My extremely low effort drawn out pun. What’s it trying to say?
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πŸ‘€︎ u/C3Slayer
πŸ“…︎ Oct 18 2020
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Out-punned by an experienced dad
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bondjimbond
πŸ“…︎ Mar 25 2020
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Cardboard cut out puns

Fathers day dinner tonight for my dad and my sister and family can't be there because of travel restrictions. I've organised life size cardboard cut outs of them and had my sister record a few dad jokes/puns. But I need help coming up with more ... the best, worst and cringiest are all welcome!

So far I have..
"I'm feeling a little flat"

"I'm board ... cardboard"

"You'd think my ears are painted on, You'll have to speak up"

"Can you believe someone told me I had the personality of cardboard"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/NeishaJane
πŸ“…︎ Sep 05 2020
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Food truck rolling out puns
πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jayfuson_Vong
πŸ“…︎ Aug 13 2018
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Your Opunion Needed

Last night i got on twitter, one teacher from a gaggle I follow is talking about Peter Pan and tossing out pun after pun. Another teacher just asked "Can we make him stop?"

I replied, "When d'he start?"

Then another teacher jumped in with "Wendy do you think?"

Huh? I scratched my head. Was my unusual spelling so odd that it wasn't clear what i was going for? She got it enough to use THE SAME PUN in the SAME way.

And then her comment got favorites and 'attagirls'.

So questions: 1) which phrasing was better for the pun?

  1. If the second is better, is it still better immediately following the first?
πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/xwhy
πŸ“…︎ Jul 14 2015
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Chinese take out: 8 dollars. Tip: 2 dollars. Getting home to find out they forgot part of your order...

Riceless

πŸ‘︎ 14k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Degtyrev
πŸ“…︎ Dec 15 2020
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Before my surgery today, the anesthesiologist asked if I'd like to be knocked out with gas or he could just hit me over the head with a canoe paddle. So I guess it was...

...an ether/oar situation...

πŸ‘︎ 10k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Dec 28 2020
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I'll see myself out 🀣
πŸ‘︎ 4k
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πŸ“…︎ Dec 27 2020
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I'm an atheist 11 months out of the year, but in December...

I'm eggnogstic

πŸ‘︎ 10k
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πŸ“…︎ Dec 21 2020
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What do Mexicans eat when it's cold out?

Brrrritos

πŸ‘︎ 10k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Trtlman
πŸ“…︎ Nov 07 2020
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I found out my girlfriend is really a ghost.

I had my suspicions the moment she walked through the door.

πŸ‘︎ 749
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πŸ‘€︎ u/i_am_dan17
πŸ“…︎ Dec 30 2020
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A midget stumbles out of the bar...

He was a little drunk.

πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Dec 07 2020
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Accordion to research, 9 out of 10 people don't notice when you replace words with random musical instruments.

Please don’t resort to violins and anger if you don’t notice.

πŸ‘︎ 1k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/koukasen_np
πŸ“…︎ Dec 06 2020
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How can I get someone to hang out with me, laugh at each other’s jokes, and maybe share some fun platonic experiences together throughout our lives?

Asking for a friend

πŸ‘︎ 617
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πŸ‘€︎ u/OK_Compooper
πŸ“…︎ Dec 21 2020
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Text message conversation with my dad the other day, where I out-dadded him.

Dad: Give me your best knock knock joke. Or jokes. Do it when you can no rush.

Me: Does it have to be a knock knock joke or can it be any joke?

Dad: Knock Knock.

Me: Who’s there?

πŸ‘︎ 16k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/NC0828
πŸ“…︎ Oct 09 2020
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What's green, has 4 legs, and could kill you if it fell out of a tree?

A pool table.

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πŸ“…︎ Dec 20 2020
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This is how you make neon geen.
πŸ‘︎ 5k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bloodywolfeyes
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2020
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My wife told me to stop eating Christmas leftovers out the fridge

But I just can’t quit cold turkey

πŸ‘︎ 203
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πŸ‘€︎ u/alwaysthecold
πŸ“…︎ Dec 27 2020
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I've had a hard time figuring out why I don't consider cottage cheese truly "cheese"

But it's just a curd to me

πŸ‘︎ 335
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πŸ‘€︎ u/_22_14_
πŸ“…︎ Dec 19 2020
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Why is dark written with a K not a C?

