2 old puns are better than 1, drawings by friend at work
I took a job as the head of Old McDonald’s farm
My 5 year old told me this today - Dad, how does a farmer count all his animals in the barn?
From my 5-year-old son: "Hey"
True story; it even happened last night. My 5-year-old son walks up behind me and out of the blue says, "hey."
I turn to him and say, "yeah, kiddo? What's up?"
He responds, "it's dead grass."
I'm really confused and trying to figure out what's wrong and what he wants from me. "What? There's dead grass? What's wrong with that?"
.
.
.
He says, totally straight-faced, "hay is dead grass," and runs off.
I'm so proud. My 12-year old told this joke during dinner: What degree does Dr. Pepper have?
My 4 year old son’s first dad joke
What do you call a bear with no teeth?
A gummy bear!
I’m sure someone else invented it but I couldn’t be prouder.
From my 9 year old son: Dad, what hand do you wipe your bum with? Me: My right hand......
Response: EEEEEEEERRRRRRRRR, I use toilet paper.
Well played, boy.
I saw a 1000 year old oil stain
It was from ancient Greece
I just found out the Mortal Kombat theme was based on something old
My Dad: Did you know that Mortal Kombat is actually based on an old Scandinavian church song?
Me: Wait, what? Really?
Dad: Yeah, a Finnish Hymn.
Straight from my 6 yr old.
What do you call a sleeping dinosaur?
Dino-snore.
I ugly laughed at this and she thought it was the best.
Edit: wow, thanks for the awards! I told my daughter she got 500 likes and she started dancing. Thank you!
My 6 year old told me this one today. Why do dogs carry bones in their mouths?
Because they don't have pockets.
you know what drives old people up the wall?
I bought my 10 year old son an acoustic guitar yesterday and he has mastered 3 chords already.
So now the full Oasis songbook is covered he's moved on to a new one.
So I'm walking down stairs with my 2 year old son this morning when my wife calls from the kitchen...
"Hey, you boys Wahstarving?"
"umm... what?"
"Cause I've got WAHFULLS!"
(She was so proud, a decent dad joke from the mama panda)
My 7 year old daughter's contribution: What kind of cookies do they have at the airport?
When I was a kid, having fun was simple, we just rolled down hills in old tires..
Yes..those were the Goodyears.
Why did the old lady fall down the well?
She didn’t see that well.
From my 7yr old daughter: Why was the pig covered in ink?
Because he lived in a pen!
So very proud!
Seven Year Old Hit Me With His Best So Far
Driving home after a long week and had been driving for five hours or so on two lane roads through NM and AZ. Hour south of Petrified Forest and see four sheep on the side of the road.
Me: Son see those sheep? There must be a break in the fence and they are wandering away from their ranch.
Son: Well, that sounds baaaad.
A reporter interviewed a 103-year old woman: “And what is the best thing about being 103?” the reporter asked.
The woman simply replied, “No peer pressure.”
My 7 year old, gazing in wide eyed wonder asked, "Is the Aurora Borealis heavy?"
I said, "No, it's pretty light. "
I told my 7 year old daughter, "Go to bed, the cows are sleeping in the field."
Puzzled she asked, "What's that got to do with anything?
I chuckled, "Well that means....its pasture bedtime. "
I'm a 40 year old woman who delivers babies for a living and I just bought a brand new Corvette...
Everyone thinks I'm have a Midwife crisis.
Showing my 2 year old daughter a picture of herself eating a burger and getting condiments all over her face:
"Mayo-Nose! That's what it's called"
An actual joke from my 8 year old - Why can’t you trust atoms?
They make up everything.
I was proud.
What is an Air Fryer's favorite food? (Courtesy of my 6 year old)
Air-vrything.
I'm so proud.
In the old days, excessive use of commas was considered to be a serious crime.
It usually resulted in a long sentence.
My 6 year old just told me this joke... What's stronger than a fortune cookie?
My 8 year old just told me this one.. What does the minister say when you marry a computer?
I now pronounce you man and wifi.
How do you know you're getting old?
You volunteer at a museum and they put you in a display case.
I asked my Grandpa, "what were your good old days?" He said...
"They were before I was good and before I was old"
What do you call an old snowman?
Water
(Courtesy of my 13 year old daughter)
My calculator is very old
But I can always count on it
I own a old mining helmet with a light on it.
But I never wear it....
It makes me light headed.
My 8 year old sons joke today. What’s a girls favorite unit of measurement?
Where do pirates store their old files?
In the arrrchives, of course!
My mechanic is 87 years old and he still works 40 hours a week.
Whenever he says "I'm ready to retire," his boss puts him right back to work on another car.
Did you know that Mortal Kombat was actually based on an old Scandinavian worship song?
From my 7 year old daughter
Where do pencils go for vacation?
“Pennsylvania!”
Did you guys know that Mortal Kombat was actually based off of an old Scandinavian worship song?
Did you know Mortal Kombat is actually based on an old Scandinavian church song?
It’s called a ‘Finnish Hymn’.
I saw a 2000 year old oil stain.
Why did the old lady fall into the waterhole?
She couldn't see that well.
Did you know Mortal Kombat was based on an old Scandinavian church song?
A Finnish Hymn, if you would
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