A list of puns related to "Noone"
Because they're ice-o-lated
Because noble gases don't cause a reaction.
Credit to u/neitral-fella r/dadjokes doesn't allow crossposting but I thought it belonged here
But it's Trudeau.
They might get more business selling "hello's" or "hi's"
'Cause they don't make very much cents.
It seems like there isnβt any Germanymore.
"by the window," the sunflower responded. "I'm only here for a light meal."
Because he is a PM, not an AM
Because Dawn is tough on greece.
Launch is on me.
Because they don't want to be kidnap...
Okay sorry.
That way I can say I always wake up before dawn.
That noone in 2015 got the right answer for "Where do you see yourself in 5 years?"
Because during that time nobody throws shade!
Me - "So is Amanda awake yet? It's noon already"
Dad - "I haven't heard her stir yet."
slight pause
Dad - "Then again I dont think she has anything to mix."
NASA decided to send a vegetable to space. After the rough takeoff the spud soiled himself.
Operation Spud-Nik turned violent when the astronauts, due to unforeseen circumstances, ran out of food. It wasn't long before the five guys came up with a plan. They unearthed him and gouged his eyes out. As unappealing as it sounded, spud was sliced up, fried and eaten. Noone seemed to mind a little assault. Sometimes spaceflight is unpredictable and dirty sacrifices must be made.
He said βItβs for Mr Nooneβ you bozo.
My buddy and I were texting a few days ago. He was complaining about the power at his place being out again (relevant, heβs lost power a few times already this winter season). Our exchange went like this:
Him: How about electricity? Wind storm knocked ours out around noon.
Me: No electricity? Thatβs not shocking.
I couldnβt help myself.
"Can you see me at noon?" she asked.
"No, that's why I'm booking a sight test."
Morning, Apple Pie and Coffee. Noon, Apple Pie and Coffee. Night, Apple Pie and Coffee. Getting tired of this same meal, he asks his coworkers to teach him a new dish to order. He learns Steak and Eggs.
Waitress: Hiya honβ, Apple Pie and Coffee as usual?
Man (smiling proudly): Steak and Eggs!
Waitress: Oh! Changing it up to day! How would you like your eggs? Scrambled, sunny side up, poached, fried? How would you like your steak? Rare, medium rare, medium, medium well, well? . . . . . .
Man: ... Apple Pie and Coffee.
Back a few decades, I was working in a program with a local college in the Middle East.
The name of the program for ExPats has the clever acronym of "IDEA" (hey, I said it was clever); which stands for "Inter-Departmental Educational Adjunct". It's interdepartmental because my particular specialty not only covers field geology but also paleontology and a bit of archeology thrown in for good measure. Everyone hopes to have a good IDEA...
ahem...
Well, we saddle up and head for the Dune Sea out in the west of the country, where the Precambrian, Cambrian, Silurian, Cretaceous, Pliocene, Pleistocene, and Holocene crop out and access is relatively easy and non-injurious.
Well, we caravan out, some 30 Land Cruisers, Nissan patrol, and the odd Mitsubishi Galloper strong. We all get our maps, compasses and split up into 5 or 6 special interest groups ("SIG's"); where each IDEA has his own GPS and LIDAR laser ranging apparatus. Reason being, that there are very few benchmarks out in the desert, and even those are constantly at the mercy of the shifting and ever-blowing sands.
Since we're split into groups and at any one time, ranging up to and including some 50 km2, when a real find is located, a device called the "DIME" (Digital-Interface Monitor Encoder) is attached and programmed into the GPS for location later; it is a digital sort of low-frequency transponder, developed from technology used by offshore drillers and jacket setters where benchmarks are even more transitory.
The way it works is rather simple. When something is to be marked for later retrieval, a series of wooden posts are pounded in a triangular manner around the find and the DIME is set, programmed with the GPS and attached to one or more of the posts.
That's the theory, at least.
Everything works well, especially all the hardened electronics and computer gizmos, but attaching the DIME to the stakes is the real problem. It can't be nailed, screwed or fastened with any sort of metal contrivance as that farkles the magnetic field and causes all sorts of goofy spurious signals. Zip ties don't last long in the heat and duct tape is right out. Many sites have been lost to the shifting sands this way.
Velcro doesn't work too well, as the sand fills the hooks of the receiving piece of velcro and soon renders it useless. String or fishing line work, but that's temporary (they melt). Glue or mastic are out as these are supposed to be temporary. Even plastic sleeves don't work due to the heat out
... keep reading on reddit β‘All morning he was tying them together with a piece of string and then wrapping them around his midsection. At noon I figured he could use a break, so I invited him out for lunch, but he said, "No, thanks, I'm watching my waistline."
Noone came
1. What is the most important drink in life?
Vitali-tea.
2. What do you call an uptight man with wet tapestry?
A wet blanket with a wet blanket.
3. Describe an uptight man with an erection holding an alcoholic beverage.
A stiff with a stiff with a stiff.
4. What do you call introverted window blinds?
A shutter-in.
5. What do you call an uncooked deer cookie?
Dat doe dough 'dough.
6. What do you call a plant's religion?
Agri-culture.
7. What do you call a football players' phone charger?
A Charger's phone charger.
8. What do you call a clock tower striking twelve?
High noon.
That's all I got.
It becomes high noon
He's completely over the noon
Whenever someone from my family asked while eating "Can someone pass me the bread?" or something similar my dad used to open the kitchen door and yell "Someone? SOMEONE?" and would then state "Well I guess there is noone here with this name". I guess i dont even have to tell that when you would specify your request to "Can YOU pass me the bread?" He would say that he can but if he should...
the mum: Yeah, it's not like melbourne there, where here you see chinese shops, indian shops, greek shops etc...there, it's all maltese
me: oh I dont know, I've found Malta to be very Malta-cultural
Noone took notice of it, but my brother looked back at me as if to say "you sly dog, you"
My mom was waking me up so I asked her what time it was and she said it was about high noon, then from across the house I heard my dad call out "Hello Noon!"
I've been waiting so long to use this...
Me: Good morning, sir.
Supervisor: Morning, you're painting until sometime after noon. I need you to go pick up some parts for me.
Me: Sounds like a plan, Stan.
Supervisor: Funny guy... Okay, I'll call you later.
Me: Actually, you can just call me Tyler.
Supervisor didn't even crack a smile, but my life has been worth it now. βͺ#βdadjokesβ¬
Coworker: Do you know how long we have to wear these mourning bands? Like ... When is the mourning period over?
Me: Traditionally, noon.
So I was sitting outside of my new apartment's office around noon and a kid comes up and starts playing on the benches I'm sitting on. He lays down on them, making a bridge between the two, and starts talking to me about school.
I ask him if he went to school that day and he goes "yea but I'm already out. I'm a bridged. "
I didn't really get it until later. Either he's a genius or it was just luck.
I was about to sit down and eat dinner when I remembered something. This weekend, my family and I are going to New York for my cousin's wedding and they're going to pick me up right when I finish class around noon. I was going to ask what we were doing for lunch that day.
Me: Hey, I just had a thought.
Dad: Don't.
cue a full minute of laughter from my mom and me
My dad came from work at noon and was talking about the snow, saying it was "No joke" out on the roads. Taking the opportunity handed to me, I said "You're saying it's snow joke out there?" Got a chuckle out of my mom for that one.
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