Because you can't C in the dark

πŸ‘︎ 9k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mr_Mechatronix
πŸ“…︎ Nov 25 2020
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Why did the art thief’s van run out of gas as he drove away from the museum?

Because he had no Monet to buy Degas to make the Van Gogh

πŸ‘︎ 99
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πŸ‘€︎ u/OwenJthomas89
πŸ“…︎ Jan 01 2021
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Poor dude must be spaced out.
πŸ‘︎ 5k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BitchyOlive
πŸ“…︎ Oct 15 2020
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I said to my daughter "The cows are out sleeping in the field." She said "What's that got to do with anything? "

I said "It's pasture bedtime."

πŸ‘︎ 39
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πŸ‘€︎ u/timthedriller
πŸ“…︎ Jan 02 2021
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when I was a child we were so poor that my mother made us clothes out of the scraps my dad would bring home from work at the sandpaper factory

It was rough.

πŸ‘︎ 85
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Kinkybenny
πŸ“…︎ Dec 24 2020
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Every time I go to the liquor store, a dude comes out of nowhere to give me advice on what to buy.

He’s my spirit guide.

Edit: Thanks guys.

πŸ‘︎ 14k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Oct 03 2020
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My British friend was really proud of his heritage until he found out that his great grandfather was from Transylvania.

Now he can’t even look at himself in the mirror.

πŸ‘︎ 259
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Dec 19 2020
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An American is working out

β€œThis workout is intense!” He huffs to his friend. β€œMy heart is pounding!”

β€œHuh?” Says the friend.

β€œOh, sorry, I forgot you’re European. My heart is β€˜kilogramming’.” He replies.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheCVisNih
πŸ“…︎ Dec 22 2020
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When visiting Hawaii, you're not allowed to laugh out loud.

Only a low ha.

πŸ‘︎ 380
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JaceAltair
πŸ“…︎ Dec 08 2020
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Twenty Twenty won, and we're not out of the water yet! 2022 is Twenty Twenty too!
πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/CallMeCarrie
πŸ“…︎ Jan 02 2021
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I knocked my son's tooth out with a hatchet yesterday.

It was axedental.

πŸ‘︎ 109
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Astreauxs5
πŸ“…︎ Dec 23 2020
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My 7 year old nephew showed me with pride the "telephone" he had just made from a string and two tin cans. I pulled out my iPhone and said, "That's nice, but..."

"Look at what kids your age make in China!"

πŸ‘︎ 129
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πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Dec 25 2020
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Out-dadded by my 5 y/o niece

I'm staying at her mothers house, and she said, it's only 8:30 pm and everyone's already ready for bed.

My niece chimes in and says, "not me.", to which i respond, "You don't count."

Without missing a beat, she said, "Yes i do. One, two, three, four."

πŸ‘︎ 9k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/redneckvet
πŸ“…︎ Oct 05 2020
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A darker one my 10 year old dropped on me... (possibly triggering)

She could see I was stressed out with work and she and I have a very dark sense of humour.

Hey Dad, you ok?

Yeah li'l beat just over worker and tired and stressed about the holidays.

"hey dad, lots of men struggle with mental health don't worry about it too much, Robin Williams and Kurt Cobain daughters turned out just fine."

πŸ‘︎ 329
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πŸ‘€︎ u/rogalporn
πŸ“…︎ Dec 23 2020
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When it comes to decorating the Christmas tree, I've got a leg up on the competition. My cat says I passed out under the tree again, but I told her to stop pulling my leg.
πŸ‘︎ 47
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πŸ‘€︎ u/stalnoypirat
πŸ“…︎ Dec 28 2020
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I just went the doctors, turns out I’m colourblind

The results came completely out of the purple!

πŸ‘︎ 397
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Strange_An0maly
πŸ“…︎ Dec 09 2020
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I couldn't figure out how to fasten my seatbelt...

Then it clicked

πŸ‘︎ 139
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Gunny_McShoot
πŸ“…︎ Dec 11 2020
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A woman is walking through the park when she sees a very attractive man sitting on a park bench. He's reading a book and eating some fruit out of a Tupperware container. Slowly the woman gathers the courage to go ask the man out...

So, she walks over and takes a seat next to him on the bench, turns to him and says, "Sorry to bother you. I know this may be a little forward but I would love to grab coffee with you some time."

