It's official now
π︎ 6
π
︎ Dec 31 2020
Trying to play the new official Rick Astley boardgame.
But the instructions just say βYou know the rules, and so do Iβ
π︎ 82
π
︎ Nov 15 2020
The Lord of the Rings official pinball machine doesnβt take quarters.
π︎ 75
π
︎ Dec 06 2020
You know there's no official training for garbagemen?
They just pick things up as they go along.
π︎ 204
π
︎ Nov 08 2020
Do you the official name of Santaβs Elves?
π︎ 10
π
︎ Dec 03 2020
Canadian officials warn drivers not to let moose lick their cars...
or they could be charged with a salt.
π︎ 4
π
︎ Nov 26 2020
My first official dad joke!!!
So my 1st Born came into this world on Monday night and we were discharged on Thursday. Upon leaving our room, we were given a metal cart to place our belongings on including our son (in his car seat). As we made our way to the garage, I noticed that when the cart was rolling his car seat would rock a bit. I took this opportunity to exclaim βhey (sonβs name) youβre really rockinβ βnβ rollinβ now.β My wife then truly realized what is in store for her.
π︎ 537
π
︎ Aug 29 2020
According to official NASA documents they have Aliens on the ISS.
They also have Alien, Alien 3 and Alien Resurrection - all on DVD.
π︎ 18
π
︎ Sep 02 2020
As we were walking down the driveway with the cans, I asked my son, "Did you know thereβs no official training for garbage men?" Rolling his eyes, he responded, "No, no I didn't." I continued...
"Seriously, they just pick it up as they go along!"
π︎ 11
π
︎ Sep 08 2020
Official song of nun's formally leaving a convent:
Linkin Park's "Breaking the Habit."
π︎ 2
π
︎ Aug 09 2020
What do you call a group of drunk state officials who make decisions?
π︎ 30
π
︎ Apr 14 2020
Breaking news: Irish officials have reported that a passenger 747 has crashed into a Belfast cemetery. Investigators have discovered over ten thousand dead bodies at the scene. One local witness at a nearby pub claimed it was a Guinness record.
To be sure. Iβll let myself out.....
π︎ 5
π
︎ May 14 2020
What is the official game of Corona Virus Quarantine?
π︎ 24
π
︎ Apr 15 2020
BREAKING NEWS: The man who wrote the hokey pokey died today, according to officials they struggled getting him into the body bag because they put his right leg in, then his right leg out, in out in out they shook it all about.
π︎ 6
π
︎ Nov 18 2019
[OC] The prehistoric shark in a limbo competition asked the presiding official, Don, to lower the bar. βLow enough?β Don asked.
βNo, I want it even lower. I want it mega-low, Don.β
π︎ 7
π
︎ Oct 26 2019
Itβs official, scientists have proven that more birthday celebrations is officially linked to a longer life span
π︎ 227
π
︎ Aug 13 2018
What do you call an official weapon that shoots pieces of music?
π︎ 1k
π
︎ Feb 07 2017
It's official The British Prime Minister has resigned.
It was expected though, It's the end of May after all.
π︎ 33
π
︎ May 24 2019
This is official
π︎ 22
π
︎ Mar 05 2019
Just bought a new bottle of the official aftershave of r/dadjokes
π︎ 10
π
︎ Aug 03 2019
I'm proud to share with you all, my official bucket list
https://www.amazon.com/slp/plastic-bucket/7yxmhgjes5fn6uz
π︎ 7
π
︎ Jul 03 2019
Julie Andrews will not endorse that popular vibrant shade of lipstick. She says it breaks too easily and gives her bad breath. Her official statement on this........
The super color fragile lipstick gives me halitosis.
π︎ 13
π
︎ Jan 14 2019
What is a government officials favorite kind of christmas light?
π︎ 2
π
︎ Feb 13 2019
π︎ 181
π
︎ Apr 08 2016
Did anyone else hear about the Vatican naming swiss as the official cheese for christianity?
That's right, it's the holiest of cheeses.
π︎ 6
π
︎ Jan 15 2019
Thought I got followed by the official Hanson twitter account
But it turned out to be an MmmBot
π︎ 19
π
︎ Jan 19 2018
What do you call a high ranking Russian government official that is also a fish?
π︎ 10
π
︎ Feb 15 2017
What do you call and official government order that involves two guys going to dinner?
π︎ 54
π
︎ Dec 19 2016
Remembering my first official dad joke.
My son had just been born, I'm talking freshly cut cord. My mother comes in to see him and notices a bottle of baby shampoo on the table.
"Ooh is that Baby Magic," she asks.
"Nah, he's just an ordinary baby."
Then I realized I was a real dad.
π︎ 598
π
︎ Jan 17 2014
New England trees have sprouted legs and are running amok. Officials say:
π︎ 2
π
︎ Jun 01 2018
My first official dadjoke
My first son was born late on Sunday night. My parents came to visit my family in the hospital today and my dad was telling me how they thought they had parked next to my car before they saw the parking spot was marked "Clergy Only".
I told him I could park there because I was a Father now.
π︎ 51
π
︎ May 30 2016
My first child was just a few hours old when i made my very first official dad joke a few days ago.
My wife was figuring out how to breastfeed for the first time and she asked herself out loud, "How do I know if she is rooting for the nipple?"
I told her that it would sound something like this, "Go nipple go nipple go! Go nipple go nipple go!"
She rolled her eyes and my dad status was officially achieved.
I'm looking forward to a long, successful career.
π︎ 341
π
︎ May 17 2014
Why did the melons have an official wedding?
Because they canβt elope!
π︎ 2
π
︎ Apr 25 2018
A sculpture of an expert art critic could be considered an artificial art official
π︎ 31
π
︎ Dec 19 2015
The pope asked me to take care of his official ceremonial handbag
It's a blessing, and a purse.
π︎ 10
π
︎ May 02 2017
Trying to play the new official Rick Astley boardgame
But the instructions just say βYou know the rules, and so do Iβ
π︎ 36
π
︎ Sep 22 2020
As we were walking down the driveway with the cans, I asked my son, "Did you know thereβs no official training for garbage men?" Rolling his eyes, he responded, "No, no I didn't." I continued...
"Seriously, they just pick it up as they go along!"
π︎ 35
π
︎ Jul 22 2020
Did you know thereβs no official training for a garbage collector?
They just pick it up as they go.
π︎ 12k
π
︎ Aug 06 2019
You know there's no official training for garbage men?
They just pick things up as they go along.
π︎ 6k
π
︎ Jun 28 2017
Did you know that there is no official training for garbage men?
They are just expected to pick it up as they go along.
π︎ 120
π
︎ Aug 22 2018
What do you call an official weapon that shoots pieces of music?
π︎ 13
π
︎ Feb 08 2017
Did you know thereβs no official training for garbage men?
They just pick it up as they go along...
π︎ 80
π
︎ Oct 07 2017
Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.
