A necklace got arrested recently

It was an accessory to murder

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Syr_Lead
πŸ“…︎ Oct 24 2020
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I got my wife an 18 carrot necklace.

It was not only easy on the eyes, but it was also good for the eyes, too.

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/sarcasticpremed
πŸ“…︎ Sep 30 2020
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At a rock concert one time, I saw a girl with a gold spiked necklace.

I thought β€œwow, that’s pretty metal.”

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ“…︎ Jun 01 2020
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I put a picture of my daughter in a titanium locket necklace

I wanted her to be strong and independent

πŸ‘︎ 32
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πŸ“…︎ Dec 18 2019
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Did you hear about the young genie who got a job and moved out of his parents' lamp to a one bedroom necklace?

He was independant.

πŸ‘︎ 568
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πŸ‘€︎ u/NickNail5
πŸ“…︎ Mar 01 2019
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Necklace

People who are can’t wear one.

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πŸ“…︎ Oct 09 2019
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The other day I saw a kid wearing a vape as a necklace...

This juulry has gotten out of hand

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JuiceBoxHero008
πŸ“…︎ Oct 10 2019
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Do you know where in a hospital the invisible man can't hide?

The I. C. U.

πŸ‘︎ 9k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/lesserthepoggle
πŸ“…︎ Jun 08 2019
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Tomorrow we celebrate our right for small companiesto make necklaces.

Also known as indie pendants day

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Votey_McVoteface
πŸ“…︎ Jul 03 2018
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What do you call a vegetable necklace?

an artichoker

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/oreimostar
πŸ“…︎ Oct 23 2018
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What did the necklace say to the hat?

You go on ahead, I’ll hang around.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ“…︎ Oct 12 2018
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What kind of necklace does Indiana Jones wear?

An indi-pendant

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/fat-bandit
πŸ“…︎ Nov 03 2018
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No use for a necklace. . .

If you're neck-less

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/themikekidd
πŸ“…︎ Oct 22 2018
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After my divorce, I gave my wife a necklace with my face on it as a parting gift.

I am now Independent.

πŸ‘︎ 33
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Alfie_13
πŸ“…︎ Jan 26 2018
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I asked my wife what she wanted for Christmas

She said, "Nothing would make me happier than a diamond necklace!"

So I bought her . . . nothing.

πŸ‘︎ 9k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dmdeemer
πŸ“…︎ Dec 10 2018
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Son, your mother is a gold digger and she just loved me because of my necklace...

It was a chain reaction

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/unammusic
πŸ“…︎ Jan 25 2018
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What do you use to tie a macaroni necklace together with?

String cheese.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/stinkpicklez
πŸ“…︎ Aug 03 2017
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Wife had an owl necklace on and got me

>Me: That necklace suits you because you're so wise.

>Wife: It suits me because I'm a hoot!

groans. So good it hurts.

πŸ‘︎ 92
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πŸ‘€︎ u/sureyouken
πŸ“…︎ Sep 14 2015
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If you made a wall hanging out of cheap necklaces bought from the merch tables at small, underground rock concerts...

Would you have a Decoration of Indie Pendants?

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/RidleyXJ
πŸ“…︎ Oct 01 2016
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A dad's last dad joke.

My friend's dad passed away earlier this year, but pulled off a spectacular dad joke at his funeral. One of the songs he requested was 'here comes the sun' by the beetles...

...to be played as his son approached the front of the church to deliver his speech.

RIP David.

πŸ‘︎ 5k
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πŸ“…︎ Aug 30 2017
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My pocket watch necklace broke last week...

"I like your necklace! That style is timeless."

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ“…︎ Aug 06 2013
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My wife, who hates Dad jokes, just dropped this one on me...

I just purchased and presented her with a fancy Octopus-shaped necklace, and to my utter dismay, I discovered it only had seven legs... "WTF, it's a Septopus?!"

Seeing I was obviously upset, she just smiled and replied, "I still like it, don't be an Upset-topus"...

I'm so proud of her right now.

πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HerrWolff
πŸ“…︎ Mar 19 2015
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Dad joked a lady friend today while she was getting ready to go out.

She said: "I need to find a necklace to tie these shoes together"

Me: "You should really use the laces for that"

πŸ‘︎ 27
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bmatic
πŸ“…︎ Feb 06 2015
🚨︎ report
A gift for you, darling.

While perusing a large collection of jewelry at the store -

Clerk - "Can I help you?"

Dad - "I wan't to get my wife of 12 years something nice." Gestures towards the wide banded necklaces in the case

Clerk - "Do you want a choker?"

Dad - Pauses, smiles and says "Only when she's acting up."

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AlexJWhite86
πŸ“…︎ Aug 25 2016
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Got my girlfriend...

A nice necklace and earrings to go with it.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Likespie101
πŸ“…︎ Jun 30 2015
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Serendipitous dadjoke sticker on a box

My daughter was straightening up a pile of stuff in the kitchen, and picked up a small blue empty decorative box. "What's this?" she asked.

Ever the dad, of course I answered, "It's a box..."

She rolled her eyes and said, "No, Dad, what's it from?" But it didn't end there.

She handed the box to me and I started speculating that it looked about the size of box for a watch. Then Mom said she thought it was from a necklace I had given her for Mother's Day.

Just to be clear, Mom had sent me an e-mail "hint" in the form of a link to order the necklace, so being a dutiful hubby, I ordered it. She caught the package in the mail as soon as it arrived and opened it right away, several days before Mother's Day. So I had never even seen the box. No wonder I couldn't identify it. Just saying.

Meanwhile I was turning the box over in my hand and noticed a little gold sticker on a corner of the box. I handed the box back to my daughter and said, "Here, read the sticker."

She took the box back and looked at the sticker. It said, "BOX, Made in China."

I said, "See? I was right." She threw the box at me.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AlmostDisjoint
πŸ“…︎ May 18 2016
🚨︎ report
Boyfriend was on a roll with the dad jokes today.

He was going through my box of strange things and had some interesting commentary.

Found an owl ring, asked, "Do people ever ask who gave it to you?"

Saw that my butterfly necklace was broken, asked, "Does that bug you?"

Was giving me tic tacs out of a container, gave me four and I said I only wanted two. "Sorry guys, guess it just wasn't mint to be."

He chuckled at himself for awhile after these.

πŸ‘︎ 33
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πŸ‘€︎ u/suckish
πŸ“…︎ Jan 27 2014
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I admit defeat to her dadjoke skills

We decided to give beer necklaces to my friends who are graduating, when she said,

"We can write, 'BUD, you're WEISER'". I could do nothing but admit defeat and give her the dadjoke crown...for now.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/YearRoundLurker
πŸ“…︎ May 16 2014
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Necklace

People who are can’t wear one.

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ“…︎ Oct 09 2019
🚨︎ report
Tomorrow we celebrate our right for small companies to make their own necklaces.

Also known as indie pendants day.

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Votey_McVoteface
πŸ“…︎ Jul 03 2018
🚨︎ report
I asked my wife what she wanted for Christmas

She said to me "nothing would make me happier than a diamond necklace."

So I bought her nothing

πŸ‘︎ 5k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Clbull
πŸ“…︎ Dec 14 2017
🚨︎ report

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