originality!
Since someone recently said we should all start upvoting originality, here's your chance, dads!
My dad almost choked on a small flake of pizza crust, and he spent several minutes coughing in a loud and alarming way.
Finally he stopped, and he was all better. Someone caused him to chuckle, which triggered another fit of coughing.
I said... “That definitely didn’t go well; I think he had a ‘re-laughse’!”
Funset!
Like seriously, if I've read one, I've reddit all.
Poetry is good for amateurs; literature is best left to prose.
I've somehow made a hobby of creating (often very nerdy) puns, wordplay, and absurdities. Some of them have been sold on t-shirts. Most of them just end up as a FB status. They are not (at) all great, but they are original, so far as I know. Now I'm going to leave them here.
If someone makes a pun, you have to reply in a pun... but it has to be on the same topic as the original pun. Sooooooooooooooooooo my friend had the most clever, best pun of all time... A 3 word combo. The topic was dairy... and he made a pun I didn't quite catch... so with his wit, he responded "I guess that one flew right pasteurize" My mind was shattered...
So I came across a word today in my reading that I had heard before and was able to deduce it's likely meaning based in the context it was used, however, to be safe, I looked it up anyway and while reading the book definition came up with what I hope is an original pun (phrase)...
Context: When someone is giving you a hard time you can say, "stop basting my Lamb, you lamb-baster"
lambaste - criticize (someone or something) harshly
Dad was visiting last week, talking about his household projects he did. He mentioned that he got his septic tank emptied before winter, and that 'it was a shitty job'. He then tells me that his neighbor also had to get his tank emptied, so the service truck also emptied the neighbor's tank at the same time. He smiles and says, "Well, my neighbor and I finally got our shit together!"
He said he was very proud of himself for making an original pun like that. I patted him on the shoulder, looked him in the eye and said, "I can always appreciate an organic pun."
Because they taste funny!
People were sick of having to write out Stanstanstan.
But it was attracting cats too much.
"Yes, my master, I have."
"And a waterfall, spilling mightly over the stones without taking anything out of its proper place?"
"Yes, my master, I have witnessed it."
"And the moon, when it touches the calm water to reflect all its enormous beauty?"
"Yes, my master, I have also seen this marvelous phenomenon."
"That is the problem. You keep watching all this shit instead of training."
They were right. I should have waited until next week.
They were first cooked in Greece.
But China got it right off the bat.
Ee-ran away when I was a child.
But didn't because they felt no one would be able to find them.
He picked up the hammer and saw.
(my dad told this all the time. I am continuing on with the tradition...)
But then I changed my mind
It turns out they all have a toot in common
All Best were off
But then he hesitated
It was all COVID up
In essence, Jesus is never gonna give you up, never gonna let you down, never gonna run around and desert you.
So that I can tell jokes nobody has ever heard.
So when they get back to port, they can Scandinavian
He re-Poe-ed them.
To beat the crowd.
He pointed outside and said "The ATM machine. "
But then I changed my mind
...but then I changed my mind.
But then he hesitated.
