They never told me that getting older mad eeverything hurt when you get out of bed
I guess that’s why it’s called being a groan-up
I might be getting older, but I still don't need glasses.
I drink straight from the bottle.
Someone told me that getting older is like making a soup and continually adding more spices in as you age.
I guess that explains why all these old folks are so salty.
I really don't mind getting older ...
But my body is taking it badly.
My daughter was getting older and needed a new support group...
So my wife helped her be fitted for some very nice bras.
You know what’s the worst part of getting older?
I'm getting older now and my grandson asked me if I talk to myself.
Yes I told him. Whenever I need expert advice.
My son's getting older and worried about going bald, so I advised him to get a tattoo of a rabbit on his head. He just stared at me confused, so I said...
"Yeah, because from a distance, it'll look like hare!"
My doctor me, now that I am getting older, I need to install a bar in my shower.
Paul McCartney has decided to admit he's getting older and stop colouring his hair and has been spotted with his new grey mop top
Before he got dye with a little help from his friends
Now it can't dye me love
Now that I'm getting older, I'm not as sharp all the time as I used to be.
But since I'm a professional musician, my colleagues all seem to appreciate it.
You know.. my legs may be getting older. Knee's aren't doing as well as I'd like. But I have to hand it to them, they've supported me almost my entire life.
My dad is getting older.
Dad got home from work later than usual:
Dad: "I can't wait to be retired, I'm half-way there."
Me: "How can you be half-way retired?"
Dad: "Well I'm tired..."
Good one dad
I think I'm getting older...
As I was asked, "Should take a look! Got a smart phone?"
"Nope... just a dumb phone..."
As I get older, I remember all the people I lost along the way.
Maybe a career as a tour guide was not the right choice.
Why is it, the older I get...
...the further away my shoelaces become ?
Most bathroom renovators have this problem when they get older
As I get older and my eyesight gets worse, I can only think of one thing:
When will I get adult super vision?
Me: If humans lose the ability to hear high frequency volumes as they get older, can my 4 week old son hear a dog whistle?
Doctor: No, humans can never hear that high of a frequency no matter what age they are.
Me: Trick question... dogs can't whistle.
Now are children are older, I get to appreciate my wife, a Fun, Attentive, Tender, Caring Old Woman
Sadly, she just focuses on acronyms though
They say that as you get older, the first thing to go is your memory...
But I can't remember the second thing.
I got tear free soap in my eye
It hurts like heck but at least I’m not crying
Did you know that your eyesight actually gets better as you get older?
It's called adult supervision.
Q: Which of your senses tend to diminish as you get older?
I'm finding that as I get older, I am becoming more and more resistant to change. It makes me uncomfortable, and I try to avoid it whenever possible.
I mean, dollar bills are so much easier to carry around.
The older you get the more practical your Christmas gifts get. This year my wife and I got a vacuum.
Why did the bilingual man get a sex change when he was older?
Because he was a trans-later.
I’m writing a book about a person who learns to take better care of their hair as they get older
It’s a real combing-of-age story.
Rock bands lose their edge as they get older
This just happened:
My 3 month old son is blowing bubbles, and my wife says, "I hope we get giggles out of you soon!"
I said, "He's pretty close, maybe next year!"
Wife to son: "That's the oldest dad joke in the book, buddy!"
Me: "It gets older every year!"
You know, the older I get, the more I see myself becoming just like my dad.
It’s really becoming a-parent
You know, as I get older, there's one thing I will always miss
A small target from a long a distance
The best anti aging cream is being antisocial...
Without friends, nobody tells you happy birthday...
Without birthdays, you're not getting older!
I didn't get this one until I was older, when my brother was told the same "story."
Dad: "You know, we're actually descendants of one of the oldest native tribes in this part of the country, right?"
Me: "Really?"
Dad: "Yeah, The Fagawee tribe. I remember when I was little, your grandpa took me on a spiritual pilgrimage through the forest. He drank a lot and smoked some native herbs. The herbs didn't seem to be working, though, because as it got darker, we seemed to be walking in circles. It was cold in the woods and we seemed to keep coming across the same old log. Finally, in the middle of my dad's spiritual trance, he fell to his knees in a clearing, raised his hands high, and proclaimed "We're the Fawagwee!"
Translation: ("Where the fuck are we?")
Trying to get my 'A' game together for when my newborn gets older. My dad reminded me today that I'm learning from the best...
Dad: what is the lunchmeat that tastes like hot dogs?
Me: bologna?
Dad: this isn't bologna, son, but a serious question.
As I get older and remember all the people I've lost along the way....
I think to myself, maybe a career as a tour guide wasn't for me.
As I get older and I remember all the people I’ve lost along the way…
I think to myself, maybe a career as a tour guide wasn’t for me after all.
Me: If humans lose the ability to hear high frequency volumes as they get older, can my 4 week old son hear a dog whistle?
Doctor: No, humans can never hear that high of a frequency no matter what age they are.
Me: Trick question... dogs can't whistle.
Me: If humans lose the ability to hear high frequency volumes as they get older, can my 4 week old son hear a dog whistle?
Doctor: No, humans can never hear that high of a frequency no matter what age they are.
Me: Trick question... dogs can't whistle.
Me: If humans lose the ability to hear high frequency volumes as they get older, can my 4 week old son hear a dog whistle?
Doctor: No, humans can never hear that high of a frequency no matter what age they are.
Me: Trick question... dogs can't whistle.
As I get older and remember all the people I've lost along the way, I think to myself...
"Maybe a career as a tour guide isn't right for me?"
Me: If humans lose the ability to hear high frequency volumes as they get older, can my 4 week old son hear a dog whistle?
Doctor: No, humans can never hear that high of a frequency no matter what age they are.
Me: Trick question... dogs can't whistle.
Me: If humans lose the ability to hear high frequency volumes as they get older, can my 4 week old son hear a dog whistle?
Doctor: No, humans can never hear that high of a frequency no matter what age they are.
Me: Trick question... dogs can't whistle.
As i get older and remember all the people ive lost along the way, I think...
maybe a career as a tour guide wasn’t for me
As I get older and remember all the people I've lost along the way, I think to myself...
maybe a career as a tour guide wasn't for me.
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