Flattered, the man responds, "Sure... but what makes you so certain you and I would get along so well?"

"Well..." the woman says. "A couple things, actually. I noticed you were wearing an Iron Maiden t-shirt. Iron Maiden are my favorite band of all time. When they went on their reunion tour in 1999, my parents took me to see them in Cleveland. I was 12 years old and it was the first concert I ever went to. I absolutely love Iron Maiden."

The man can't believe it.

"I saw them play Cleveland in '99! First concert I ever went to on my own. My best friend Jimmy Spitz and I told our parents we were sleeping at each others' houses, snuck out, took a bus into the city and saw them play at the Plain Dealer Pavillion!"

Naturally, they're both shocked.

"If that isn't weird enough..." says the woman. "I noticed you're reading Mark Twain. I was a communications major in university and I actually wrote my thesis on Mark Twain and how he used satire as a lens to comment on current events of the time, comparing him to satirical news sources of today. He's my favorite author."

Now the man is really taken aback, "Get out of here! I was an English major in university! I specialized in 19th century American literature and this is like my fourth or fifth time reading Tom Sawyer, I absolutely love Mark Twain."

They both can't believe it...this has got to be a match made in heaven.

"Ok..." the woman says. "Well, buckle up because here's the icing on the cake. I noticed you're eating a prune. Prunes are my absolute favorite fruit. When I was a kid, my grandfather lived on a farm. He had an orchard that mainly grew apples and some lemons, but he knew how much my sister and I loved prunes so he kept a couple of plum trees. Every year at the end of the summer, we'd go up and harvest the plums with him. He'd dry them and by the time we'd go back to his place for Thanksgiving he'd always have those prunes saved just for us. They're my favorite fruit! I love prunes, you're eating a prune, this has got to be fate. What do you say?"

The man puts down his fruit and responds,

"It's a date!"

πŸ‘︎ 17k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Aug 21 2020
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They really missed out on a great opportunity by calling them defibrillators

Should've called them heartbrakers

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πŸ“…︎ Jan 01 2021
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My wife found out I was cheating on her after she found all the letters I was hiding...

She got mad and said she's never playing scrabble with me again

πŸ‘︎ 23k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/User1N23456
πŸ“…︎ Sep 02 2020
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A crow invited his buddies over to hang out but they didn’t show up.

He was charged with attempted murder.

πŸ‘︎ 48
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Brainsonastick
πŸ“…︎ Dec 25 2020
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I ran out of toilet paper last week and can't afford to buy more till I get paid next week, so I started using the newspapers. Now the realisation has kicked in......

......... The Times are really Rough!!!

πŸ‘︎ 60
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ball5deeper
πŸ“…︎ Dec 16 2020
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I work out?
πŸ‘︎ 57
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ahydron
πŸ“…︎ Dec 01 2020
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Today I got out-dad joked by a 2 year old

I asked my daughter if she was hungry and she said "No, I'm Charlotte".

I'm so proud of her, but also I had been waiting to do the whole hi hungry, I'm dad bit to her when I thought she was old enough to get it. Now I feel like I've missed that window

πŸ‘︎ 16k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dermerger
πŸ“…︎ Aug 30 2020
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Just opened a Christmas card and rice fell out.

Must be from my Uncle Ben.

πŸ‘︎ 39
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Pengu_62
πŸ“…︎ Dec 14 2020
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I was at the store with my wife picking out a turkey and she seemed unimpressed by the size. She asked "do they get any bigger?"

I looked her in the eyes and replied "no honey, they're dead."

πŸ‘︎ 1k
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πŸ“…︎ Nov 02 2020
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Why was the mermaid kicked out of Geometry class?

She forgot her Algae-bra.

πŸ‘︎ 93
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πŸ‘€︎ u/slcikdeaaal
πŸ“…︎ Dec 09 2020
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What's green and will kill you if it falls out of a tree

A pool table.

πŸ‘︎ 19
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πŸ‘€︎ u/buckarooBanzii
πŸ“…︎ Dec 22 2020
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I found out my girlfriend is really a ghost.

I had my suspicions the moment she walked through the door.

πŸ‘︎ 10k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/uhavethebiggay
πŸ“…︎ Sep 19 2020
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