My 5yo blew us away with this original that he came up with all on his own. What do you call two ice dragons?

Twice dragons.

Update: honestly thank you everyone, you guys are totally making this kids day! Distance learning in kindergarten has been rough and he misses seeing his friends pretty hard, so when I told him about this (I was able to use β€œWreck-It Ralph : Ralph breaks the Internet” and buzz tube with likes/hearts as a reference) he’s been smiling from ear to ear nonstop since! A million thankyouβ€˜s for the kind words and awards.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jruff84
πŸ“…︎ Feb 01 2021
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What do you call a historian studying a music genre that originated in Jamaica in the late 1950s...

A ***Ska***lar.

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πŸ“…︎ Mar 18 2021
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Did you know the PS5 was originally going to be called the PSPSPSPSPS.

But it was attracting cats too much.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/potatomaster_72
πŸ“…︎ Dec 06 2020
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The man who invented the umbrella was originally gonna call it "brella"

But then he hesitated

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πŸ‘€︎ u/itsa_sharptooth
πŸ“…︎ Sep 08 2020
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The real origin of the sauce called Worcestershire

While it's true it was invented by a restaurant owner in Worcestershire, he couldn't come up with a catchy name. Serving it to a customer, the owner asked them how they liked their dinner. The customer replied, "It was delicious! What's this here sauce?"

Personal note: this is an authentic dad joke from my dad.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/danno49
πŸ“…︎ Jul 28 2019
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My six-year-old daughter just delighted me with a completely original pun: What do you call it when you have to go inside at the end of the day?

Funset!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bold0perator
πŸ“…︎ Mar 29 2015
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Coming up with names for periods of time is really tiring.

The people who originally did it tried to figure out a word for a 24 hour period until sunset. Then they just gave up and called it a day.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MrFillywonk
πŸ“…︎ Mar 16 2021
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Did you know that the first French Fries weren’t cooked in France or America?

They were cooked in Greece.

πŸ‘︎ 9k
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πŸ“…︎ May 15 2020
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What do you call a crocodile that is a detective?

An investi-gator

πŸ‘︎ 8k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Faiz_Clan
πŸ“…︎ Apr 27 2020
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[I've extended the original!] // What do you call a blind deer?

No eye deer.

What do you call a blind deer with no legs?

Still no eye deer.

What do you call a blind deer with no legs & no genitalia?

Still no f*cking eye deer!

What do you call a blind deer with no legs & no genitalia that's been worshipping the devil?

Still no f*cking goddamned eye deer!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thisissami
πŸ“…︎ Sep 02 2017
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Every day, my teacher reads a joke from Reddit to start the class, but today she is absent.

So instead, a subreddit.

πŸ‘︎ 20k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Dec 18 2019
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What do you call Japanese Rap music made with only original content?

Nori Rap

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πŸ‘€︎ u/draxa
πŸ“…︎ Dec 31 2014
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My son asks me, "What does gay mean?"

Me: "It means 'happy,"

Son: "Oh, so are you gay, then?"

Me: "No, son, I have a wife."

πŸ‘︎ 12k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bbtehbuild
πŸ“…︎ Apr 25 2019
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Sure thing !
πŸ‘︎ 4k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kones_6999
πŸ“…︎ May 25 2019
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Reddit Obligations:

I don't have any original material at the moment, but the obligations are still there. So I present the following:

How do you get a baby satellite to sleep? You rocket!

Why was Peter Pan always flying? Because he Neverlands.

It takes guts to be an organ donor.

Eggs don't tell jokes because they always crack up.

What's a tree's favorite drink? Root beer!

What do you call a cow with 2 legs? Lean beef

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef

What do you call a dog with no legs? It doesn't matter, he still won't come

Where do you find a dog with no legs? Right where you left him.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bross-Hog
πŸ“…︎ Sep 26 2020
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Nothing tops a plain pizza.
πŸ‘︎ 9k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/lumikue
πŸ“…︎ Feb 24 2019
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Breaking a leg during an audition ensures that you end up in the cast.
πŸ‘︎ 14k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Xddz
πŸ“…︎ Nov 10 2018
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Why did the coffee go to the police

Because it got mugged

πŸ‘︎ 4k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/inalieK
πŸ“…︎ Oct 13 2018
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Heres a classic

What do you call a person who eats cereal every morning

A cereal killer

(I know it's not very original but I wanted to post this classic)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MineMinecrafft
πŸ“…︎ Jun 05 2020
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Once upon a time, a setup went to a ball.

At the ball were many important people, well above the setup’s class. There was Original Content, Reposts, and even a couple from Google Searches for β€˜Dad Jokes Nobody Knows’.

