I'm Getting Sick and Tired of these Social Norms
πŸ‘︎ 19
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jun 25 2017
🚨︎ report
If Weird Al wasn't weird he'd just be called Norm Al
πŸ‘︎ 92
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/iamianG
πŸ“…︎ Aug 20 2015
🚨︎ report
Best Halloween costume idea: I'm going to ask Norm Macdonald if I can glue myself to him for an evening.

I'm going to be adhered to a social norm.

It might smell funny.

πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Trollfouridiots
πŸ“…︎ Jul 01 2015
🚨︎ report
Norm MacDonald got old

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sfnLXI2bUnA

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MrFlagg
πŸ“…︎ Oct 29 2015
🚨︎ report
Six solid minutes of dad jokes by the king of awkward puns, Norm MacDonald. youtube.com/watch?v=jNi6T…
πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/oddmanout
πŸ“…︎ Sep 03 2013
🚨︎ report
I wish Norm was my father.. youtu.be/jNi6T72XoV4
πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Tophizzle
πŸ“…︎ Sep 03 2013
🚨︎ report
A frog goes into a bank and approaches the teller.

He can see from her nameplate that her name is Patty Whack.

"Miss Whack, I'd like to get a $30,000 loan to take a holiday."

Patty looks at the frog in disbelief and asks his name. The frog says his name is Kermit Jagger, his dad is Mick Jagger, and that it's okay, he knows the bank manager.

Patty explains that he will need to secure the loan with some collateral.

The frog says, "Sure. I have this," and produces a tiny porcelain elephant, about an inch tall, bright pink and perfectly formed.

Very confused, Patty explains that she'll have to consult with the bank manager and disappears into a back office.

She finds the manager and says, "There's a frog called Kermit Jagger out there who claims to know you and wants to borrow $30,000, and he wants to use this as collateral." She holds up the tiny pink elephant. "I mean, what in the world is this?"

The bank manager looks back at her and says, "It's a knickknack, Patty Whack. Give the frog a loan. His old man's a Rolling Stone."

πŸ‘︎ 1k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Mama_Bear15
πŸ“…︎ Jan 12 2021
🚨︎ report
You know Orion’s Belt?

Yeah it’s a big waist of space

Ik ik it’s not a good joke I only give it 3 stars

πŸ‘︎ 125
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/_Admiral_Hipster_
πŸ“…︎ Nov 10 2020
🚨︎ report
Mike Tyson was thinking the other day.

He yelled out, β€œThomeone help me! I can’t thwim.”

πŸ‘︎ 5k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Apr 06 2018
🚨︎ report
I need glasses to see my family

More specifically, two glasses .... of scotch

(Credit: Norm Macdonald Live)

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/sillysadandsolemn
πŸ“…︎ May 23 2020
🚨︎ report
More efficient?
πŸ‘︎ 2k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/princeofcrack
πŸ“…︎ Oct 02 2017
🚨︎ report
I was hanging my clothes out to dry

And they says to me, "so you think you are too good for us " And I says to them, I says, " No nothing like that, I am just going to be a nudist for a while."

(Dedicated to my inspiration: Norm Macdonald)

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/sillysadandsolemn
πŸ“…︎ May 09 2020
🚨︎ report
Even When He's Alone...

So I'm near our kitchen (but not in it), and my dad is in there by himself. In the middle of the silence I just hear him say "Tupperware? Tupperhere!" And just start giggling to himself. Amazing how they do it even when they're alone... Edit: Thank you so much for the gold!

πŸ‘︎ 8k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TheWetzel
πŸ“…︎ Dec 12 2014
🚨︎ report
I'm amazed Reddit

There are now over a million subs for this silly, corny, beautiful feed of dad jokes.

Link to PROOF: http://imgur.com/ksprvA1

A million subs is a big number.

If we put a million subs end to end, we'd be able to reach a very small part of the way around the Earth... Double that if they were foot long subs, and we'd make it all the way around and more if they were the kind of subs that go under water.

That's why I'm amazed.

Well done everyone on being amazing dads with amazing dad jokes. No matter what kind of dad you are - inside or outside expected dad norms - keep the world laughing and shaking their head.

