I saw a lizard with angry red skin. It then turned orange! Then it turned yellow. Then green. Then blue. Then indigo, until it finally became a relaxing shade of violet.

Calmer, calmer, calmer, calmer, calmer chameleon.

πŸ‘︎ 74
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheAnagramancer
πŸ“…︎ Oct 02 2018
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If Green = Spring, Red = Summer, Orange = Autumn, and Blue = Winter, which colour is the wettest?

The Spring-colour.

πŸ‘︎ 21
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ravisandesu
πŸ“…︎ Feb 25 2019
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What's green and not heavy?

Light green

πŸ‘︎ 871
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Dark_Warhead3
πŸ“…︎ Oct 28 2021
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Charjar Binks
πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MrCloud-YT
πŸ“…︎ Jul 04 2021
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I wasn't expecting to be diagnosed as colour blind.

It really came out of the purple.

πŸ‘︎ 11k
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πŸ“…︎ Feb 02 2021
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Credit goes to Puns on Facebook. I am partly colour blind and this is f’in funny!
πŸ‘︎ 3k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/A_Good_Alibi
πŸ“…︎ May 11 2018
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Being colourblind is hard ._.
πŸ‘︎ 475
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πŸ‘€︎ u/NemotheChibi
πŸ“…︎ Oct 19 2018
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Just some jokes about colours

What’s orange and sounds like a parrot?

  • a carrot

What’s brown and sounds like a bell?

  • dung

What’s green and smells like red paint?

  • green paint

Whats red and bad for your teeth

  • a brick

I was diagnosed with colour blindness today,

  • I tell you, that came right out of the purple.

Colours making a phone call... Green green, green green....Yellow!

What colour is the wind

  • blew

What’s grey and can’t fly

  • a car park
πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/djgw88
πŸ“…︎ Sep 16 2020
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Breaking news: A red ship and a blue ship have collided in the Caribbean...

...apparently, the survivors are marooned.

πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mkay1911
πŸ“…︎ Feb 08 2017
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124 dad jokes that will make you laugh and cringe

Dad, did you get a haircut? No I got them all cut.

What do you call a Mexican who has lost his car? Carlos.

Dad, can you put my shoes on? No, I don’t think they’ll fit me.

Can I watch the TV? Dad: Yes, but don’t turn it on.

I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.

What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.

You know, people say they pick their nose, but I feel like I was just born with mine.

β€œEvery time I hurt myself, even to this day, my dad says, β€˜The good news is..it’ll feel better when it quits hurting.'”

What’s brown and sticky? A stick.

Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it’s tearable.

Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon? Great food, no atmosphere.

β€œI’ll call you later!”- β€œPlease don’t do that. I’ve always asked you to call me Dad!”

Q: Why did the cookie cry? A: Because his father was a wafer so long!

What did the mountain climber name his son? Cliff.

This graveyard looks overcrowded. People must be dying to get in there.

β€œMy dad literally told me this one last week: β€˜Did you hear about the guy who invented Lifesavers? They say he made a mint.’”

β€œWhenever the cashier at the grocery store asks my dad if he would like the milk in a bag he replies, β€˜No, just leave it in the carton!’”

I got so angry the other day when I couldn’t find my stress ball.

If I had a dime for every book I’ve ever read, I’d say: β€œWow, that’s coincidental.”

I’m not indecisive. Unless you want me to be.

How many apples grow on a tree? All of them.

How does a penguin build it’s house? Igloos it together.

β€œMe: β€˜Dad, make me a sandwich!’ Dad: β€˜Poof, You’re a sandwich!’”

β€œI heard there was a new store called Moderation. They have everything there

A steak pun is a rare medium well done.

β€œHow can you tell if a ant is a boy or a girl? They’re all girls, otherwise they’d be uncles.”

Milk is also the fastest liquid on earth – its pasteurized before you even see it

β€œWhat’s Forrest Gump’s password? 1forrest1”

The only thing worse than having diarrhea is having to spell it.

I asked my friend to help me with a math problem. He said: β€œDon’t worry; this is a piece of cake.” I said: β€œNo, it’s a math problem.”

I keep trying to lose weight, but it keeps finding me.

I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport. I’m just doing it for kicks.

Did I tell you the time I fell in love during a backflip? I was heels over head.

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.

Why do you never see elephants hiding in trees?

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 40
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πŸ‘€︎ u/weeb123xD
πŸ“…︎ May 19 2019
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Simon Says for adults

Simon Says flashing orange left turn only light, green arrow left two lane lights and red light.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Pumpdawg88
πŸ“…︎ Feb 21 2019
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My dad blew up my inbox with these last night

What's Forrest Gump's password?

-oneFORRESTone

What's red and bad for your teeth?

-A brick

What do you call a bagel that can fly?

-A plane bagel

What's orange and sounds like a parrot?

-Close...A carrot

And also all of these.

πŸ‘︎ 76
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πŸ‘€︎ u/sallyjoe
πŸ“…︎ Mar 19 2014
🚨︎ report
My dad got a ticket driving home

Dad: "You'll never believe what happened to me today driving home!"

Me: "What?"

Dad: "Well, I was driving down a back road home from work. It was such a beautiful day. The sun was still shining, a slight breeze was rustling the trees, and all the leaves had changed colors. Yellow, orange, red... just a gorgeous view. I was doing about 55, not a car in sight, when I come around a bend and see a cop car parked on the side of the road. I slowed down, but tried not to slow down so quickly that it would be obvious. I carefully drove up past the cop, being extra careful to stay centered within the lines and maintaining my lower speed. It looked like I was all clear, but then from out of nowhere a turkey jumped out in front of my car! I didn't even have a chance to brake!"

Me: "Jeez that's crazy!"

Dad: "I know! It hit the front of my car, rolled up over the windshield and did a somersault before landing directly onto the hood of the officer's car. He immediately turned on his lights and pulled me over and gave me a ticket."

Me: "What?? But that's not your fault! It was the turkey! What did he even give you a ticket for?"

Dad: "He gave me a ticket for flipping him the bird. Hahahaha!"

Me: -___-

πŸ‘︎ 29
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SoopaSte123
πŸ“…︎ Dec 08 2013
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dadjoke

dad: "What's orange, red, white, green and lives in a test tube?" Me: "I don't know." dad: "Bozo the Clone

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ViolaFury
πŸ“…︎ Feb 26 2014
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