Just seeing them made his mouth dry, so he began looking for something to drink. He knew his friend Joke was there somewhere, part of the crew catering the food and drinks. Seeing a server carrying glasses of champagne, he went up to him and asked,

β€œWould you know where to find the one they call the Joke? He’s supposed to be running drinks I think,”

β€œYeah! For sure. He’s right over there! You’ll find him at the end of the punch line,”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/cosmicnate
πŸ“…︎ Aug 11 2020
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When I noticed β€œHI” in the alphabet, I thought someone was actually going to be my friend...

Then I saw the next two letters...

πŸ‘︎ 4k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Apr 10 2017
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What should you do if you are attacked by a group of clowns?

Go for the juggler.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Grown_Man_Poops
πŸ“…︎ Mar 10 2017
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One of the stars of Suicide Squad stated that he might start forging iron.

This raises the question: Will Will Smith Smith?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/NotNowJian-Yang
πŸ“…︎ Aug 18 2016
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I'm starting a line of wooden plates with insults carved on them.

I'm calling them Hickory Mockery Crockery.

(Originally posted in r/jokes)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/L_Circe
πŸ“…︎ Jul 29 2019
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I recently got a step ladder

It hurts not being able to see my real ladder anymore.

Edit: Hopefully this will climb to the top for today.

Actual Edit: the first edit wasn't an edit, it was in the original post. I called my shot. fist pump

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SoDakZak
πŸ“…︎ Aug 16 2017
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I think this belongs here twitterthecomic.tumblr.co…
πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/strangerunknown
πŸ“…︎ May 20 2013
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We had an IDEA...

Back a few decades, I was working in a program with a local college in the Middle East.

The name of the program for ExPats has the clever acronym of "IDEA" (hey, I said it was clever); which stands for "Inter-Departmental Educational Adjunct". It's interdepartmental because my particular specialty not only covers field geology but also paleontology and a bit of archeology thrown in for good measure. Everyone hopes to have a good IDEA...

ahem...

Well, we saddle up and head for the Dune Sea out in the west of the country, where the Precambrian, Cambrian, Silurian, Cretaceous, Pliocene, Pleistocene, and Holocene crop out and access is relatively easy and non-injurious.

Well, we caravan out, some 30 Land Cruisers, Nissan patrol, and the odd Mitsubishi Galloper strong. We all get our maps, compasses and split up into 5 or 6 special interest groups ("SIG's"); where each IDEA has his own GPS and LIDAR laser ranging apparatus. Reason being, that there are very few benchmarks out in the desert, and even those are constantly at the mercy of the shifting and ever-blowing sands.

Since we're split into groups and at any one time, ranging up to and including some 50 km2, when a real find is located, a device called the "DIME" (Digital-Interface Monitor Encoder) is attached and programmed into the GPS for location later; it is a digital sort of low-frequency transponder, developed from technology used by offshore drillers and jacket setters where benchmarks are even more transitory.

The way it works is rather simple. When something is to be marked for later retrieval, a series of wooden posts are pounded in a triangular manner around the find and the DIME is set, programmed with the GPS and attached to one or more of the posts.

That's the theory, at least.

Everything works well, especially all the hardened electronics and computer gizmos, but attaching the DIME to the stakes is the real problem. It can't be nailed, screwed or fastened with any sort of metal contrivance as that farkles the magnetic field and causes all sorts of goofy spurious signals. Zip ties don't last long in the heat and duct tape is right out. Many sites have been lost to the shifting sands this way.

Velcro doesn't work too well, as the sand fills the hooks of the receiving piece of velcro and soon renders it useless. String or fishing line work, but that's temporary (they melt). Glue or mastic are out as these are supposed to be temporary. Even plastic sleeves don't work due to the heat out

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rocknocker
πŸ“…︎ Jul 30 2019
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A pun courtesy of my 8 year old

What do you call a crappy lawyer?

An a-turd-ney

This was originally posted in r/jokes, but someone thought it would be better here

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πŸ‘€︎ u/letsgoblue99
πŸ“…︎ Jan 20 2019
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I just sold my car and this was my add

Hi Folks, If you are a linguist then I am selling your dream car! I’m selling an Accent, a 2004 Hyundai Accent to be precise. Even if you don’t know a bunch of languages, this car is still great for you.

Just like me, it’s been around the birthday block a few times, but there’s still lots of life left in both of us, I guarantee! If you are looking for the perfect body, seek out a surgeon. If you’re looking for a car that will love you just the way you are, this is it. Now I know what you’re thinking, β€œI bet this is a junker”, but you’d be wrong. Next to my wife this is the best body I’ve ever had my hands on.

