A list of puns related to "Officiate"
The man's friend tells him he would love to do it, but he can't, he just can't. The man asks him why and he replies "I jutht can't pronounth you man and wife"
He is now Anthony Ordained.
“Don’t stand so close to me!” by The Police
I turn to her and say “I bet he don’t have the guts to do that again”
Edit: holy shit y’all this blew up. Thank you master dads. I feel worthy
They gave him a tough sentence. He got off better than his accomplice, The semi-colon, who is in between two complete sentences.
But the instructions just say ‘You know the rules, and so do I”
So I guess 2020 is hindsight
[edit: I'd been waiting to post that!]
They just pick things up as they go along.
Only Tolkiens
He would be the Pastor of Muppets
Subordinate Clauses
or they could be charged with a salt.
So my 1st Born came into this world on Monday night and we were discharged on Thursday. Upon leaving our room, we were given a metal cart to place our belongings on including our son (in his car seat). As we made our way to the garage, I noticed that when the cart was rolling his car seat would rock a bit. I took this opportunity to exclaim “hey (son’s name) you’re really rockin’ ‘n’ rollin’ now.” My wife then truly realized what is in store for her.
It must be viral.
Edit: OMG Thank you for the gold, kind stranger!
.. last year I raked it in.
What we have, here, is a failure to excommunicate.
They also have Alien, Alien 3 and Alien Resurrection - all on DVD.
Thank you for your cervix.
"Seriously, they just pick it up as they go along!"
... and you still hate him now. But now he's an official resident of Florida and I may see him differently now. I've seen a lot of hate thrown his way, but this guy is a consistent winner and an overachiever. That's what the people who support him love about him. Yes, there have been some scandals. Yes, there have been some lies and maybe a few times he's twisted the truth to make himself look better. He's out there everyday proving those haters wrong time after time. Call it jealously, call it envy. Some people just can't handle how successful he is and how much money he has. They could even be jealous that he's got a hot, foreign model as his wife. You may not have wanted him in this role, but he's there now and there is nothing you or I can do about it. I know it'll possibly get worse over the next several days, but like him or not, Tom Brady is turning things around in Tampa Bay.
Woohoo, i got a yob! :D
Linkin Park's "Breaking the Habit."
You can hear a pin drop, after all.
Police officials don’t have any leads at this time.
A beeraucracy.
2020, 24 hours to go...
To be sure. I’ll let myself out.....
It’s a small scale operation.
Well, that seals the deal!
It got a good laugh out of me. Photo here for the curious.
Bounty hunters
It’s just a hot dog. No bun intended.
Posted at r/jokes but someone told me to post here. Guess I’m officially old.
Solitaire.
Beats me.
So the old man approaches the polling official and ask if his wife already voted. They ask for her full name and sure enough, she had already voted. He said Oh darn! She died 6 years ago but she keeps voting on every election and I was hoping to see her once again.
Officials say we are dealing with an armed robbery
Oboy
the coffee grounds.
It was revolutionary.
She lost 8 pounds and 1 oz, and gained a new family member!
I'm officially a father and step father! Woohoo!
Trevor loved tractors. And I mean, really loved tractors. Forget any obsessions or high-level interests you may have, chances are they pale in the face of Trevor’s love for tractors.
Every day Trevor would get up, in his tractor-themed bedroom in his tractor-themed house, with its tractor-themed wallpaper and tractor-themed carpets, and he would make his bed with its tractor-themed duvet and tractor-themed sheets. He would go downstairs in his tractor-themed pajamas into his tractor-themed kitchen, with its tractor-themed tiles and cupboards, and he would eat his breakfast while perusing the latest tractor-themed magazine or annual.
Trevors’s degree in Agricultural Engineering hung on his living room wall, along with a copy of his thesis, which centred around (you guessed it) tractors. The living room was decorated with all sorts of tractor-related trinkets, including die-cast models, paintings and drawings.
The hedges in Trevor’s front garden were trimmed in the shape of tractors. His lawn was vividly decorated with tractor-driving garden gnomes, and his garden furniture was constructed from various parts from vintage tractor designs.
Trevor just had one thing missing from his otherwise tractor-centric life; he had never actually owned, nor driven, a real tractor.
Not for his lack of trying, of course. Trevor had been to many tractor shows over the years, and visited many farms with friends of his, but none of the tractors he had seen had ever been quite right. Trevor was so knowledgeable about tractors that every single one he had come across had possessed some hidden trait that he wasn’t keen on. His first experience of driving a real tractor had to be perfect.
One day, Trevor was flicking through one of his favourite publications, Powertrain Quarterly, when there was a knock at the door. Trevor answered, and it was his friend and fellow tractor enthusiast, Jeff.
Trevor welcomed Jeff in, and over tea and crumpets served on tractor-themed crockery, they discussed the merits of aluminium drawbars and front-end loaders. Eventually Trevor pressed Jeff to explain the reason for his visit.
“Well” said Jeff, “As I’m sure you know the convention comes to town later”.
The convention. Trevor had been thinking of little else the past three weeks. The neighbouring town annually threw a convention for farmers, particularly farmyard machinery. There would be combine harvesters, lawnmowers, and of course, tractors.
“Yes of course” replied Trevor
... keep reading on reddit ➡I’m officiating a wedding Saturday and want to weave in some of your finest. Please share some of your best to help me deliver some laughs!
Edit: ... help me deliver some eye rolls and long nasal exhalations.
But the instructions just say ‘You know the rules, and so do I”
They just pick it up as they go.
"Seriously, they just pick it up as they go along!"
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