A list of puns related to "Near Beer"
for all in tents and porpoises.
I nearly spit out my beer, what terrible timing.
The funniest and shortest puns for kids, you always remember while teaching children puns, try to choose the short ones because they are easy for them to remember and register.
Why are teddy bears never hungry? They are always stuffed!
What do you get when you cross a snake and a pie? A pie-thon!
Where do polar bears vote? The North Poll.
What did the judge say when the skunk walked into the court room? Odor in the court!
Two silkworms had a race. They ended up in a tie.
Why are fish so smart? Because they live in schools.
The streets in the capital of Afghanistan are paved with Kabulstones.
How does a lion greet the other animals in the field? Pleased to eat you.
What do you get when a chicken lays an egg on top of a barn? An egg roll!
No matter how much you push the envelope, it will still be stationery.
Why did the turkey cross the road? To prove he wasn’t chicken!
What musical is about a train conductor? “My Fare, Lady”.
A man drowned in a bowl of muesli. A strong currant pulled him in.
What do you get from a pampered cow? Spoiled milk.
What animals are on legal documents? Seals!
Why did the lion spit out the clown? Because he tasted funny!
Why did the bumble bee leave the house? It heard the school was having a spelling bee.
Being struck by lightning is really a shocking experience!
How do celebrities stay cool? They have many fans!
Why do fish live in salt water? Because pepper makes them sneeze!
Dockyard: A physician’s garden.
What did the angry mother say to the boiling pot of spaghetti? Simmer down!
The lights were too bright at the Chinese restaurant so the manager decided to dim sum.
“What’s purple and 5000 miles long?” “Ooh! I know! The Grape Wall of China!”
Every calendar’s days are numbered.
This duck walks into a bar and orders a beer. “Four bucks,” says the bartender. “Put it on my bill.”
I used to be twins. My mother has a picture of me when I was two.
What sound do porcupines make when they kiss? Ouch!
When does a well-dressed lion look like a weed? When he’s a dandelion (dandy lion).
Two peanuts walk into a bar, and one was a-salted.
A bicycle can’t stand on its own because it is
... keep reading on reddit ➡My girlfriend and I were making homemade mozzarella sticks while drinking a few beers.
I asked her how many eggs to put in the mixture and she said "two."
So I responded with "oh, you mean Dos-Eggies?"
She didn't find it nearly as funny as I did.
So me and my grandparents are very close and we go out to eat at least once a month. One day we went to a restaurant that had a special on Natty Light. He orders one and I ask him, "Of all the beer they have on tap why would you order Natty Light?" To which he responds. "Natural Light is like making love in a canoe" I give him a confused look. "It's fuckin' near water!"
I applauded.
Family out eating, everybody is having a great time. Everybody nearly finished their meal, dad already finished his beer.
Waiter:"Would you like another one?"
Dad:"What will I do with 2 empty glasses?"
Colective groaning.
First I should preface that the restaurant we went to had a sucker with every meal. They also had a plate of pickles for appetizers. So naturally we got some pickles and fries for appetizers and I ordered some beer battered fish sticks for my main meal. But for some reason the main course came out before the appetizers, so there was some debate as to whether or not they should even bring out the appetizers.
Me: "Sounds like we're in a bit of a pickle."
Others: Groans.
Meal continues and naturally people are curious how everybody's food is.
Friend: "Tabbou, how is your food?"
Me: "I don't know... It takes kinda... fishy..."
Friend: "Tabbouuuuu..."
Finally, as we're getting out our chairs to leave, my friend holds up her sucker and asks, "Does anybody want this?"
Me: "Yeah, I'm a real sucker for them."
Friend: "Tabou, stop."
Other random customers sitting near us, "Hey, you're a sucker for these? Take ours!"
I scored four suckers tonight.
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