Why did the oister never share her pearls?

She was very shellfish

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πŸ‘€︎ u/RunningThing
πŸ“…︎ Jan 08 2021
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I just read the absoute best book about Pearl Jam.

Seriously, I don't know they could have made it Eddie Vedder.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/KW-DadJoker
πŸ“…︎ Dec 10 2020
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Why wouldn't the oyster give up her pearl?

She was shellfish.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MikeHunt_004
πŸ“…︎ Nov 13 2020
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I heard you like Pearls Before Swine
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Emble12
πŸ“…︎ Jun 04 2020
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Why don’t oysters share their pearls?

Because they are shellfish

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πŸ‘€︎ u/_kimbers
πŸ“…︎ Jul 09 2020
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My grandfather is still mad at the Japanese for Pearl Harbor.

I explained to him that it was the Americans who made the movie.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jul 28 2020
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What did the clam say to the lobster when it stole his pearl?

You're so shellfish!

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πŸ“…︎ May 14 2020
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My boyfriend bought me tampons (pearls)
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kbrevi
πŸ“…︎ Dec 30 2019
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I was driving with my wife and suddenly Pearl Jam started playing on the radio.

I told her, β€œIt doesn’t get Eddie Vedder than this.”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ May 14 2019
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Why don't clams share their pearls?

Because they are shell fish!!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/raysilan
πŸ“…︎ Oct 13 2019
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Pearl Harbor of puns

If your onion sang hip-hop, would that be a rapscallion?

I used to be an astronaut, but I got tired of eating out of satellite dishes. I wasn't allowed to eat the Milky Way, even though I had to look at it every day. The worst thing was, I never got to visit The Space Bar. Then, when I was visiting the dark side of the moon, I was bitten by a parasite. Now, you might think it's crazy, but the doctor who removed it called it a lunar-tick.

If "womb" is pronounced "woom" and "tomb" is pronounced "toom", shouldn't "bomb" be pronounced "boom"?

China recently tested a new steroid. It basically turns you into The Hulk. The side effect is it could turn you into a crazed zombie that tends to rip the upper extremities from people. People are saying that this could be the zombie apocalypse. In my opinion, lips have nothing to do with it. I call it ARMageddon. The only way to stay safe now is to not let anyone close enough to disarm you.

I recently was going to join the railroad union. I decided against it because it's complicated. If I received instruction on driving the locomotive, would they call it engineering, or training?

I got a sad story about a flower. I don't know who the heck she pissed off, but damn, now she's a Black-Eyed Susan.

I finally figured out what makes leaves angry. Fall. They get so mad they change color. Some are yellow. They're just afraid and run from their problems. The other ones usually just leave.

I went parachuting with my military buddies once. We landed on a department store. I told him I think we're at the wrong coordinates. He said: "Nope. We're right on Target"

I asked a psychologist if Native Americans have strong emotions. He said "Oh yeah, they're intense".

If a psychotic person thought something made sense, would that thought be psychological?

If Matt Damon were searching for a secondhand store, would he be Goodwill Hunting?

My friend is a Marksman for the military. One day, he went to the armory and asked for 3 snipers. They gave him a candy bar. It was a 3 Musketeers.

I want to be there if Dwayne Johnson ever uses a pizza stone. That way I can smell what "The Rock" is cookin'.

Christopher bought a lemon, and the car broke down. Now Christopher Walken.

Have you heard about the latest bank battle on Wall Street? Capital One and Chase got in a fight and Capital One.

You know what a pirate says to his wenches when he sees the shoreline? "LAND HO!"

A man finds a lamp in the desert and dusts it off. Poof! A genie p

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/PraetorSolaris
πŸ“…︎ Mar 26 2019
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If I ever meet the lead singer of Pearl Jam, I hope he asks me how I’m doing

So I can respond β€œif I was Eddie Vedder, I’d be you”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mistapiss
πŸ“…︎ Aug 08 2019
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Pearl Jam jammed into door jamb jam jam
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bingfot
πŸ“…︎ Sep 11 2018
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Bruce Springsteen, Pearl Jam and Ringo Starr all cancel NC shows over the anti-LGBT law.
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πŸ“…︎ Apr 19 2016
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I really like Pearl Jam’s first album

But after that, it doesn’t get Eddie Vedder.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/BATHTUBISREAL
πŸ“…︎ Jul 10 2018
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Eddie Vedder of Pearl Jam has a father who was known for his skills as a Jedi and military leader.

They call him Darth Vedder.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/stratospher
πŸ“…︎ Jan 31 2019
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Let me give you some pearls of wisdom, sonny boy.

Well to be perfectly honest, in my humble opinion, of course without offending anyone who thinks differently from my point of view, but also by looking into this matter in a different perspective and without being condemning of one's view's and by trying to make it objectified, and by considering each and every one's valid opinion, I honestly believe that I completely forgot what I was going to say.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/derawin07
πŸ“…︎ Jun 25 2018
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Pearl Jam

Great pun my dad posted to his facebook last night while we were at the pearl jam in Tampa... I didn't even notice until I got home:

"Doesn't get Eddie Vedder than this"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/harpua4207
πŸ“…︎ Apr 13 2016
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"Pearls" just wanna have fun! (Bad Pun) imgur.com/L2xyxow
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Reddit_N_Tacos
πŸ“…︎ Jun 25 2015
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While watching Pearl Harbor with my dad

As one of the ships was being bombed, sailors were jumping into the water around the ship and then drowning. I made the comment, "It's weird how so many people join the navy without being able to swim."

My dad replied, "That's nothing. I don't know a single person in the air force who can fly."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Cyborg_Nate
πŸ“…︎ Jun 23 2016
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Did you hear Pearl Jam got a new guitarist

He isn't Eddie vedder though

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πŸ‘€︎ u/odenoden
πŸ“…︎ Apr 04 2016
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Pearls Before Swine
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πŸ‘€︎ u/_emordnilaP
πŸ“…︎ Nov 30 2013
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Why wouldn’t the oyster give up her pearl?

She was shellfish.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/afranc72
πŸ“…︎ Apr 27 2020
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Why don’t oysters share their pearls?

Because they’re shellfish.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/farrukhsshah
πŸ“…︎ Oct 31 2019
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My grandpa is still pissed off at the Japanese for Pearl Harbor.

I had to tell him that it was the Americans who made that movie.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Nov 21 2018
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