My dad almost choked on a small flake of pizza crust, and he spent several minutes coughing in a loud and alarming way.
Finally he stopped, and he was all better. Someone caused him to chuckle, which triggered another fit of coughing.
I said... “That definitely didn’t go well; I think he had a ‘re-laughse’!”
Poetry is good for amateurs; literature is best left to prose.
I've somehow made a hobby of creating (often very nerdy) puns, wordplay, and absurdities. Some of them have been sold on t-shirts. Most of them just end up as a FB status. They are not (at) all great, but they are original, so far as I know. Now I'm going to leave them here.
Funset!
Like seriously, if I've read one, I've reddit all.
If someone makes a pun, you have to reply in a pun... but it has to be on the same topic as the original pun. Sooooooooooooooooooo my friend had the most clever, best pun of all time... A 3 word combo. The topic was dairy... and he made a pun I didn't quite catch... so with his wit, he responded "I guess that one flew right pasteurize" My mind was shattered...
So I came across a word today in my reading that I had heard before and was able to deduce it's likely meaning based in the context it was used, however, to be safe, I looked it up anyway and while reading the book definition came up with what I hope is an original pun (phrase)...
Context: When someone is giving you a hard time you can say, "stop basting my Lamb, you lamb-baster"
lambaste - criticize (someone or something) harshly
Dad was visiting last week, talking about his household projects he did. He mentioned that he got his septic tank emptied before winter, and that 'it was a shitty job'. He then tells me that his neighbor also had to get his tank emptied, so the service truck also emptied the neighbor's tank at the same time. He smiles and says, "Well, my neighbor and I finally got our shit together!"
He said he was very proud of himself for making an original pun like that. I patted him on the shoulder, looked him in the eye and said, "I can always appreciate an organic pun."
They were cooked in grease
“Well oil be dammed”
Twice dragons.
Update: honestly thank you everyone, you guys are totally making this kids day! Distance learning in kindergarten has been rough and he misses seeing his friends pretty hard, so when I told him about this (I was able to use “Wreck-It Ralph : Ralph breaks the Internet” and buzz tube with likes/hearts as a reference) he’s been smiling from ear to ear nonstop since! A million thankyou‘s for the kind words and awards.
They Argon.
Because it had egg-zema.
She's suffered from eczema since she was a baby and I'm glad she can find humor in it.
A ***Ska***lar.
.....but then I changed my mind.
They had to SeverNyah
Because they taste funny!
People were sick of having to write out Stanstanstan.
In other words, he was a super-calloused fragile mystic suffering from halitosis.
Because six, seven eight.
But it was attracting cats too much.
Our new puppy is named Habibi but we all call her Bibi for short. Here are two real dad jokes I've told about her in the past few weeks:
- What do you call it when Bibi eats one of the Star Wars toys?
Bibi ate
- What do you call it when Bibi shoots out tiny poop pellets instead of her normal poops?
Bibi gun
Thank you, thank you. bows
Saw this post already
In case they got a hole in one.
They were right. I should have waited until next week.
They were first cooked in Greece.
Left me with a John Deere Letter.
Ee-ran away when I was a child.
That's called A-pasta-cy
I'm proud of that one. I originally posted it to r/cleanjokes
