We have a one year old son who is learning to use a cup. Tonight he was on the porch, "drinking" some water wearing a new and adorable little Nike outfit. The shirt got soaked so I took it off and let him continue to "drink" from his cup. Well of course he eventually dumped it on the floor.
So Dad is sitting there and he tells me to "just wipe it up with the shirt".
I say "NO WAY! I'm not using this brand new Nike shirt to clean the floor!"
Dad responds with "Just Do it™…"
...and looked at me with a face like it was the most clever hysterical thing that has ever been uttered in human history.
Me and this poor kid have a long road ahead of us...
When I am home for break I shower in my parents' bedroom because I hate sharing with my brother. So when I do so, I walk through their room in my towel to get to and from the shower. Every night I get the same joke:
Dad: Rugbybackliner, you wore the same outfit yesterday!
He then proceeds to laugh his ass off, despite telling this joke almost every night for the last 5 years.
We were watching a film in which nuns wore that full on nun outfit, I argued that almost no nuns wear all of that and is over represented in the movies.
He said to me "I think they probably still wear it all, it's hard to give up an old habit".
Wear an all-leather outfit... It's made of 100% hide.
Japanese Hibatchi steakhouse, all the chefs in cheesy cowboy outfits.
Dad: I guess you're from Western Japan.
Chef: Oooo got me there.
Groans.
I've worn a nice outfit today. My friends have been wishing me a happy birthday, then asking what the suit was for.
I respond, "It's my birthday suit."
I dad joked my wife last night with the help of our 3mo old daughter.
It was time for Marlene (my 3mo old daughter) to get in to her PJs and get ready for bed. I scooped her up and flew her through the air (making rocket noises of course) and headed upstairs to change her diaper and get her in to her PJs. As I was flying her away from my wife. I said in my "Marlene Voice" (which actually sounds like Cartman),
>"Maam... When I come back, I'm going to be a changed woman!"
So I went and changed her diaper and got her in to her PJs which is a royal purple footed PJ outfit, and flew her back downstairs. When I got back downstairs I said, again in my Marlene voice,
>"Maam! I'm a changed woman! Changed in to a grape! Just don't make me angry!"
And my wife asked, >"Why shouldn't I make you angry?"
To which I replied as Marlene, >"Because then you will have to face my wrath!"
The neighbor got (our daughter) a frozen outfit for Christmas. Hopefully it thaws out.
Me: "Why the student's outfit looks so cool?"
Friend: "Yeah, it's classy."
Whenever I need to change outfits and I tell him I'm running upstairs to change... "But I like you the way you are"
Grandma: clit_or_us, I have made up my mind, I'm going out with you guys tonight.
Me: OK, what are you going to wear?
Grandma: Nothing! Just tell them my outfit is wrinkled!
I work at a shoe store, often times when giving shoes to a customer we will sit down, especially the full-timers who are there a lot. My boss was sitting down talking to a customer about matching shoes with their outfits when it happened (he was sitting on tile):
"Yeah man, I always match my clothes... Hey, poortheologian, back me up and tell him that I do!"
"Okay." I then walked over, grabbed him and slid him about a foot back from where he was sitting.
He groaned, the groaned, I walked away.
