I've invented a new golf ball that will automatically go into the hole if it gets within 4 inches...
DO NOT carry them in your back pocket.
I sometimes wish I had invented the shovel
It was a real groundbreaking invention
I invented a car that moves only when the driver is silent....
It goes without saying...
If Al Gore really invented the internet, did he develop his own Al-Gore-rithms? :')
Did you hear about the man who invented the knock-knock joke?
He won the No Bell Prize.
My daughter invented a writing instrument that never runs out of ink, never smudges and cures any other difficulties associated with writing...
I invented the watch belt...
everyone says it’s a waist of time.
TIL of Private First Class, Francis Lipton— an American soldier in the Revolutionary war. Who invented a delicious new beverage while fighting at Valley Forge.
It was the first known casual tea of war.
Invented a new word today:
Ive invented a product that increases the size of your basement...
I hope it is a big cellar.
I've invented a chloroform body spray.
Ladies are always falling for me.
My family branded me as a failure, then I invented an invisibility cloak.
If only they could see me now...
I tried to visit the house where the guy who invented toothpaste was born.
Sadly, there was no plaque on it.
What was invented before mayonnaise?
Whoever invented "Knock knock" jokes...
should get a no-bell prize.
I'll bet the guy who invented the snooze button...
.....never invented anything else.
To the person who invented 0...
The life story of the man who invented the limbo dance is a sad one...
So sad in fact, that you wouldn't even want to joke about it. His hometown shunned him completely, his wife left him, and he was never able to walk into a bar again.
...or else he'd lose.
Out of all the inventions of the Bronze Age...
The shovel has to be the most groundbreaking of all
All of my inventions suck
Before the crowbar was invented
The man who invented the TASER has suddenly died
Family and friends are stunned...
I invented a portable pocket toilet
I dumped everything I had into it
Did you know the toothbrush was invented in Tennessee?
If it had been invented any where else it would be called a teeth brush.
Did you hear about the guy who invented the knock knock joke?
The guy that invented the umbrella was gonna call it the brella.
Of all the inventions of the last 100 years...
The dry erase board has to be the most remarkable.
Before the invention of the wheel...
...everything was a drag.
what did the dude say when they invented refrigeration?
I was reading about the guy that invented Polos
Where were knots invented?
To person who invented infinity
I invented gloves.
Okay, I'm lying, but at least I had a hand in it.
the man who invented velcro died today
This one goes out to whoever invented the zero
When the view is so good that you need to invent a new phrase to describe it !
Did you know that Prophet Moses invented beer?
I like to think the person who invented the umbrella called it brella.
I think the guy who invented vibrators was schizophrenic.
The voices told him that if he builds it, they will come.
My friend is inventing breakthrough upholstery fabric that can self-mend rips and tears. When I asked how he's progressing, he replied....
I can understand why the invention of the wheel is looked upon as one of the most important achievements of mankind
It was a very pivotal moment
Did you see the movie about the invention of tampons?
Yeah, it's a period piece.
I put up a random movie, turns out it was about the invention of the tampon
I didn’t expect it to be a period piece
Did you hear about the guy who invented the door knocker?
he won the no-bell prize!
The internet connection in my farm is really sketchy, so I moved the modem to the barn.
How did the invention of the shovel go?
The person who invented autocorrect should burn in hello.
I decided to invent a time machine you wear like a belt
It turned out to be a complete waist of time
What's the most groundbreaking invention of all time?
What country invented lollipops?
Lick-tenstein.
Not really though. Pretty sure.
Ive invented a new phone charger
The results are shocking.
What is the most ground breaking invention of all time?
My 8 years old invented this one and I am proudly sharing it with you all
Dad, do you know what an olive is?
A sick grape.
Did you hear how clever the person was who invented the tutu?
They really knew how to put tu and tu together.
The impact the aeroplane’s invention has made has been far-reaching
What did they call the lightsaber when it was first invented?
Who invented the door hammer?
When you realise that the shovel was literally a groundbreaking invention
I just read about the most ground breaking invention in the history of humanity
I invented a new myth to delight my kids
There once was a greedy ore mining magnate who wished that everything he touched would turn into iron. He was careful to always wear gloves except when making huge loads of ore, except for one day when a mosquito landed on his knee. Not thinking, the magnate slapped his leg with his exposed hand. His knee immediately became metallic and the sudden change to his blood pressure caused almost instantaneous death.
Later in the morgue the Coroner noted that it was a classic example of situational iron knee.
Did you hear about the man who invented a more efficient way to set up the high jump and pole vault?
The shovel was a groundbreaking invention
But everyone was blown away by the leaf blower.
Scientists have invented artificial vocal cords.
The result speaks for itself.
My dad invented a belt made of herbs that takes you 5 minutes into the future.
It took 6 minutes to put on. It was a waist of thyme
Words I've invented during my lifetime:
The person that invented Knock Knock Jokes
Should get a no bell prize.
To the person that invented the number 0
The man who invented the umbrella was originally gonna call it "brella"
I invented a new word today
Did you hear about the guy who invented the knock-knock joke?
He won the 'no-bell' prize.
The man who invented the umbrella was originally going to call it the “Brella”
Out of all the inventions in the last 100 years...
...the dry erase board is probably the most remarkable.
Hey guys! I invented a new word!
Can anyone inform me on who invented knock knock jokes ?
They deserve a no bell prize
For the person who invented the number 0
Thanks for nothing.
(If this has been done, im very sorry.)
The man who invented velcro died.
Fun fack: before the crowbar was invented
Most crows drank at home.
To the guy who invented zero
The invention of the shovel wasn't good
Did you hear about the guy who invented the 'Knock Knock' joke ?
He won the "No-Bell Prize"
Whoever invented the knock-knock joke
should get a no bell prize.
The guy who invented velcro died...
Did you hear about the guy that invented Trebor....
I invented a new word today:
The guy who invented the knock knock joke...
Should win a no-bell prize
Out of all the inventions in the last 100 years...
The dry erase board has to be the most remarkable.
True fact: Before the crowbar was invented.
To the man who invented zero
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