On the way home I got mugged.
It's a fancy pants word.
They'd gone together dressed as the number 10...
I knew there and then that she was the One!!
Me: Well, that’s your Uncle Frank. That’s where he wanted his remains. It was his favorite beer stein. He always said it would be funny. Never understood why.
Son: Maybe it’s so he could be Frank in Stein
Me: That son of a bitch!
It’s not bad or anything, I just think it’s overgrated.
You should have seen her face light up when she opened it
It was pretty boring
Why would I want two empty glasses?" I asked
The man goes into the fancy restaurant and have a discussion with the host:
Host Sir, you cannot come in here with out a belt. We have standards.
The man goes out to his car and puts on a belt fashioned out of some rope. He goes back in.
Host Alright.... I guess you have a belt....You still need a jacket.
The man goes back out to his car and fishes out a jacket his wore to a wedding a year ago. He shares it off, brushes it with his hand, and puts it on.
Host Ok. You still need a tie. It is required.
The man goes out to his car. He doesn't have a tie. He puts on jumper cables and makes a perfect Windsor knot.
Host You have a belt and a jacket. I guess you have a tie.
Just don't try to start something....
I shifted my seat to look out of the window to stare at the wall directly across the street.
Imma wall street banker now
Despite all the new features, I was pretty shocked to find out it wasn’t waterproof.
To brighten things up a bit, I'll be going as The Sun.
The doorman turns them back, saying “I’m sorry. We can’t let you in without a Thai.”
The waiter responds “It’s tap quality”
Your Mercedes bends
Namaste in instead...
I hope it makes us more cultured.
I said, "Leave my provolone alone."
I said don't be Sicily.
He looked spiffy in his loafers.
Nothing fancy, but it fits the bill.
They have to fit the Bill.
So my wife is currently working from home and her employer decided to send her a hamper package in the mail. It was quite nice but pretty standard stuff. Wine, some cookies, crackers and also a bottle extra virgin olive oil (came with a cheese platter kit)
Wife was pretty happy about the fancy packaging and showed it to me saying "look they even sent extra virgin olive oil in this little fancy bottle for cheese platters!"
My response? "Aww that poor olive oil bottle never had sex? So sad!"
...Pls send help
I told her next time she can pick the restaurant, if she really hated Subway that much.
Because they cantaloupe
I said, "Marilyn Monroe was never a boy."
Everyone was wearing platforms
a posh trophy
I wasn't told the dress code so I wasn't Aladdin
“Hey!! Torte us!!!!!!
You might say she has a personal relationship with cheeses.
I told her not to threaten me with a good thyme.
It was terrible. I didn't know how to react.
Boy, the duck might have been small but its bill sure was big.
Buy a frugelhorn
“I’m a turtle” he says
Oh...well who’s that on your back then?
He replies, “That’s Michelle...”
They aren't fancy or nothing but they fit the bill!
I told her careful it might be a sham
Royal gala
Affogato the name.
"Why on Earth would I want two empty glasses?" I asked.