(I'll keep this stickied for a short period of communal celebration and then go back to the shadows as normal. Keep doing you, dads.)

πŸ‘︎ 65
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/tali3sin
πŸ“…︎ Aug 02 2018
🚨︎ report
A moth walks into a podiatrist's office...

and tells the doctor,

Moth: Doc, I've got a terrible problem. My wife left me. I hate my job. I'm so depressed that I often contemplate suicide.

Doc: I don't know how to help you. You need to see a psychiatrist. Why do you come to my office?

Moth: The light was on.

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/tamarockstar
πŸ“…︎ Sep 22 2017
🚨︎ report
[REQUEST] I need roast jokes for middle schoolers.

Mods, if this is against the rules, I apologize. Feel free to remove and I'll try and find better luck on Google.

I'm a middle school teacher and my 8th graders are graduating on Thursday. They've been a great, wonderful class to have, but they always complain about lame my jokes are. I feel that the most suitable way to send them off would be, either on the last day of class or at their graduation ceremony, would be to send them off with their own individual dad roast from me. (Think Norm MacDonald at the Bob Saget roast).

If anybody has any good dad roast jokes that won't get me fired nor get misconstrued for bullying, I'd greatly appreciate it. Thanks!

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jun 19 2018
🚨︎ report
My husband's dad game is getting much better.

Yesterday, I was running back from the school bus after asking the driver to give me a moment because my disabled son had had an accident and I was about finished cleaning him up. It was raining and muddy and I was in my bare feet, but this is the norm out here.

On the way back I managed to get my big toenail ripped up off the nailbed down to about halfway to the cuticle. Never done that before in 31 years, and oh my, I have to say it was a whole different level of exquisite agony when I finally noticed it. Funny how you never notice things like that until you see all the blood and how it doesn't even hurt until you touch it.

Sparing you the details of tracking in blood for five minutes before I even noticed I'd done it, the husband cringed quite a bit when he got home from work and saw it.

Fast forward to today--my period started and I had one hell of a headache all day long. He gets home from work and asks, "you ok, babe?" Because I'm usually pretty cheerful when he walks in the door, but today I was cranky as fuck.

"Eh, period started. Headache. Glad you're home, I can take a pain pill and you can watch the kids."

"Oh." He looked me up and down slowly and grinned. "So... now you're hurting from head... to toe?"

Motherfucker.

πŸ‘︎ 60
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/SmutGoddess
πŸ“…︎ Jun 06 2015
🚨︎ report
My brother's girlfriend pulled this one...

Her: What do lawyers wear to court?

Me: Uh, suits, norm-

Her: Lawsuits

πŸ‘︎ 25
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Eptar
πŸ“…︎ Dec 12 2016
🚨︎ report
Recent phone call with my dad

Me: Dad, hey, what's up?

Dad: Health insurance premiums.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Bossfan1990
πŸ“…︎ Oct 07 2013
🚨︎ report
I out dad joked my own dad

So I’ve just gotten home from a run last night. My mum reminds me to wash my hair, and my brother quips in by saying; β€˜Don’t forget to put some shit in your hair’ (toilet humour is the norm in my house).

After showering, I come back downstairs and find my brother. β€˜Hey Rob (that’s his name), I remembered to put some shit in my hair … but I think it was fake.’ I say. He gives me a funny look. β€˜I think it was sham-poo’.

My dad who is sitting nearby groans. My mum gives me a slow clap. I feel really proud.

That feel when pun is life.

πŸ‘︎ 37
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/bobulibobium
πŸ“…︎ Sep 23 2015
🚨︎ report
I can't say it yet, but the day will come.

I'm getting married in a few months. The subject of kids comes up once in a while. My fiancee wants to name our first daughter Kara, and I just realized why this will be amazing.

Someday she will reach the age where complaints are the norm and the only thing her eyes can do is roll.

My response to every complaint: "I don't Kara"

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/AxeEffect3890
πŸ“…︎ Mar 24 2015
🚨︎ report
All hail the king of dadjokes

http://www.funnyordie.com/videos/661a77b3da/norm-macdonald-trolls-the-bob-saget-roast

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/tamarockstar
πŸ“…︎ Dec 21 2013
🚨︎ report

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.