What’s wrong with it mechanically you ask? Nothing! It drives great, A/C & heat still work like a dream, breaks work, transmission shifts good, and the 1.6L engine runs great. With its age, the engine has had some parts replaced. All the belts have recently been changed, that happens with age as I just went up a few sizes myself. The washer fluid pump has been changed because it’s important to be able to have a good cry once in a while. I did an oil change in the summer and depending on how long it takes for this car to finds it’s new match, I will do another in the next month or so.

Since beauty is in the eye of the beholder, I’ll give you a run down of what the interior is like. It’s what’s on the inside that matters anyway right? I am the 3rd owner of this car and the previous owner was a smoker. I don’t believe there is a cigarette smell anymore but the cloth seats do have little holes in them. I mean hey, when you play with fire you get burnt right? The stereo head unit has been replaced with a modern Pioneer as the original just wasn’t in tune with my musical needs as a Dj. The only real problem this pretty young thing has is the passenger rear seatbelt does not retract. Since I have two mini controllers I taxi around, I’ve had car seats in the back and have had no reason to replace the seatbelt yet. A new one is only a cool $250 from Hyundai but will take some time for delivery. There are still 4 working seatbelts in the car so if you’re traveling with another couple, I’m sure they’ll love to cuddle up in the middle and behind you, the driver.

The trunk is spacious enough for the average trunk but just doesn’t work out so well for hauling Dj gear. The rear seats fold as easy a poker player having their bluff called, so it will give you extra room. Not much more that I can think of to tell you about but take a look at the plethora of p

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DjBWren
πŸ“…︎ Nov 14 2017
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I knew a guy who worked at a sewage treatment plant...

He’s writing a book called β€œThe Origin of the Feces”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DarkFast
πŸ“…︎ Nov 03 2018
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John started working in a color pigment company...

John started working in a color pigment company which specialises in mixing and editing different color pigments according to their customers's demands. Once the color pigments were done, they would be mailed out to the customers with a detailed note commenting on the properties of the produced color pigments. John was placed in the 'Pink Pigment' department which was incidentally between the 'Red Pigment' and 'White Pigment' departments. He was really good at his job and was constantly praised for the great work he produced.

However after a month or so, John found that a number of his work was being duplicated and mailed to almost all of his customers. Worse of all, instead of a proper note commenting on the color pigment properties, these duplicated products were accompanied with rather bad puns and jokes. One repeating joke which irritated him the most was: 'What do you call a country with only pink cars? A pink car-nation.'

Upset, he went to his manager to complain about the problem. After listening to John, his manager said, "Oh boy, looks like I need to talk to the manager of the 'Red Pigment' department again. This is not the first time that it has happened. Those Red-editors in that department love to copy and repost other people's original work as their own."
John then asked, "How are you so sure that it was them who are responsible?"
His manager replied, "Well, you can be certain that it is them as they always love jokes or puns especially in the comment section."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/AesSedai99
πŸ“…︎ May 22 2018
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What do you call a Kung fu vegetable?

What do you call a kung fu vegetable? Brock Lee!

(Brock Lee is said like broccoli)

I'd live to know if this is any good because I think this is a original?

How I came up with the joke (if you carrot all): I thought of it while eating broccoli and watching Naruto. (There is a character named Rock Lee and the joke soon came to light)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/entega
πŸ“…︎ Oct 10 2016
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A fact about plants

Did you know that if, for some reason, you're breeding flowers, and somehow, one of your flowers looses a sex organ, you can take the same organ from a different flower, and the original flower will produce it's own genes?

The process is called a transplant.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/BismuthOmega
πŸ“…︎ May 29 2017
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Sheep

This came to me this morning. I'm sure somebody has come up with it before, but for me it's original content.

If a sheep is having a dialogue in its own head, is that called internal bleating?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Domsdad666
πŸ“…︎ Sep 29 2016
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Renaming the charity closet at school...

Our school offers "gently used" semi-formal wear for kids who can't afford to get new things for every dance. It was originally called "my sister's closet" but then It started carrying boys' clothes too, and they wanted a name that didn't sound like a boy might be borrowing his sister's clothes for a formal dance.

"We want something catchy" a student said. "Like...my cousin's closet."

I piped in. "How about the small pox closet? There's not many things more catchy than small pox!"

Single word reaction after an exasperated groan: "no."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/mistermajik2000
πŸ“…︎ Oct 20 2016
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The man who invented the umbrella was originally going to call it the β€œBrella”

But then he hesitated.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/shadynasty94
πŸ“…︎ Sep 13 2020
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The creator of the umbrella was originally going to call it the β€œBrella”

But he hesitated

πŸ‘︎ 43
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πŸ‘€︎ u/gregonator36
πŸ“…︎ May 08 2020
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The umbrella was originally going to be called the brella...

...but the guy who named it hesitated.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/penthouse_sweet
πŸ“…︎ Dec 21 2016
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