We finally obtained the secret weapon to kill the evil Dolphin King!

It kind of defeats the porpoise, though.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/BunzarTheFuzzy
πŸ“…︎ Jul 03 2019
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There is only one right I will do anything, even die, to obtain.

The right to die.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TROLLDLLR
πŸ“…︎ Jun 03 2020
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How did Chewbaca obtain blueprints for the Death Star?

Through Wookieeleaks.

πŸ‘︎ 23
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Toberoni
πŸ“…︎ Oct 27 2017
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Because of Starbucks, a tall order is easy to obtain
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πŸ‘€︎ u/smouthi
πŸ“…︎ Sep 10 2015
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Why did the Hippo failed to obtain his PhD?

Because no matter the amount of proof his work remained a mere Hippo Thesis.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MuadLib
πŸ“…︎ Dec 01 2016
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WHY WOMEN ARE CLEVERER THAN MEN

Tom was a single guy living at home with his father and working in the family business. When he found out he was going to inherit a fortune once his sickly father died, he decided he needed a wife with whom to share his fortune. One evening at an investment meeting, he spotted the most beautiful woman he had ever seen. Her natural beauty took his breath away. "I may look like just an ordinary man," he said to her, "but in just a few years, my father will die, and I'll inherit 20 million Pounds." Impressed, the woman obtained his business card.

Three days later, she became his stepmother...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/cotswoldboy
πŸ“…︎ Sep 25 2019
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Shrubs

What do you call a savings account for obtaining more bushes?

A Hedge Fund!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/RedstoneRelic
πŸ“…︎ Aug 08 2019
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A round tuit anti procrastination device
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mmomaster13
πŸ“…︎ Apr 18 2018
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I turned an English paper into one giant pun.

A Call to Arms A Plead to the Limbless

The Armless are a stump among society and could easily achieve more. It’s bothersome that somebody with great potential could allow themselves to lose grip of what they aspire for. The radius of support and development that surrounds these people is astounding. Yet they bite the hand that feeds and throw away opportunities. With each passing day they are crippled by the errors in their ways. Not only are they not properly handling the situation, they are doing a disservice to society. Most will say to refrain from pointing fingers, but it is pertinent that we show them their faults.
All aside we should most certainly not try to elbow my way into their lives. However, if they were to branch off into their own progressive groups it would be most beneficial. And severance is a good thing between them and the public. This doesn't mean a complete amputation of them from society. Perhaps selective assistance will help these people find a well fitted sleeve within their communities. This process is difficult and lending a helping hand can make the difference. On the other hand, we have those who don’t try to succeed. Their negligence is worthy of more than a mere slap on the wrist. When somebody refuses to apply themselves, they are holding back progress. By giving themselves mental limitation they are creating a prosthetic disability they must abide by. The majority of working to achieve goals is believing you can reach out and grab them. But, somebody who gives up is cutting themselves short of success Seeing somebody give up is the furthest thing from being humerus. Urging these people is a necessity, otherwise they will never try their hardest, encourage them to use some elbow grease and put forth full effort. Any small contribution is better than being a detriment, community service, obtaining greater education, enlisting in the armed forces, these all benefit society. Drastic changes of this scale are sure to cause discontent, grab a tissue if need be, but never give up. For all those that are currently wasting away without contribution, it's time to limb’er up and take charge.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Chewy_64
πŸ“…︎ Sep 04 2015
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