I was talking to my sister on the phone asking her how my nephew was and how she has been recently, etc.
Then she says, "So some guy called me yesterday..."
I interrupted her and asked, "But I thought your name was Brittany?"
Followed by brief silence and the groan that signifies victory.
My older sister recently had a new roommate move in and found that roommate to be a bit careless with shared items. She had recently just bought new ceramic knives and came home to find one of the tips broken off. Lamenting to my dad when she came home to visit she exclaimed "$80 knife I just bought is already broken", slamming the broken knife down on the counter.
My dad without missing a beat, looks up from his book, straight faced and says "Well, this is why you can't have knife things."
In the mail today we got out 1 year old Halloween costume. We tried it on her to make sure it fit. She was still wearing it when my 6 year old gets off the school bus. After seeing her sisters costume the older daughter asks "Did that just come today?" Without missing a beat I tell her "no, we had her just over a year ago." I got groans from the daughter, wife, and wife's mom who was on the phone at the time.
One morning while sitting down for breakfast, my Dad looks up, points at my waist and exclaims, "What are those two things coming out of your butt?!" My 6 yr. old self wheels around like a dog chasing it's tail looking for said objects. nothing. I ask what they were and he says he's not sure, but that I will be fine. After school he get's home from work. Me: "Dad, do you those things coming out of my butt still?" Dad: "Yup" Repeat action and conversation from the morning again. And repeat again then next day, and the next ... 7 days in total I'm getting pissed my Dad see's them all the time but my Mom and older Sister don't. I surely don't see two things coming out of my butt. I'm starting to freak out and cry. Why can I not see these two things coming out of my butt, I'm sobbing, blubbering gibberish and spittle running down my chin to my shirt. I'm gasping for air and crying and just about to blow a gasket (I'm 6 mind you ...) my mom finally had enough, "Dammit Craig ... TELL HIM NOW!!" I get all calmed down and start getting excited, I'm going to find out! he sits me down and tells me this ... "I have told you all week that you had two things coming out of your butt?" That's why I'm losing my shit, Dad "Well, I was talking about your legs. You're legs come out of your butt and you have two of them." all the while looking me straight in the eyes, he starts a famously wonderful shit-grin. Mom loses it again, throws her arms up in utter frustration/disappointment/disbelief. Sister virtually pissing herself in laughter. My dad gets up, smiling that smile, he walks away with a pat on the head. "Pay better attention next time."
groan.
TLDR: I was 6, told I have 2 things coming out of my butt for a week. finally told that they where my legs. facepalm and groaner.
edit: - waiting for the right moment to pull this one on my 5 and 7 yr old ...
She's related to me, my wife, and her 2 sisters.
Anyway the joke I made tonight-
My in-laws had to the 2 older girls while we were at the hospital, and got home tonight. I looked down and realized I had a hole in one of my socks, and said "guess it's time to throw this one away."
My father in law said, "yeah. I've been getting holes in my socks and have been throwing them away, too."
I said, "Left and right?"
And my older sister and I find it fairly funny. I'm chuckling to myself and my little sister says
>What are you laughing at?
I, in a stroke of genius, respond with
>Nothing. Not a shingle thing.
Me and my older sister laughed, my little sister just looked at me like I'm stupid.
I hope this is worthy of being called a Dad Joke.
My friend has a little girl and every year on her birthday I pretend to think shes older than she is.
me: hey isn't it your birthday today? what are you, like 8 years old now?
her: no! I'm only 5!
Every year on her birthday I joke with her like that... did the same thing to her older sister.
Then today, again on her birthday, I heard her on speaker phone with her uncle who called to wish her happy birthday, and he did the exact same joke. It made me feel old... have I been dad-joking all along?
We had a little family get together for my sister's birthday last week. My dad bought a platter of cheese and a bottle of merlot. He said "Cheese, they say, gets better as it ages. I don't want to hear you wine about getting older".
Groan
Little sister "What about the chicken?" Older sister "You mean Turkey?" Ls "Whatever, same difference." Os"You're a chicken." Brother "I call fowl." Me "I'm game."
My wife and I were visiting family last week, and with my wife's older sister and 7-year-younger brother, he was asking us about forest fires. Discussing having a fire pit in your backyard during a fire ban:
younger brother: What's the penalty for starting a forest fire, like, if there's a ban?
wife: firing squad
me: =D
everyone else: ಠ_ಠ
I was talking to my aunt and uncle about their (20-something) daughter's older male friends when my 90 year old grandfather come out of nowhere and says: > I'm Mormon in that I don't care how you bring 'em, as long as you Bring'Em Young
My sister laughed for a week.
I'm not a dad, and this is probably one of the older ones in the book. My little sister just got her first car and I was grilling her on the details.
Me: How many wheels does it have?
Her: 4!
Me: Did it not come with a steering wheel?
Her: Ugh...
My older sister was challenged by a cousin to do the ALS ice bucket challenge thingy.
In an email she says, "Gonna make a creative ice bucket video. Just wait til you see what I'm up to, yall."
My dad responds, " 5'8"? 5'9"? "
